Bearded Gang

I wrote a little yesterday but never completed the assignment. Daughter wanted our weekly breakfast yesterday and then a series of side quests caused me to go about my day. I’ve got about 100 drafts in my journaling that may never see the printing press. What’s on my mind one morning may not be writable the next. Often times my mood resets into something completely different and I’m unable to continue whatever I was thinking about the day before.

My thoughts be fleeting

Fleeting on tiny little feet

I had to report to Easley yesterday to have an accessory added to my truck along with a spare tire. A lot of my late childhood revolved around this area and as I was navigating to the traffic on 123 I decided to detour toward Powdersville and then my old stomping ground Piedmont.

I took the backroads off of 81 and puttered around the frontages of roads until I crossed over onto River Rd. My bus route took me along these back roads in middle and half my high school years until my friends were old enough to drive.

Detoured around the old Bentwood neighborhood where I had a handful of friends who lived sporadically along the curvy streets and cul de sacs. Slowed briefly around an old house a group of us used to party in our late teens owned by an older lady that sort of took us in. Sort of. As an adult I often look back at that house and wonder what exactly the fuck we were all doing there. 15-20 recent high school grads getting blasted on Long Island Ice teas and Michelobs.

It was weird man. Fun! But weird..

Drove by a few old houses of friends who are no longer friends and others who whose childhood homes were sold after their parents passed. At this age it’s quite a few. Some neighborhoods looked frozen in time while others looked almost post apocalypse.

Pulled over by the river and reminisced about fishing for carp and catfish with my cousins. Drove to my old step grandparent’s home by the old mill on Archie St. The streets seemed to have gotten narrower, I barely squeezed by a termite truck that was hugging the opposite curb. Flood of memories as I stopped at the steep porch of Ines and Frank, my stepfathers parent’s house for as far back as I can remember. The neighboring home housed many of the siblings of that family. I spent every summer and Christmas on that porch. Spent several weeks sleeping in the mudroom next to washer and dryer. The dining room was filled with a long rectangular table that always had food sitting on it and what seemed to be a passel of company sitting around the kitchen at all hours. The home always had full, warm energy up until Frank, the patriarch of the family became ill with lung cancer. It became a hospital room for a while then until he passed.

I liked Frank. Frank liked me too he was the only grandfather figure I ever had. He was always gentle to me, he was a large man. Would take me to the local hardware store with him and give me a dollar to buy candy . One day we drove to Columbia in his C-J 5 in the sleet and snow. Jeep had very little heat so he placed a wool blanket over my lap to stay warm. I was cold as hell but like I said I liked Frank.

And he liked me.

Frank’s funeral was the first I’d ever cried at.

Drove around the “downtown” area where I’d take my mom for lunch at the local meat and three and it was beyond closed. Awning ripped away from the frame, dull chipped brick and broken windows. My mom always got turkey and dressing, dinner roll and cobbler. It was the only time she could enjoy that type of meal she was always the one hosting the turkey day dinners. Anytime she would cook a big meal for all the family she’d stand by the kitchen table fanning herself off. We went a decade without HVAC in our old home. The table would be set, everyone said Grace and the family ate while my mom stood by the window cooling off. “Im not hungry right after I cook” she always said. She’d get upset if we tried to wait on her to sit down. I always waited. I ate many a cold meals with my mom.

Drove all along the main rd of highway 86 where I lived for 11 years. The old used car lot where I bought my first car, old Pete Beasley’s house where he always sat on the porch and waved. Mrs. Ayer’s the old maid who worked for the high school. Her tiny car would putter by our home at 25mph after school everyday. Slow enough to see her expression as she drove by.

That car never saw the speed limit.

I had a thought of walking along 86 for a bit with a cold Pepsi and junior mints like my momma and I used to do during the summers to Hazzards gas station. I’d play pinball and Galaga there when they had a game room. Piedmont didn’t have much for entertainment in those days. Still doesn’t.

Hazzards is a Starbucks now. Piedmont has a Starbucks? What in the fuck?

My childhood home is gone. I almost drove by the plot without seeing it. My memories of that home are just that now. I had a mix of jolly and folly. I felt a lot of love in that home just not so much the town surrounding it.

It’s nothing personal but it sort of is.

The focus of structure of that old town stops about a half mile down off of exit 35. Downtown has the Saluda Grill as an oasis of rebuilding of a semi historic area but it seems to have stopped in its tracks. I can recall several people reaching out to me to help awaken the downtown area with a business and I just couldn’t see it unfolding. I could be wrong but it seems to be growing on the wrong side of town.

I pulled into the QT by the exit and sat in the lot for a minute.

“I think that’s it Chad.”

There’s nothing here to come back to anymore.

Not sure why I felt the need to drive around the “town” yesterday. I literally veered off of 153 before 85 and thought “let’s go sight seeing”

Maybe I needed to close some old emotional loops and connections and I think I did. This isn’t implying I’ll never drive to Piedmont again.

It just won’t be deliberately if that makes sense. Each street I drove down I closed a gate and locked it. Each memory that phased through my mind grew some wings and fluttered away.

A release of sorts. A mental and physical trail marker steering.

It felt good. Something in my mind collapsed in a good way.

A pinging

Writing this down sealed it. This is why I write.

To release

Job well done sir.

Carry on.

I suffer from speed. No I don’t take amphetamines I barely know how to spell them. Sure I drink a cup or two more coffee than most but I rarely consume caffeine after 9am unless I’m driving long distance and that’s a terrible combination to be honest.

I’ve harped on here dozens of times about my struggle to slooooooow down.

Walk slower

Drive slower

Work slower

Pace slower

Sleep slower (I know that sounds ridiculous it’s my post I can say shit like this)

Write slower. I’m always trying to complete this task in one sitting. This will not be one of those. I have 40 minutes this morning

Life slower. I guess it all comes down to this. I’m not trying to slow down time I’m only wanting to observe it more.

I know when I’m rushing around. My jaw is clenched, my breathing is quick and shallow, I sigh a lot. I’ve gotten very aware of my sighs lately. I could blow a ship with masts across the ocean with them. Sighing isn’t bad, you’re trying to regulate your breathing which regulates your nervous system. My nervous system has been my new project in the last year.

I refer to my nervous system as my human transmission. My mind/brain is the engine. It’s the torque that produces emotions, decisions and impulses. My eyes are the windshield, my ears help with balancing my breath is the regulator.

Also I don’t know shit about cars.

Your nervous system/transmission decides how much torque/force gets delivered. How quickly it’s delivered, when to speed up, coast, pause or park.

Regulates your reaction speed, stress response, sensory integration and muscle activation.

With intention and action it becomes the mediator.

Shifting into park is your sleep mode, deep shutdown

Neutral is meditation, dissociation or observation. This is my still mode. No music, no tv or phone. I like being in neutral first thing in the morning after I’ve been in park all night. Engine is idling, body is humming.

You put yourself in drive and you’re moving in forward motion, guided speed, efficient and stable. You’re in your tolerance zone. You’re cruising to the speed limit, singing along to the radio, traffic is going your way. Parasympathetic AF.

How you accelerate describes how you operate within your fight or flight environment.

If you’re stressed your speed is going to increase and decrease constantly. You aren’t idling at 2000 rpm, you may be going to from start to stop repeatedly, you’ve got one foot on the brake and one on the gas. Sometimes you’re in gridlock but you find yourself revving in neutral. Highways if you don’t maintain a high level of rpms cars will zoom by you, tailgate you, blow their horns at you all while you’re trying to maintain safe speeds. You’re accelerating to keep up with everyone else on the road. Sometimes you’re pulling more weight behind you causing strain on your transmission. On those uphill grinds your rpm’s shoot up to almost 6000 just to get over the hill.

I’m not a car guy but I know what the parts do. Sorta

I got rid of my camping trailer because of the stress it was putting on my transmission on roadtrips. I loved that trailer.

But

My truck’s transmission is more important.

Same goes for a lot of my lifestyle choices. My nervous system is also important. For years I went from park to overdrive. 30 years plus. Accelerating rapidly and slamming on the brakes angrily when others were in my way. I’m always in a hurry to get nowhere. The taller the hill the more gas I gave it. Even downhills, my foot was on the gas there was no coasting in my vibe.

Automatic

The past year I’ve changed my car/attitude. I went to manual. I shift my gears methodically. I like how first gear allows me to stay at one speed until I choose to shift up. If I’m going to fast I can downshift, slow and deliberate.

If I’m sitting still I can pop it in neutral. Let my motor idle within its capacity. Granny gear for those slow mornings when I want to see what’s around me while I acclimate. My first jeep had one. You’d just let the clutch out and let the gear move you forward. No acceleration it wouldn’t allow you to go over 6mph in that gear. Thats the first hour of my morning now. It’s also my gear when I get home from work. I use my overdrive only for high volume days. If I’m off work I don’t get on the highway. I coast on the backroads after everyone is at work. I barely get her out of third gear. Windows are down, tunes are playing Don’t Stop Believing through my speakers.

“Her” being my fascia.

My nervous system. My central transmission system..

I only rev when I have to. When it’s completely necessary.

Im pursuing cruise control at all times. Im on my own highway.

This is my constant focus at the moment. Slowing down. When I slow down I heal, I reflect and rest.

My focus skyrockets

I’m not distracted or stressed.

I like cruise control. And it likes me.

If there’s one grief I have with my business it’s that it puts stress on my transmission. If I’m grinding gears it’s at work. I’m not grinding them in the mountains. Work is my other trailer I pull. I’ve been towing it behind me for far too long.

A crotchety caboose of sorts.

A change of life is always on my mind.

Scooter Blues by Johnny Blue Skies is playing in my ears. I love when my music pairs with my writing. There are no coincidences.

“With the wind in my hair I’m gonna scooter my blues away”

I’m not trying to retire. I’m not TRYING to do anything. I’m aligning with my speed is all.

“Think I’ll move to an island and turn into vapor”- same song

Still vibing

I’m in granny gear at the moment. My feet are crossed on my sofa. My cat is close enough to absorb its purr. Coffee needs refreshing but I’m in no hurry. I’ve got a solid stream of charcuterie today to keep me busy but I can still maintain cruise control. My home is almost settled which makes me idle happily.

Peace and elbow grease.

In the Mood – Robert Plant is playing in my headphones at 5:46. It took a minute for my body to acclimate to Friday (it’s Friday right?) I think the move has slowed my body and mind down for a bit. I’m not in my comfort zone so I think I’m pulling a little bit more energy wading around the home looking for something and everything. I haven’t been home much since we’ve moved any contributions to the unpacking is sporadic before I head into work. I try to complete any chores before work and allow my evenings for downtime. Sometimes it works too well and I’ll kick and scream if I have to put on pants to go eat dinner. By 5:45pm I’ve checked out of the world. I don’t watch the news, I don’t engage with asshats online.

I’m in my zone. It’s dull as hell and man I love me some dull when I crave it. I don’t miss those emails at 10pm alerting me that the salmon salade niçoise went two points over food cost due to a hericot verts shortage.

*yawns

*stretches

Listen I do fight the urge to cook everyday. It’s in my blood like poison.

Had to grab a few things we left behind at the old house and was disappointed that I didn’t get to say goodbye to my neighbors. Gave a solid salutation to their ring cam and left.

Petty?

Me?

Have we met?

I love N main and obviously the neighborhood is amazing. I won’t miss dodging everyone’s cars parked in the road at all times and the constant construction and restorations which meant squeezing in between dump trucks and landscaping trailers. N main isn’t as docile as it seems. You get all the transplants coming in and knocking down small plot homes to build 7000 sq ft houses with two inches of yard surrounding them. Hence the reason why cars are always parked in the road. You’re in a labyrinth of mud soaked sidewalks, large trucks beeping in reverse and run the risk of running over roofing nails.

Yeah I’m a little bit of an ass when I see this. I grew up poorer than most people so when I see things like this it jades me. It’s personal. I don’t like to think that way but there’s no reason why empty nesters need a 7000 sq ft home. Or anyone for that matter unless you’re 8 is enough.

Again

I’m jaded. We stacked 5 to 6 kids in a 1100 sq ft 2 bd 1 bath home when I was a kid.

Man the character development.

My headphones are on hemi-sync again. I feel like I’m some sort of bonsai tree sanctuary. It’s actually rather soothing. Pan flutes? Is that what I hear? Anyone remember the infomercial with Zamfir playing that instrument? Like a catalog of his greatest hits.

Who buys this?

Pair him up with Kenny G and Michael Bolton for a hell of a collab.

*pauses

*puts Zamfir on headphones

… Jesus

The coffee has given me a 3 second attention span

*moves to Isbell. I like Jason Isbell, love his song writing but I feel like he’s sort of an asshat in real life. I may be wrong.

Off track and random I have one song on my phone that I most likely downloaded from a playlist that I enjoy. Don’t know the name or artist. The only lyric I can recall is actually the quote of another older song lyric so when I google it the original song comes up. I’m frustrated that I can’t recall it but at the same time it’s sort of exciting to come across it by random selection so I can finally tie it together. Did I mention how dull my life is?

I love it

Gonna do some intermittent fasting this morning I don’t have anything for breakfast.

I was writing yesterday on about 4 cups of coffee and went into a ramble about the fascia acting like a car’s transmission. I had every intention of finishing it but upon reading the first few hundred words I realized I didn’t have the energy for it this morning. That one may take a minute. I was all over it yesterday ☕️

I’m wanting to take a stab at a fictional short story. Something tight and quick (that’s what she said). I’m thinking of posting on fb asking for an easy plot idea to challenge me. I’ve got some stories but I like the idea of improvising someone else’s suggestion for a challenge.

Short and sweet. Just to get my feet wet.

Short Sweet feet.

Ok

I’m caffeinated time to start my day.

Peace

At least I think it is.

2026 finally dropped the first month into the toilet and pinched us off with February. I’ve got a new Mumford and Sons song in my ears. I dig it. No coffee in the house this morning so I put in the nearest Starbucks into my phone and it took me to the one inside the Grenville Memorial Hospital. I wasn’t dressed for public viewing so I took the next nearest suggestion and it took me to the one on Augusta rd which also does not have drive through access so the employees at that one got to see me in my finest threads.

Any Starbucks eye rollers here? Yeah I drink Starbucks. I’m open minded to any new coffee shops but most of you taste the same. Usually Counter Culture coffee ish and I’m not a fan. I like Leopard Forest but not the drive. I like coffee underground also and will hit them up if I’m in the area. Another well known, local coffee spot I’m not a fan. I just think they’re asshats.

But Chad Starbucks tastes burnt.

I like burnt

If my spoon isn’t congesting in the sludge I don’t want it. I half expect the spoon to come out bent.

Yesterday was a banger. We had 250 individual boxes to make for a catering. Sandwich side was not so good but thankfully it worked out because I needed every moment of my sandwich guy’s free time. Delivery was at 5:15 we finished and arrived at 5:12. A little too close for comfort. Individual boxes are not my favorite thing to do but they pay the rent. I went in at 8 and didnt look up until 5. Grateful for the work. Not so much the assembly.

Still navigating the new home. I’ve figured out where 10% of our previous home inventory is located so far. We probably had coffee but I wasn’t going to lift one more lid to one more box for a least another 48 hours. My autocorrect turned “hours” into “Boris”. Makes sense I don’t think I’ve typed the name Boris in my entire life.

Boris

Boris rings large bells in dark churches

Boris is the number one henchman because he’s reliable but not smart

Boris is a small country dictator that picks his nose.

My new living room has 6 spotlights and a ceiling fan with two lights. Just in case I want to watch dust particles form in live action. I could do surgery in this room. I put a lamp on 15 feet away instead. No one needs that much illumination in such a small square footage of space.

My cat is nestled beside me it seems she’s made the transition into comfort once again.

How about those Epstein files though..

I need to seek out a new gym soon. I took a year off from the grind at the gym. I have a membership at Anytime/24 hour fitness or whatever it’s called by Publix in cherrydale but I stopped going for some time. It’s not much a month but I don’t remember how to log into anything online to cancel which means I have to drive up there and talk to someone. Oof.

I may join the Y again. I drive by it every day. All of my weights at our home are scattered to and fro. I just wanted to use that term. It’s been awhile.

February is wild. It was January for 8 months and now it feels like March is tomorrow. It’s like a month sandwich. The 4th? Gtfo

This was a shorty of a blog. I got my 34th on of the year in. I’m good with that. I’m not going back to proofread either. I rarely do anyway.

Cheers

The more I move the less I enjoy the effort of relocating. Each year we seem to accumulate more belongings. More storage boxes are purchased (I don’t mess with cardboard box quests) and the attic gets smaller and smaller. It doesn’t help that we bought 27 gallon storage boxes and the width of the attic doorway is regulated for 26.5. Which means I have to turn the boxes sideways for passage through the rickety drop steps with just enough edge for my pinky toes to pinch down like a rock climbers grip to keep from falling backwards to my 7 foot doom. Attic stairs have not evolved since their inception. I can zoom in on an ice cream cone in a child’s hand in Guadalupe from space but I still have to reckon with a staircase that’s 9.5 inches wide and rolls out like a foil blowout.

The movers were nice and extremely chatty. The only box they dropped was one filled with constructed Lego’s. We now have more projects to perform. I did get a kick out of one of the movers pointing to the sectional and asking “we taking all of this?”

Nah leave the corner as a tip for the next tenant.

We have two cats and if you’re a cat owner then you know how well cats deal with change. Stairs are a new concept for them currently. The eldest keeps going up three to four steps and returning. Most of yesterday it sheltered behind the dryer meowing its protest of the upheaval. The younger one seemed unbothered. It also has the IQ of a nickel.

A clutter bomb has landed in this home and it’ll be sometime before the house feels settled. I have a rather large catering today probably the biggest we’ve ever had and then I have to assimilate for a new menu along with Valentine’s Day boxes. I still haven’t found a vocation where I don’t have to indulge in this ridiculous holiday. As a 35 year representative of service industry establishments I can say I’ve never had a relaxing February 14th. Great for business stimulation.

I’m done being stimulated.

Gripes for the new home so far-

My neighbor’s porch light is over 100,000 lumens. I wouldn’t be surprised if their outdoor furniture were melted.

I’m being a big baby but I don’t like climbing stairs to go to bed. As a ex long distance runner my knees don’t enjoy steps first thing in the morning.

My truck is the same size as the front yard

Outside storage is none. My camping gear is now hanging in my work office

I have to walk further for my coffee refill. I’m stretching for that one and honestly over all I dig the dig I’m three miles away from my old neighbor who despite my best spell casting didn’t drop dead on his lawn the entire time we lived there. I checked our ring cam for the coroner daily.

Jk

No I’m not

We have so much shit in this house it’s ridiculous.

One thing you don’t think about until after you relocate is where to find your new four to five takeout restaurant options.

Mexican

Sushi

Burger and wings (it HAS to be both)

Chinese

Pizza

We are walking distance to downtown albeit it’s squeezed between gentrified and cracked homes. Is it odd that as I get older the cozier it feels to live close to a hospital?

Broken hip falling down the attic stairs? No problem! St Francis is 30 seconds away. I was born at the original St. Francis. How the world turns.

Cool story bro

I’ll have a new walking route soon. I’m actually excited about this having walked literally every single street and side street in N. Main. I wish I could’ve tallied all the miles traveled in that neighborhood. Average 3 miles a day, 4 days a week. I probably clocked over 1500 miles. That’s almost Denver. Highway miles.

I’m staring at 6 storage boxes in the kitchen and all I can hear in my head is the song 🎶 Black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow.. It’s wild that someone took the moving box industry by the horns and now everyone uses these boxes.

Black and yellow black and yellow 🎶

I’m listening to Hemi-sync sounds currently. I have a harp in one ear and xylophone in the other. My ass is back on the same seat of my sofa just a little different view now. We have two extra bathrooms man that was needed. Any venture away from the house for more than an hour meant three people scrambling into the house to call dibs on the toilet.

I’m gonna miss the vibe of the old house. It healed

This one will hold for as long as needed.

Bathroom has a nice shower head too. This is where I am in life. I like casual comfort.

The snow has made me a little lazy I’ve missed three days of work. I’m a momentum guy. Now I want to retire.

Side note with zero relevance- I don’t think I’m a winter person anymore. Still not a summer person I’m becoming an October 1- November 15th person.

Maybe an April person

The toilets here have flushing options. For the ones and the twos. I wonder what happens if you push both down? Is there a three option?

I think that’s enough writing for the day.

Peace ☮️

Something odd happened to me a year ago on this date. It would actually be tomorrow that I experienced it but I’m certain that it was two full days of benediction that brought it out.

Pulled it out?

Slapped me in the head?

How do you describe a spiritual awakening that you’d never heard of before? You hear about spiritual awakenings and you think about the hand of God reaching down to touch you, nudge you, speak to you. Jesus and all his friends clapping as you wake up.

I can’t tell you what that’s like. What I felt is all relative to these names and theology but at the same time it’s off a little.

Backstory – I went to Hunting Island State Park to relax for a couple of days last year. First night I had dinner and partook in about 4-5 grams of psilocybin. I indulge in mushrooms about twice a year. I’m not a pro or expert I take them from time to time to let go for a bit. Mushrooms are amazing. They connect the dots in your brain for you. I could write a small book on the benefits of psilocybin but it’s not the subject of the story this morning and I’m moving out of my home in three hours.

For brevity let’s say mushrooms help things make sense in the world with ease.

The night was fun, low key. I walked around the campground at night with a blanket for a shawl with my headphones on and stared at the stars for a bit. And pine cones.

Next day was a regular ole day. I hung out on the island and watched the palms dance in the wind. Had breakfast, lunch and dinner and proceeded to hang out in my tent once it got too dark to do anything else. I was in my environment, headphones, feet propped out of the tent. It was a cool 55° ish and I was smiling and profiling. Around 9pm a song came on my headphones I’d heard a few dozen times before but this time it hit a little different. Different is too mild of a word. The song, instead of playing into my ears, decided to enter my entire body. It resonated inside of me and shook me out of my current state of mind. I hit a euphoric state so intense that I felt like something much bigger than me touched me.

Shook me.

The euphoria was so intense that the only thing I could think of was I was dying and this is how you phase into the universe.

Or I had already died.

I sat in my tent with tears rolling down my face and chills all over my body. My initial thought was literally “what the fuck just happened?” I threw myself halfway outside of my tent to catch my breath. I thought I was dying. My face was flush my tent was hot even though it was February. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. After about 2 minutes that felt like 2 hours I came back down and crawled back inside of my tent. I smirked a little with a WTH? and lied down. It took a while for me to relax, in my head I was still downloading the experience. I do recall thinking at that moment “hey please don’t make me a messenger of spirituality, I’m the wrong guy for that shit”

That should’ve been the first sign that my life would never be the same. I knew something shook me awake.

The next day was just another day. I had to go back to work and spent my morning folding everything up and packing. I do recall calling my wife and while talking I had mentioned “something odd” happening last night. I didn’t tell her I thought I was going to die last night and I don’t recommend ever saying something like that to your significant other.

I felt weird. I recall a ringing in my ears for a while that day. I went back to work, a little sluggish from the drive. Went home and life resumed back to the life of Chad.

For a bit

Weird that the song that rang in my ears that night is currently on my headphones.

This is where it gets hard to explain things and directions.

My mind shifted over a brief period.

I started to have interests in subjects I didn’t even think about before that night.

Carl Jung psychology

Rumi poetry

Chakras

Gnosticism

Multiple realities

Nag Hammadi

Hermetic philosophy

Ancient symbols, coding

I could go on and on. Other teachers I’d never discovered or focused on and much more.

366 days ago I couldn’t tell you a single thing about any of these people or subjects. The subject matter alone would’ve gotten a raised skeptic eyebrow from me if you brought it up in conversation.

That’s when I started seeing my trail markers. Highlighted thoughts and signs in my head.

Intuition spikes

Vibrational changes

Algorithms

Patterns

Gut feelings

My mind went into a reset mode. Not overnight. It was subtle and thank god because it’s been a hell of a ride to this day.

Something cracked open my mind. Wide fucking open.

I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since. Not occasionally mind you. I wake up with it in my head and it doesn’t fade until I go to bed.

It’s not an obsession it’s my life now.

I’m going to breeze through this part and walk lightly. I’m not here to try to convert or change your opinion on life or religion. Not my place. In fact unless you have experienced what I have you won’t get it. That’s not some elitist cult bullshit I just don’t have the words to describe the feeling and emotions.

People get weird when you don’t align with them spiritually. Sometimes angry and I’m not here for that. I’m not here to change your mind. It’s not my job or prerogative.

Once it’s there it’s there to stay

There’s no “eh I’m over it”

Once you see/feel it doesn’t go away.

You dont need validation because once you experience it your intuition holds it for you. It changes how you see things. You aren’t turning back the gate has opened on one end and closed on the other.

It changes you

How you approach things

How you feel about things and others.

The first few weeks I was thinking I was experiencing some sort of psychosis. I was all over the place. I hadn’t learned yet how to filter out all the noise in my head. It’s not like an app download in your mind it’s a complete reset with a new software update. And you don’t get any tips or instructions.

A giant veil gets ripped from your eyes.

Your reality changes. Literally everything does.

I thought I was crazy for a bit but after doing a little legwork I find more and more people that have experienced the same thing as me.

Same

Exact

Intuitions

Perspectives

Stories

Feelings

Coincidences. Actually there’s no such thing as a coincidence.

It’s like you joined a club of a few thousand.

But

It’s growing. People are waking up. I’ve witnessed a few fb friends wake up and I’m like “hey! Welcome to the new world!”

I’ll say this and this is all you’ll get from me unless we are talking in person.

We’ve been lied to for sometime.

A loooooong time

About what Chad?

Literally everything.

Every

Thing

The world is a stage of distractions and chess players.

This is why I dissociate from current events. This is why I don’t engage with politics and news outlets.

Sorry y’all I’m no longer here for it.

I disconnected. Actually that’s not correct. I connected to my real self. A much higher self. No that doesn’t mean accession or any higher level of authority or life. I’m just starting to think on my own for once with no outside influences.

Connected by Stereo MCs is on my headphones right now. Quite the coincidence. Oh wait there’s no such thing.

“If you make sure you’re connected

The writing’s on the wall

But if your minds neglected

Stumble you might fall”

There are so many coded songs with messages out there if you listen closely.

Prince threw it in your face several times.

Music

Hertz

Vibrations

It’s all connected.

You won’t find it it’ll find you.

Hold on tight when it does.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually did die that night. I walked out of that tent a different person

Oh well. Time to finish packing

Peace ☮️

7:15. I haven’t been outside or looked out of the window today. I know what to expect. Another day of being grounded in my own home. That’s not an exclamation of drama I’m not upset or anything I’ve lived in the south my entire life I know what these once in a decade snowfalls do to this area. I don’t try to fight the weather during this time I take a loss and wait it out. I’m thankful the power is on and my house and family are warm.

And my cat

Was suppose to move yesterday our home goods are in suspended transit. Snow came fast. Rescheduled and currently sitting amongst a labyrinth of 27 gallon storage boxes. Yellow and black or not apart of my home color scheme. It’s obnoxious. Our dining table is hidden behind a Great Wall of picture frames and sealed textiles. Moving can be a tad stressful. Now add frustration to the equation. We aren’t even placing the toilet paper into the roller. Needless commitment.

I don’t like disorder. Not in a neat freak way I like my clutter to be in its mise en place. My rooms, home and work space all replicate my energy and style. Im a little more into interior design than your average straight man. I enjoy being surrounded by certain textures, colors and shapes. I love earth tones mixed with bohemian themes, loud centerpieces and random placement of pieces of art that make people scratch their heads. My mantle before we started packing had books, a banjo, camping van made from legos with Beastie Boys action figures surrounding it and some sage. I have an old armoire to hold some clothes and camping gear using garage shelving for compartments. My first house was a bungalow. When you walked into the front door to the living room you immediately saw orange ish walls, blue in the dining room and yellow kitchen.

I was still trying to find my decor vibe. I painted a room red once. After my 6th layer of paint I decided red would no longer be a primary wall color.

I don’t really put much effort into our rental home as far as color goes I’m not painting someone else’s walls. I don’t enjoy painting but I’m fairly quick when I paint I rarely tape anything I’m too lazy.

Deli is a good extension of my taste in decor. I love exposed wood and concrete floors. My entire ceiling would be tongue and groove if it were possible. Metal components. I didn’t hand pick the tile as much as I picked it from a small line up from a friend of mine.

I smile when I slow down long enough to witness the work that came with building it out.

I walked through the new home Friday. It was my first time in the house my initial introduction was 2 minutes of a videoed walkthrough. It’s a new build I’m a “this old house” type of guy although I despise having to repair anything that’s too old to maintain so I enjoy a good mix. If the house is new I decorate with older things to balance. Old home goes opposite. This isn’t my ideal home and it’s not supposed to be if that makes sense. It’s a 2 year hotel room. I’m not expressing negativity about the home it’s a cozy place from what I’ve seen. The Gangwers haven’t found their ideal long term sanctuary yet but my focus will slowly start to develop into that function soon. Our last family home for a decade wasn’t meant to be. In fact that entire lifestyle was a result of multiple situations that seemed to put us in a bind that accumulated over time. We basically walked away from that home without waving goodbye.

That’s it.

We had a lot of wounds to lick. Healing was needed. This house was the rest home. 5 year sanctuary, it held us together.

The next one is a cozy waiting room. A building point.

I zone out at times on my dream home and the more I think about it the more I go from space, location and size to energy, practical and ease.

I like practical with a tad of senseless. Maybe a little absurdity.

All I know is I’ll have some goats, chickens and a few alpacas.

And somewhere I can stick my feet in the water. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it took you a few minutes of driving down my driveway before you saw my house. One other must- sunrise or sunset has to be able to shine on my porch.

A greenhouse would be a nice touch.

No neighbor close by, for some reason I always have issues with all of mine. Maybe a big dog. Not sure yet we are still mourning our last one.

I may go for a walk out in the snow today the temperature doubles at noon to a ripe 32°. First month of January hasn’t disappointed.. I handle these things better than I used to.

A new Sturgill album would help.

A campfire too. Maybe a collab of both? It’ll be March before I camp again. I’m manifesting a trip out west soon with my buddy. The San Juan’s are calling me too. So two trips this year

Today will be another rest day. I use to feel guilty about these days for not being active but I’m making up for the days when I didn’t have this opportunity in the past. I’m juggling three books at the moment a bit of fiction, documentary and a learning guide.

Avett Brothers – Laundry Room ringing in my ears.

“I am a breathing Time Machine

I’ll take you for a ride”

Good balance.

Peace.

Journalling daily has its challenges. Subject matter can be an issue when your mind has been on repeated loops the last couple of days. Not much adventure surrounding the Gangwer household with iced roads and days filled with packing. I did manage to get out of the house yesterday afternoon. Took my daughter with me to Spartanburg to look at camera lenses and then lunch. Did you know that there’s only one camera shop left in the upstate? Within at least another 100 miles of its nearest competitor.

Wild.

We went downtown and had lunch at my buddy’s spot Delaneys. Kevin’s a swell guy and yes I would drive 40 minutes to support his biz. I like downtown Spartanburg it reminds me of Greenville in the mid 90s. I can breathe up there. No hate on my friends with businesses downtown Greenville. Crowds are good for you. Just not me.

I’ve watched a lot of drama with the regional meteorologists over the last storm of the century.

I’m not a meteorologist. Not by a long shot. Can’t tell you a damn thing about it other than current temperatures when I’m standing outside.

But

Why do we need personality for weather forecasts? I’m not an AI can replace anyone person but this would be an appropriate situation where AI puts out the forecasts and we run with it. Meteorologists aren’t standing outside in shaman garb, eyes rolled back in their head, teeth clicking while staring at the clouds “BIG STORM COME TOMORROW”

They’re reading and interpreting data to incorporate into predicting weather patterns.

Am I wrong with thinking this can be done without the play by play to help increase viewers to see the next pop up ad?

It’s not the meteorologist. It’s not that half the time they aren’t accurate. It doesn’t bother me. As someone who tries to spend as much time as I can outdoors I’m appreciative of the effort. I don’t take my chances in inclement weather if I don’t have to.

It’s the sensationalism

They, like news organizations like to provoke emotions by using scare tactics and bullet points emphasized with words like “crippling” “devastating” “horrifying” “possible mass casualties”

Listen

Fuck off with this shit. No one needs this right now the country it’s already wound tight.

I’m not saying don’t listen to them. Not saying the weather can’t go to shit.

Weather shouldn’t be used as a sales pitch to boost fear. And that’s exactly what a lot of them are doing.

Also don’t live your life to react to every situation that comes your way. Planning is paramount.

I’ve got Carolina Chocolate Drops on my headphones. It’s been years.

Justice fans don’t come for me you know I’m right.

You never realize how much shit you nail, tape, glue to the walls of your home until you have to take them down. We have a ridiculous amount of stuff.

Our belongings are obese. Obtrusive. Why do I need all of this? The energy of “look what I bought ten years ago and have no attachment to but it pairs well with that chair I don’t sit in.”

I want to get rid of all of it.

But

I won’t

Some old energy keeps me intact

Time to go back to work. Can’t remember the last time I spent three days off with no outdoor activities.

Peace

Slept in today. Did the same yesterday. I woke up at my regular time but when I maintain consistent horizontal levels I can usually get another hour of sleep. Yesterday was a quiet one. I watched two movies while under a blanket that I bought for camping two months ago that still hasn’t seen an outdoor setting and probably wont for another month. I sold my RTT and truck topper a lot faster than I intended to so my truck is naked until March when my new camper (hopefully) arrives. Both components sold by two weeks. Hey marketplace folks, things sell much easier when you respond to messages.

Just an FYI

We are moving in 5 days. This old home no longer feels like home it’s a labyrinth of packing boxes and displaced furniture. By the end of today we will most likely be reduced to one fork and knife per household unit until we’ve been relocated.

The queueist of queues

The coffee maker will be the last thing packed up.

I normally go outside for a moment with my feet in the grass to wake myself up but I’m going to sit this one out. A broken hip at 7am just doesn’t resonate with me right now.

Snow days are good for reflection. I did go for a couple of walks, one of them to the local HT to grab a few snacks and such. I walked around the neighborhood with a bag of sun chips snacking as my feet crunched the snow. Headphones on in my own little world. Occasionally I’d get an icicle to kamikaze off of a tree branch and slide down my back to bring me back home.

I took up to two naps although one happened along as I was meditating.

I’m rested

I’m calm

This whole month has been underwhelming in life and I’m riding the wave as intended. The last two were completely the opposite. Little aches and pains that I accept as my daily fate have receded into numbness for now. Rest was needed. As stubborn as I am to maintain perpetual motion everyday I’ve learned that rest is still vital to healthy self. The world is no longer mine to take over. I left that baton in the ditch.

This is usually my meditative time of morning. I do my stretch routine, drink a pint of warm water, respond to messages and then sit in my zone for 20 minutes. Meditation time.

I get some sideways glances when I talk about meditation. A lot of people think it’s new age, hippie, mystical and even foreign. I used to. The first time I attempted it years ago I went full Sukhasana with my legs crossed over and immediately got cramps. Took 20 years off and tried it again.

Listen

Yoga doesn’t have to be you covered in linen garb, legs crossed, fingers formed in dual ok 👌🏼 signs, cross legged on a rug made from your ancestors. I do yoga on my sofa. Relaxed and comfortable. You don’t have to light a candle or burn sage. You just have to be still with yourself.

It takes time. You gotta breathe first.

There are several different breathing exercises you can do I’m more of a box breather sort of the same the Seals (navy) do it. I breathe in for 4, hold for 6, exhale for 6 and hold for 4 more. Repeat as long as you want. It takes a little time to get a cadence down. It’s all about rhythm. The first few times I jolt myself up because my lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen.

You’re just sitting still, no distractions, no moving around. Headphones really help. I use an eye cover too. 20 minutes minimum.

A lot of people try it and get frustrated. Too many of you expect some sort of accession from meditation. Prana lighting up your body. Astral projection, seeing lights dancing around or shapes like you’re on DMT. Yes there are some breathing techniques that can release your DMT. I’m not the one here to tell you how. I’m aware of the practice it’s just not something I’m trying to achieve at the moment. It’s not that I don’t want to I’m just not ready to.

Don’t think of meditation as a gateway into another world or reality. It may be for some you can definitely go off the charts a little bit with it depending on where your brainwaves are. I went into a blog awhile back about brainwave levels, not sure I posted it or not I’ll have to look back on it. One year ago I wouldn’t have been able to explain a single thing wave to anyone. Life is wild y’all.

Meditation can’t be forced. You have to be in the mood and by that I mean you have to set the stage. You have to be relaxed, you need to be still. It should be relatively quiet for focus.

I put my headphones on and I’ll insert specific playlists I’ve curated for the mood. Sometimes it’s music I enjoy other times it’s hertz levels. Or spa music. For a few minutes I’ll shake my mind free from daily thoughts while I slow my breathing down and once my lungs have relaxed I start my box breathing. I count at first to get the rhythm down but after a few minutes I’m in my own little breathing pattern. It took a month or so to get here. I don’t time how long I do it I sort of go with the flow. Probably three breaths a minute once I’m locked in. All I’m doing is slowing down my own little world.

Shrinking it and slowing it.

I’m not trying to stop myself from thinking. You can’t yourself from thinking it’s like trying to stop your heartbeat. You can regulate your heartbeat with enough concentration and your mind. That’s all I’m doing is regulating my mind. And my nervous system.

I’m not trying to erase my thoughts. I’m studying them.

I’m listening.

Your mind is moving around a thousand different directions I’m only trying to get mine to go down one straight line for a bit. No zigzagging.

Focusing

It takes a while. Think of your mind as an antenna for cosmic WiFi. You get better reception in some places than others. Nature you get less distortion. I’ll sit in my zone and visualize a WiFi network scanning for reception. I’ll see the little WiFi symbol moving from the dot up to the last rung seeking out my cosmic receiver. Whatever is on my mind I don’t try to fight it. I acknowledge it and keep seeking. It’s like you’re looking for a specific face in the crowd. You’ll bump into others and have small conversations with them until you’ve found the one you want to talk to. I’m referring to thoughts not actual beings we aren’t talking about DMT anymore.

Meditation is like anything else. You have to practice. The more you do it the more it makes sense as to why you should. Meditation connects the dots in your mind. If your brain is a jigsaw puzzle meditation helps you put it together.

It’s a problem solver. You’d be surprised at how easy you can relate to things when you slow your thinking down.

You react less to your emotions. You’ve spent time in your zone to break down triggers and behavioral loops.

You can address old trauma. You become your own therapist in your mind. No one knows you better than you. Your mind is connected to your soul’s WiFi. All you’re doing is creating less distortion and noise.

It takes time. Patience. Once you get into the rhythm you’ll know. Sometimes you’ll be able to see a distant field of light if you do it enough. That’s a whole ‘nother thing to discuss and this isn’t the time. There’s a lot out there to see.

I’ve kicked most of my depression to the curb. By addressing little jolts of thoughts that try to render my mind. I can’t stop thoughts from coming. I can acknowledge them now and tell them to bugger off if they arrive. As long as I’m not distracted.

When you meditate it’s not as much as a “what do I want to think” about it’s more of a “why am I thinking about this?” You see it, you feel it, you hear it.

You reckon with it. It’s a dusty thought on your shelf that you pass every time you get up to grab something out of the kitchen. You’re aware of it but it’s been there for so long that you don’t even look at it anymore. Filled with old dust and dander, it just sits on your shelf taking up space. Meditation brings you to that dusty thought and asks “what do we want to do with this?”

Do we dust it or do we throw it away?

Toss it hombre

After a while you’ve got a clean shelf on your walk to the bathroom. You no longer walk by it like it doesn’t exist in fact as your walking by you smile at it because it’s cleaned up, organized and you’re like “fuck yeah I did that”

The more shelves you dust off the more you smile as you walk by.

It’s that simple.

I could be very overwhelmed right now with my house in a boxed up mess but I’m fine.

My shelves are cleared and dust free.

As long as I maintain them that way.

I’m going to finish my coffee soon and relax. My deli is closed due to the weather. You win some you lose some

Ebb and flow

My shelves are empty.

I’m not a fan of fear style headlines. Or clickbait headlines but I’m specifically referring to the ones the media sources produce for scare tactics.

They’re all over the place on social media. I can’t speak for tv news I haven’t watched it in years it’s mostly propaganda as are most other news outlets. If I am scrolling on social media my eyes will occasionally slow down on a news story that will cause me to pause and roll them to the back of my head. Not at the subject of the article but the headline itself.

“Mother of 3 killed in road rage incident 2 days before Christmas”

How does this article make you feel?

Sad. Three children just lost their mother

Angry. At the person or persons that killed her over a traffic dispute

Right before Christmas? Now we feel even more sad and outraged.

Next we read the article

She had just left the mall to get her youngest son (who has a mental impairment) the Lego set he’d always wanted. She’d just left her third shift job she specifically picked up to afford her children gifts.

The person who shot her? They’ll (journalists) dig up something in regards that the perpetrator was out on parole for waving a gun at someone while they were pumping gas or previous road rage issues.

“Judge let them go with a slap on the wrist”

“The victim was this color”

“The suspect was from this country”

“The gun was purchased at this establishment”

“The children’s father is a deadbeat”

“The gun laws in this state allow this”

We, as readers and followers of these news outlets respond in kind.

We are saddened by her death and as even with just a smidgen of empathy we should be. Grieving over tragedy is natural.

But

Then we get into the article and the verbiage the author wrote for us to engage.

Then we get angry and agitated.

“The judge should’ve never let him go!”

“How did he get a gun if the state doesn’t allow guns?” Gun laws don’t work for criminals!”

“Oh his parents were illegal immigrates? Who was president at the time they entered? Oh of course he was!”

“She had three kids and no father? People need to practice birth control better!”

“Have we heard both sides of the story?”

This incident happened 2000 miles away from your community and here you are.

Fucking pissed

Outraged

Sad

Scared

Distracted

Overwhelmed

It started out as a tragedy and by all accounts it was.

But

Now you’re even more angry because it’s been attached to the narrative that you’ve attached to your own identity. Some of us the narrative has become our whole personality.

Weather

Currently my biggest peeve. Obviously it’s trending that’s all I see now when I go online. There’s probably a few local meteorologists that think I’m a troll. In a way I suppose I am. I harp on their posts because of the wording of their posts.

Crippling ice

Devastating winds

Exploding trees

Ice quakes

Listen

Fuck you and your fear tactics

You sound a little jaded Chad.

Nah

Just awake

I’m not trying to steer you into the “all news is propaganda” narrative. It’s not all bullshit. It’s not about what’s happening but about how it’s displayed for us to see. It’s delivered with boxing gloves and volatile rhetoric.

The news has to sell tickets to make money. To sell tickets they have to create a story/agenda/pattern/narrative.

They build the stage. We become their audience and fill the auditorium with boos and cheers while they clench our energy with their fists.

Sounds dark doesn’t it?

My views can be viewed as skewed if it makes you feel better. I dislike the media. I don’t trust the media in fact I despise the media.

The news media is owned. Simple fact. If you watch the news on tv just look at the commercials that pop up in between. They’re the ones paying for it.

Listen

I’m not saying all news is fake. A lot of it real life happening around us it’s just wrapped around a narrative and big corporations that have a lot to lose and or gain. It’s not paranoia folks. It’s literally right in front of our faces. I feel like it’s necessary to repeat that. Some of you still think big brother is one your side.

Chad are you a conspiracy theorist?? Oh yeah I love all kinds of conspiracy things. Did you know the CIA was the ones to brand the term “conspiracy theory”? Oh the irony.

I don’t watch the news anymore and if you’re one of those people who are addicted to outrage and virtue signaling I’ve most likely hidden you months ago. Good for you but I prefer to separate my personality from the propaganda. I know that may sound like some smug shit when I say that. It’s not my intention but I get tired of the whole “if you don’t side with my pov or opinion then unfriend me”

I enjoy the fb friends that I can engage with and have no idea who they voted for the last decade.

Pure energy

My beliefs lately have been based on the belief that we are all just energy. Not matter, energy. Matter is created by energy. “Energy can’t be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”. A very smart man with big hair said this.

I know about .001% of quantum physics. I’m fascinated by it.

Energy has been my kick for the last year. Not Duke energy or anything like that.

The real thing

Our energy

The one thing we should have complete sovereignty over.

But

We don’t

Or at least most of us don’t

We all have it. We all use it in our own ways. Some have a little more than others. Some can light up a room with it. Others can take yours away. It may be that boss or coworker that always seems to sap your energy with their stories or presence. That one you try to avoid throughout the day. You can feel your jaw tightening when they walk in the room. You want to leave immediately when they show up or you want them to leave.

Acquaintances at parties or functions

The one neighbor that’s never felt right anytime you have a conversation with them

That one cashier or employee of a place you frequent where you suddenly find yourself avoiding them at all costs. You can feel your energy draining when you’re around them. It’s not just your imagination.

Another example – ever come home and you can tell that your significant other is in a bad mood before you even exchange words? You can feel their energy in the room as you walk in. My wife can read my energy the moment I come home. I don’t hide it I wear it like a hot boiling pot on the stove. We all have energy fields surrounding us like a vibrational aura. That’s all we really are.

This isn’t mystical it’s science

We don’t run out of energy. We run low on focus, drive and a lot of us lend it out to other people and things. People that suck it away. Subjects that control our attention and focus.

Like the news. Current events whether it’s articulated or expounded.

Energy is power

Simple example- your favorite sports ball team always plays better at home. Well if your team is worth a shit they are suppose to.

Home field advantage = mass manifested energy hurled into one thought- WINNING

The cheers, roars, claps and boos are directed at one specific team to give them more energy than the other.

How well does this work? Let’s use college football as an example because I’m more interested in it than any other sport.

Recent data shows college football home teams win 64% of their games when playing on their turf. In the last five years from the 20 seconds of google research I did. 63.8% to be exact.

It brings up familiarity of your surroundings, travel time etc. All which are forms of energy. Comfort in your surroundings gives you more energy. Less travel time = more rest time = more energy.

Simple sally equations here.

Bands playing fight songs = augmented energy

Cheerleaders

The song entrance to hype the team and the fans are great energy builders.

Fucking cannons are going off for fuck sake. This isn’t just added theater this is to ramp up everyone’s energy.

Energy is matter. And it matters

Even when you’re watching the game at home. If it’s a close game you feel deflated or elated once it’s over all the while sitting with your feet propped up on the coffee table.

“I’m exhausted!” You should be you just gave most of your energy away watching a football game.

NFL the home team doesn’t pull off the win as often. Money is a factor. Money is also energy. In fact it has its own current. Don’t worry college football is almost there.

Energy

Why does the media like to control our energy? Simple

The energy of focus is a powerful one. If you get enough of us on the same page with the same actionable thought, things get done. Or the opposite direction we don’t allow things to happen through the sheer volume of resistance.

We are incapable of any sort of meaningful collaboration for change because we are pulled and divided in several different directions.

By the media and the ones that control it. You think a large media outlet is going to bash a company like Pfizer when it gives hundreds of millions of dollars in sponsorship? Why do we need ads for prescription drugs? Do you know how many countries allow ads for prescription medications?

2 – US and New Zealand.

No paranoia was harmed in that last point. Am I a paranoid person? I’m sure I could be labeled as one but if you’ve read something on here that’s not true feel free to educate me.

Collectively we are dangerous of what we are capable of when our energy is focused on something positive.

Hard to come up with an example nowadays. Unfortunately we’ve become stadium fans of opposed politics. We don’t have discussions anymore because the internet has given us the green light to spout nonsense without actual evidence or knowledge. Trust me I’m not above the bullshit. I’ve only just now learned to backspace and logout.

So insert media coverage from two point of views (left, right) divide and conquer. The ones on the fence get whiplash watching both sides argue over plots all created by the same entity.

Does this work well for them? Yes

Because our energy is being pulled around by multiple sources and distractions.

Can you imagine a rival football game where the visiting team is not allowed to have seats available for their fans? No voice? No one allowed to cheer for the opposing team? Or say for every 1000 seats the opponent is allowed one fan. What’s the point?

Now imagine the home team’s energy. Everyone in the stadium hyper focused on the big “W”. The electricity pouring through that stadium would hit outrageous decibel levels, amps would go up to 11 and the chances of the opposing team winning drop dramatically. Now if you got that entire stadium filled with 100,000 plus energized maniacs and you could get them all to focus on one local current event such as oh I don’t know, a corrupt institution of well dressed folk then watch what happens.

If you focus that much energy into one specific thing or task it’s going to blow the doors off of whatever it’s attached to.

Take water for an example. A shower head feels nice paired with the perfect amount of water pressure to temperature control ratio.

If you take that same amount of pressure and push it through one little hole instead of 50 the force of energy increases. You have one incredible stream of water that feels like it’s trying to bore into your skin. With enough pressure from a strong enough water pump it could cut right through you like a hot knife cutting butter.

Focused energy.

You’re always at your keenest when you’re focused. I’m in a zone when I’m unplugged, early morning, no breakfast and I’ve stretched my body and mind. Once I log into this ridiculous app I’m pulled away from my thoughts. I watch friends argue and harp on the same patterned shit every day. They’ve also been pulled away from their thoughts and emotions.

Their energy

My energy is being pulled towards some BS I don’t align with and yours is pissed at mine for not sharing the same vibration

Agenda

Lifestyle

Narrative

Perspective

Outline

Empathy

And so on.

We aren’t meant to have this much outreach for outrage.

Our energy is being wasted as it has been designed to by others.

Some would call it energy harvesting. I could go deeper with that but I’ve probably caused 20 yawns by now.

I don’t watch the news anymore because I don’t have the energy it requires. Actually I’m not allowing the energy it requires. Honestly it’s the same with sports on a grand scale. I never liked how I felt sapped after watching a three hour long sports show where my emotions were running rampant. To pull for a team filled with athletes who’ve I’ve never met. Pull against the other team and despise those that pull for them. It wasn’t good enough to just watch the game and enjoy it. I’d go online and sustain arguments with complete strangers that dared say rude things about this team I liked. They play sports only 140 miles away from me how dare you! I’d get anxious before the big game. If they lost man it fucked up my week and I still have to deal with the faceless asshats that keep talking shit about my team for a week. A whole ass year if it’s a rival game because I was made to hate the opposing team. All of that energy was directed at me.

Why is it my team anyway? I have no ownership or control. I don’t get any money from them but they sure as hell get mine.

I’m keeping my energy close. I’ve been doing it for a while and after time you become much more aware when it’s being pulled. A fishing line with a hook carrying whatever pulls you away.

I don’t know the endgame to this ice storm of the century I’m currently sitting in. We got some ice for sure. And it’s going to get real cold today. It seems we caught a break. That’s the way I need to look at it. Not the meteorologist is a nitwit although boy I could direct my energy that way.

It’s better to be safe than sorry.

It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

Yeah yeah

The verbiage to incite and to scare was certainly there. And it worked. Man we (the consumer) spent a shit ton of money on emergency goods this week. I let the headlines of Helene get to me too. Scared the shit out of me and now I get a little PTSD from these warnings.

It zaps my energy.

Well done sirs well done.

Listen

This is obviously 💯 my opinion. For the most part.

I’m not trying to take away any of your energy.

Just giving out some free awareness.

Peace and fuck the media 😇