Bearded Gang

I don’t miss my old employees. I miss my friends I made from work over the years but not the employees. I still talk to most of the people I made friends with through the service industry or at least engage with them on here but the others not so much. Not sure what prompted this proclamation it might’ve been while I was scrolling through my memories. I go back about as far as 2012 before I start reading the perspective of a completely different human being.

I was quite the NPC in my steakhouse days. I looped da loop for years doing my thing. I was a brainwashed corporate manager for years. I was structured for the system. A robot of handbooks and lineups. The steakhouse was my military training sans guns. I squished most of the era into a small file in my pocket and stored it away forever. I made a small handful of forever friends but we are all slowly fading away in memory. Not a stab at any of them at all life goes on is all. Activities and prerogatives change over time.

We are still only a phone call away.

Southern friends are the same. We don’t chat much anymore but I’ll see one or two faces who will come by to say hi and I’m appreciative of it.

I used to think I was a good boss but I look back on my career and cringe at a few behavioral issues I had. I’m not harping on it anymore we all fuck around with bad decisions in our lives. Observing is learning. I’m not reliving the past I’m adjusting from my past experiences.

My brief mentioning of not missing my employees came from reading my old posts. It’s a progression of what started out as frustration to a daily basis of dealing with staffing shortages. I read them and my memory clicks with it like a Lego.

I can read a status update and feel what I felt 10 years ago. It’s surreal. I wouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t go back to the steakhouse, I wouldn’t leave to open my own spot.

I just wouldn’t.

There no perfect insight as to why. I don’t look back fondly of the work I’ve done. The people I’ve made friends with? Yes. Not the jobs.

I’m good in this field. Better than average. Doesn’t mean I chose to do it.

I’ve always been curious about the perspective of someone who has worked the same job/position their entire life. The teacher who starts teaching right out of college and then 40 years later they get their cupcake party and go home to retire. Not knocking this at all it seems rather peaceful in comparison to mine.

Work has been my life

Work had been the bane of my stress

It’s taken valuable time from my life

I went when I didn’t want to

I worked when I probably shouldn’t have

It’s broken my body and mind over the years. I’ve never worked a job that had a healthy cadence. The speed goes from first gear to fifth in seconds. The only desk job I ever had my mind screamed “this ain’t it boss” and I left after 3 months. People are always “I wouldn’t know what to do with my free time if I was retired” and I’m like let me have it then. I’ll figure it out.

No one is to Blame by Howard Jones is in my ears.

Well played

I’m pushing a button of steam here y’all. I’m not venting I’m releasing. I have to make myself say these things out-loud to put it away. I don’t fixate on my old self like I used to. It’s a different approach for me now.

I’m witnessing and regarding

Shedding

Hopefully evolving.

Evolving is perpetual if you allow it. And you should we are made of clay not stone

My memories reflect that. That’s the only reason why I go back to read them. Absorb them like a bounty towel.

My wife and I were having a discussion about my early life and childhood. I was referencing about how my life would’ve changed had I not moved to Piedmont. It’s always felt like an obligatory side quest during those years.

“Do you think your life would’ve completely changed had your parents stayed together?”

I responded with “I’d probably still be sitting here with you on the sofa.” I think part of our lives are scripted. Like we read the script and thought “yeah I choose this series for my life”

I look back at all the clogs and setbacks I’ve experienced and see them as paths with pauses.

As I look back on some memories I can always recall some sort of fateful hand pushing me from certain decisions that would’ve completely changed the trajectory of my life. A shield or protector of sorts sometimes and others it was the bully pushing me into the deep end of the pool.

No matter how hard I tried to screw some things up, no matter how bad I imagined it to be, there has always been some cosmic deflector to keep my path in the direction it was meant to go.

Sometimes I was shielded from it, sometimes I had to paddle my legs to stay afloat.

If I gained another affliction instead of alcohol I think I would’ve bested it in the appropriate time.

I would’ve made a goal in my head to attain. It would’ve been a different mountain to climb but I would have done it.

Brevity insert – no matter the cycles I’d have endured I feel like it would all would arrive right here. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I didn’t end up here I played a 54 year game of chess against myself to get here.

The more I recognize this game the more it makes sense.

I look back on these memories like chess moves. I’m reading the words of a completely different person. A new pawn each year. Man it took a long time to achieve this perspective. You don’t have to wait for death to rise over your body and look down at yourself. I’m doing it right now.

Another quick download has been achieved. Or maybe it was a deletion of sorts..

Is today Friday? Time is moving fast right now. Anyone else notice?

Boxes are calling. Gotta go

Peace ☮️

I try new things all the time. I’m trying to shake up my body and mind.

New work outs

Eating

Routines

Reading

Running or walking routes

Body and mind practices

Right now I’m shuffling between anti parasitic health and reverse osmosis water. I’m testing the inflammation in my body with foods and ridding it of any little creepy crawlies.

We all have parasites in our bodies. Whether you want to think about it or not.

I listen to Solfeggio frequencies frequently.

I do a little tai chi with my hot tea

First thing in the morning I do a few minutes worth of shaking my body. Loosening my joints, moving by blood around. Then I’ll drink some warm lemon water and give my gratitude with my feet in the grass unless it’s white on the ground my hippie ass isn’t that hardcore yet.

All of these little procedures I’ve picked up over the last year. I let my instincts tell me if they align with me or not. I’ve tried a few woo woo things and they just feel silly. At the beginning of my little awakening I was all over the place. I went up in the air with no landing gear. My mind was trying to attach to any and every random focus of awakening material it could get its hands on. I’d say from last February to November I was still trying to smooth out. I’m sure the holiday work allowed me to set it aside for a bit.

I’m not trying to bend spoons or manifest a lotto ticket. I’m not physically trying to astral project although I strongly believe in it and fairly confident that I have. I’m not trying to signal aliens. I’m not trying to do anything profound actually I’m only looking to learn more about this topic. It pulls at me every single waking second.

The awareness is always there. I’ll be slicing open an orange and look down “look at that fucking geometry”

Some days it’s literally the Truman Show for me. The other day as I walked up to the register at Restaurant Depot I was amazed that two lines were empty. As I trotted towards the register 6 full carts pulled in front of me. No exaggeration.

Deadass you kids say.

Certain routes I drive I’ll observe no cars until I approach the stop sign and here they all come.

2 or 3 times a week two ladies will come in and sit at the same exact booth. They’ll order separately and sit at the one table for at least two hours.

Different ladies each time

I read or watched a video long ago that you could program parts of your reality. Or maybe it was you could insert things into your reality. The plan was simple, think of two random things it could be subject matter, prop, incidence etc. Think of two things and then tell yourself those two subjects or materials will show up somehow in your reality within the next 24 hours.

First thing is it has to be something somewhat tangible. You can’t say “I’m gonna see a 14 headed horse with fangs wearing a Billy Bob Thornton t shirt. You have to believe in what you’re looking for. Your mind won’t insert something that you already believe to be false. In short don’t pick two things that you’ve already made up in your head to be false or not existing.

I picked two random but possible things.

1. An easy one. I’ll see a red bandana in the next 24 hours. I had just lost mine the week before. Looked all over for it and never found it.
2. Someone will randomly strike up a conversation with me about Sturgill Simpson. I would make sure not to play any of his albums at work or start up a conversation myself. It had to be random I didn’t want to urge the process into existence.

Listen, I’m new at this shit.

Well I committed to that 24 hours of let’s see what happens.

When I got home from work about 3 hours after I started my internal clock I was folding my laundry and found my red bandana stuck to the back of one of my micro fiber towels I use for camping. It had been stuck to the back the entire time. At first I had a Woo moment but at the same time my mind was like “you went out of your way to make this happen” because yes I still had my mind fixated on that bandana when I got home. I wrote it off as coincidence. I hadn’t learned my lesson on that yet.

Found my bandana but it wasn’t the randomly I had inserted in my mind.

The next day when I was on hour 23 of my little experiment I’d sort of forgotten about it up until I was pulling into Publix to pick up some deli things and my Instagram pinged. I opened my phone to a reel a friend had sent me.

It was a video of Sturgill Simpson with a message attached to it.

I looked at it and laughed. I was like “shit I had forgotten about this” and at that same exact moment I looked up from my phone to see a woman walking across the parking lot with a red bandana on her head. I’m sure she was wondering who was staring at her like a ghost.

At first I wanted to see it. I needed proof of some pseudoscience shit. The whole time I was hyper focused I didn’t see or get what I wanted. It’s when I forgot all about it

It said “hey” 👋🏼 and went about its day.

Law of attraction is amazing.

Theories are my thing right now too. I’m all over the 12 universal laws.

• Law of Vibration: Everything is energy vibrating at specific frequencies; to attract, you must raise your personal frequency.
• Law of Inspired Action: You must act on your desires, as just meditating or visualizing without movement keeps you stagnant.
• Law of Cause and Effect (Karma): Every action has a corresponding reaction; intentional, positive actions yield positive results.
• Law of Correspondence: “As within, so without”—your external reality reflects your internal state.
• Law of Compensation: You reap what you sow; efforts are rewarded positively, often by the universe or others.
• Law of Polarity: Everything has an opposite (light/dark); you can master your life by shifting from a negative to a positive polarity.
• Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy: Energy is constantly changing form, allowing you to turn thoughts into physical reality.
• Law of Relativity: Each challenge is a test of strength and a lesson; perspective shapes the experience.
• Law of Rhythm: Life operates in cycles and rhythms (like seasons); you must work with these, not against them.
• Law of Gender: Everything has masculine (active/doing) and feminine (receptive/being) energy, and balance is necessary for manifestation.
• Law of Divine Oneness: Everything is connected, so your thoughts and actions impact the whole.
• Law of Attraction: Like attracts like; you attract what you are, not just what you want. 

This is googled reference here. I could break them down in scenarios and examples but I have to work for a living and I don’t have the time. But yeah I’ve been on this for a bit. It fits me like a glove.

No woo

No judgment or tithe

Solid advice

I didn’t look for these they found me. Just as the other activities I’m engaging in right now. My body or soul pings and I go that direction. Same as slowing my life down, sitting in stillness, breath work. I didn’t trip over a homeless yogi in Asheville or anything like that. I don’t have spiritual guides, sages or teachers to be honest you don’t need them. If you sit quietly long enough your big brother starts to communicate with you.

“You should do this”

Not

“Though shall NOT do this”

It hums it doesn’t scream.

Big bother who Chad? The universe, the monad, the big cosmic tree in the sky. Whatever you want to call it. It’s big circuitry and we are all attached to the same breaker box.

We are all attached

All

Attached

“We are all God’s children”

Correct. We are. Not sure why we all hate each other so much then.

God isn’t a big Gandalf looking robed guy in the sky. I know growing up as a kid that’s how I saw him. Golden throne, white hair and beard and well of course he’s fucking Caucasian.

God is inside you. And he’s not a wizard or bearded. Well not unless you are.

The Bible tells you this. All of this. Think of it as a decoder ring.

“For the Bible tells me so”

Stopping there. Some of you are getting uncomfortable. As I’ve said a dozen times before I will never insult anyone’s religion or beliefs. It’s all tied together we were taught about it with deceit in mind.

Control

Shame

Diversion

Ouch

It should make you wonder just a little why more and more people are just now waking up to this all over the world with the same thoughts. Thats universal programming and not the other way around.

That’s not woo.

Also just your daily reminder

Observe don’t absorb

Peace ☮️

I typed this out three times before it finally stopped autocorrecting to jumping. I guess humping isn’t in my preferred vocabulary and well that’s a little sad.

I just finished a quiet morning routine of nothingness. I make my coffee and do nothing for 30 minutes.

I do nothing.

I don’t listen to any music, I don’t look at my phone or watch tv I sit still for half an hour. Not completely still I can drink coffee and look around the room but I don’t engage in any distractions during that time. Obviously if I have to use the bathroom I will it’s not a staring at the wall contest.

I just sit still.

It’s a good prelude if you’re trying to get into meditation but can’t focus. Highly recommend this it’s good to unscramble your thoughts. It’s also much more difficult than you think. We are all programmed for stimulation and dopamine. This ain’t it. I’d recommend doing it before getting on the medias. Set your own tone and intentions before someone else does.

Anyone else try to find random people they used to know in their old lives on social media? Sometimes I’ll get in a mode and think “I wonder if I can find Travis who used to bag groceries with me at Bilo when I was 18” or your old boss that fired you that you always thought was an asshat? If I popped up in people you may know and we haven’t chatted in over 30 years that’s not some mystical fate I just got bored and found your ass after 20 minutes of focus and boredom. If you’re reading this then 👋🏼.

I’ve met all three of my new neighbors and they all seem relatively normal and easy going. Hopefully it will remain that way I have a little history of not getting along with my neighbors. Usually something like this points to a “it’s me and not them” issue but I must admit I’ve done nothing to cause these issues unless I’ve been provoked.

My last neighbor was a raging racist asshat who randomly started screaming at me one January afternoon

The one before that kept to themselves except for they built a 9 foot privacy fence all around their “compound”. I think dad was growing something he wasn’t supposed to. Dad went away after a while.

My neighbor before that at the lofts at Mills mill used to stomp on the floor (I lived below him) if the tv was too loud. I had to go upstairs and encourage him to keep his feet lighter on the floor.

My neighbor at my old house in Overbrook kept his dogs chained in the backyard and all they did was bark and shit in one giant pile of excrement. That went about as well as you could expect.

A neighbor at Huntington downs would purposely let his dog bark at our door to agitate us.

Work neighbors? Well my associate at the local Jamaican restaurant still won’t look at me.

Sakura and I fought over the dumpsters and I had to have a few convos with my taco neighbors too.

Hell I remember my parents and the neighbors across the street screaming at each other in Belle Meade. Belle was wild man.

All this does is certify the fact that I’m meant to live on a large island with no neighbors. I need my reality to catch up.

It’s fate.

I’m really not that hard of a person to get along with.

I didn’t watch the state of the union address. I’m watching birds eat seeds on YouTube. Movies and tv shows have lost their charm/effect on me.

In my mind I’m standing in a little bookstore in Crested Butte with my coffee. Grabbing a book to take up to the gulch to listen to frogs chirp and watch the elks snack. The off-road at the Gulch reminds me of old nc 105 except it’s in Colorado not North Carolina. Long gravel roads with remote camping areas. I wonder how charcuterie would do out there.. Leaving Butte to head out east is one of the best drives in Colorado.

If I were wearing my headphones Rocky Mountain High would be singing in my ears. I’m surprised there aren’t any John Denver conspiracies out there. If he’d died recently everyone would be saying he was working on a documentary about missing kids. Listen, I know there’s some crazy shit going on out there I’m knee deep in the deep state theories

But

Sometimes celebrities just die in shitty circumstances. Not all of them are knocked off. It’s not always that deep but then again maybe it is.

This is definitely one of those journal entries that was written for exercise. No creativity was involved in this one.

I get REI gift cards for holidays and birthdays. Probably around 6 a year. I’ll let them collect over time and use them to buy stuff that I wouldn’t normally buy for myself. For example I won’t use them to purchase socks, propane, hiking shoes or small practical things. If I get enough of them I’ll buy something a little over the top to try out for fun. I’ve got a big 4 ft Goal Zero outdoor light that will light up a hillside. Not practical at all. Big, somewhat heavy but fun as hell to have when you’re sitting on a pitch black mountain top. I had a somewhat expensive shower pump with hot water but hated it. A fire can to keep me warm in places where I can’t build a fire, a swing hitch for my bike rack, my bike rack. I won’t buy these things new unless I get gift cards. My camping gear is abundant but I still buy things frugally unless I know they hold their value. I’m terrible at keeping my gift cards in order and will occasionally misplace one or two. I’ve dropped two of them in the parking lot of REI I wear 5in inseam running shorts so my pockets are about as deep as some of my FB friends and things fall out of my pockets. I rarely carry anything with me that won’t fit in my phone wallet. Both cards I lost at rei were found and returned to me.

I get lucky sometimes.

Misplaced another one for the last two weeks. Spent a solid hour looking for it before saying “screw it” I’ll get over it.

But

I don’t get over things very easy.

While I meditating Sunday I decided to try some self hypnosis to retrace my steps with my gift card. I use self hypnosis at night to go back and make peace with old memories. It works.

Highly recommend

Put my headphones on yesterday late morning and closed my eyes. Tried to retrace my steps and did a little mental beacon like radar in my mind.

“Let’s find that card”

While we were unpacking I had set aside a box of clothes to go up in the attic. Winter clothes I had set aside to hibernate as we head towards spring.

“Your card is in the attic in a pair of joggers you wore three weeks ago”

*opens attic door, opens box

BAM there’s my joggers

BAM there’s my gift card

Meditation is magic for the soul.

Writing is meditation for me also. When I get into a mode I can pull up some old OLD memories once I focus on a specific topic.

That’s all I had to say about that.

My walking routes have changed. We live off of Anderson Street or road I don’t know but the walking routes are interesting. I can walk straight and end up to Main Street or I can take on turn and walk around dilapidated homes and trip over 40 oz bottles. I live across the street from a place that looks like Arkham Asylum. Rusted wrought iron fence, boarded windows and super villains awaiting release into the world.

I’m listening to Best of 3rd Bass. I love late 80s early 90s hip hop. Old school or skool hip hop is a solid beat to write to. Good cadence, keeps your mind balanced. Onyx? Not so much.

Where can I find cheap real estate where I can open up a small record store/deli/ coffee/ thrift store in a small Mayberry town with a loft apartment above? I can get down with that. Man I used to go thrifting every week back in the day. I may have to drive to Asheville today and enjoy some of that.

Who’s with me?

*crickets 🦗

Farmburger sounds good too

Think I just figured out my day for myself.

Cheers

Sometimes I’ll stare down at my phone for a few seconds when I open my WordPress app and try to conjure up some subject matter for me to write. I try to move around when I write and spark new ideas or thoughts. Half the time when I do this my post ends up in the draft department for eternity. I keep them around for that just in case moment. Sort of like the coffee spoon that sits on the corner of the kitchen sink for the sake of not getting your sugar measurements right the first cup.

*takes sip

“Perfect”

*still leaves spoon dangling

I think we are on week three of our move and this would be the first morning it’s felt like a home.

This is my first cup of I’m home coffee.

It’s my weekend. I’ve been working on losing the weekend mentality. In my work career I’ve never had a consistent work schedule. Not for the lack of trying as a restaurant owner and previously a restaurant GM days off were a crap shoot. Or one of your days off become a meeting day so instead of dissociating with work I’d spend 4 hours discussing P&Ls and staffing issues. Back in 2017 after a partnership shakeup I worked 200 plus days without a day off. I didn’t even realize it until after I spent half the day at home I started to get anxious.

I used to think being a workaholic was a flex. I watch some of my friends who still think this way and I hope you find your peace.

I’m in the halfway point of my work lease. My work week has been the most consistent at this point in my career. I close the deli Sunday and Monday unless I have a special order or a large catering. I have a numerical amount in my head that gets me to come into work. Christmas time it gets thrown out the window. Days off are spent planning for the week. It’s a given I don’t dwell on it.

Now I’m in that weekend mode. Thursday is my hump day, Friday is that “tomorrow is my weekend! and then Saturday I’m watching the clock for 5pm. In my head I’m making weekend plans, creating adventures and todo lists. Sunday morning I wake up with a smile and a “I ain’t got shit to do” vibe.

Monday all I think about is that I have to go back to work again tomorrow.

So this is the American dream I’ve been missing this whole time?

On full day of glee

I always get a kick out of the “no one wants to work anymore!” exclamations I see online.

Guess what George? I don’t either.

You just need better balance Chad. Sure thing. Find me a job where I can work 3.5 days a week. That’s balance.

I’m letting off steam folks. Take that chill pill. I enjoy creating. I enjoy making people smile with my work. Stop raising the prices on everything is all. Let people enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Let people live.

I play with numbers in my head.

“If I can sell my deli for this much, take our teeny tiny savings account and sell a lot of my hobby shit I could buy some acreage at “x” build a very small home and farm for three.”

I’m literally one more eye roll away from disconnecting from this, buying a flip phone and shrinking my world down like a shrinky dink. Drive to a cafe to link up to internet, post a blog and go back to my goats, chickens and alpacas.

Greenhouse attached to my little home. Morning coffee facing east, bare feet facing west at night.

Oh yeah

Maybe move out of the country. We no longer own this one anyway.

Peace of Mind by Tyler Childers is in my ears right now.

Music is always a great pairing with your thoughts. Your soul creates a playlist for you when you’re tuned in. That’s all I’m trying to do these days.

Tune in while tuning out.

“Days are dark down in the holler

Waiting for the sun to shine

On the back you have been breaking

Tryin to earn peace of mind”

Tyler throwing it in my face.

My weekend itinerary? I’ve made no plans. I may read I’m about 20 books behind this year. My reading has slipped lately but my writing has increased so my mental seesaw is level. I may reread Lonesome Dove again to bring Augustus back to life for a bit.

I’m taking a day off from current times today. No Internet, no scrolling. It’s also why I’m not talking about anything relevant today. My brain is also on its weekend.

I may take a jaunt up to Asheville. Smell some patchouli and eat a grass fed burger.

Chloe Dancer/ Crown of Thorns by Mother Love Bone is playing. No life reference here I just love this song.

“You ever heard the story of Mr. Faded Glory?
Say he who rides a pony must someday fall
Talkin’ to my altar, say, “Life is what you make it
And if you make it death, well, rest your soul away”

Peace ☮️

Don’t worry I don’t throw these words around at 5:25am to pump my own vocabulary and to be honest I rolled over this term yesterday afternoon while reading. I would consider my stepping into this term, that would shatter my chance of winning a spelling bee, a trail marker of sorts.

Off and on I’ll read a little Carl Jung and some of his writings and or theories ping. I don’t sit at home and read Jung for hours my mind can focus on this type of thing for about 20 minutes at a time before I’m staring off at my toenails.

But it pinged

I’ll use a slingshot here to illustrate although I may change or add another illustration. I use illustrations in my mind to help understand somethings that may fly over my head. It’s also why I probably write in metaphors a lot. I think in metaphors.

Think of a slingshot, an unbreakable one.

Stop.

Rewind.

I need a different approach. Not for you but for me personally. I need to describe it in a way for me to understand it or it’s going to get paraphrased to the point of fucking it up. I do that a lot too.

I’m a cool weather person. Summer is fine but I live in the south and the humidity can kiss my ass once it’s late June to August. I don’t like sweating profusely while standing still in the shade. I enjoy winter more. I can wear soft warm loose clothing, hoodies, hats, warm socks. I enjoy camping in cool weather, fire pits and cozy blankets at night.

Coffee tastes better too. I’m in my element.

Now if I were to encounter a ridiculously cold winter or relocate somewhere that it snows weekly and the average temperature is below zero it may change my whole outlook on winter. It may cause my mood to swing to a summer lifestyle. I may go from high altitude mountain life (which I prefer) to low country beach life. My pendulum for winter has swung completely to summer. The winter experience was such a crisis that I sold all of my parkas and skis for a thong and beach towel.

That’s Enantiodromia

When something becomes too extreme it flips to the opposite out of necessity.

A personal example. If anyone read my blog a while back about my school bus days where I was a subject of bullying that I received for a few years. I was a quiet and shy kid growing up. Violence wasn’t in my wheelhouse. I took some beatings until I flipped into a violent person. I became a violent person to protect myself out of necessity. That wasn’t a pendulum more of a slingshot.

Same meaning if you get my message.

Enantiodromia – running towards the opposite.

Day >night

Life >death

I believe Jung was taking some pointers from Heraclitus who believed reality was structured opposite tensions

Order >brunch service (sorry had to throw that in there) also known as chaos. Something I’m well aware of. That would be another example. I used to embrace chaos for years in the service industry. It was my badge of honor. It became so extreme that my body and mind flipped to order and stillness.

I think that’s enough for now.

Enantiodromia

Do you feel something shifting? I don’t mean tectonic plates, political views or weather.

Something is shifting.

Globally

And

We need to embrace this shift.

Collectively

We’ve all been pulled.

Pulled

Pulled

Pulled

Pulled

The system wants balance. The system being us collectively.

Collectively is where momentum builds.

Tides go in, tides go out. It’s the balance of nature. What happens when the tide goes waaaaaaaaaaay out?

Tidal wave

We live in a system of balance. Not our own government or world system that’s broken. Laws of nature type. Push an inflatable ball underwater eventually it’s going to pop back up. If you’re looking down at it chances are you’re going to get knock in the teeth with it.

The more we are pulled around the more energy is building up on the pushing side of the spectrum. The push back side.

Energy is building up.

For the push.

Collective push.

Not a push from the left, right, middle or apolitical.

This isn’t politics this is spiritual. Natural law.

That’s the shift you’re feeling. Or at least I’m hoping it is.

Listen I’m not a psychic, tarot reader, shaman or any hippie shit that you’re probably calling me right now.

I’m just becoming more aware. Not by choice. I’m following my instincts and trail markers. I’ve been shifting for a while.

Collectively we can accomplish things much greater than individuals.

That’s why they divide. They pull us into micro groups while we pull each other into even smaller ones. Micro groups, when they push back don’t make a dent.

A bee sting only stings.

A swarm can clear out a football field.

Collectively

That’s the shift.

That’s the shift I’ve been talking about for a while. My one employee thinks I’m crazy.

“Next year Barry there will be a shot heard around the world that will cause a collective consciousness shift.” – Chad Gangwer February 2025. Hell I even reposted it the other day.

Enantiodromia

The collective consciousness calls for balance.

We are the collective consciousness. We’ve always been but we are farmed to be divided and pulled away.

The push is coming. If you open your eyes

And your mind

Just don’t push the balance too far the other way. You can be outraged without burning the entire house down. We are better than that.

We can flip over tables though.

Collectively.

Life moves at a faster pace the longer you’re around.

I think that’s why the older we get the slower we move. When you’re younger you’ve got too much time on your hands. Or it seems feels that way. I know the phrase “I’m bored” was on autopilot when I was in my teens and early 20s.

At my time in life you literally do stop and smell the flowers. You walk instead of run. You read instead of glance. Even my music tastes have slowed down. I need to stop tailgating the elderly when I’m shopping. Let them enjoy their level of life.

I lied in bed last night for a bit. Answered a lot of questions dancing around in my head. Sometimes I can get a good view of life when I’m still and focused. I had a lot of noise in my head the past few days.

I needed to retain my sovereignty.

The holiday season still sits in my bones and joints a little longer this year. I’ve got a different horizon of life in my heart right now. Food industry is slowly sliding away.

I can’t quit you baby – Led Zeppelin is in my headphones. Man it’s surreal when the music matches your voice. My mood. Usually by this time I back to boxes with same body motion as normal but not this time. My mind is in another world.

A much better world.

My eyes opened over a year ago and now all I do is observe. That’s what my intuition and instincts tell me to do.

Be still. Don’t engage. I get it but I kinda want to burn things down. I’ve always been the igniter not the watcher.

My patriotism has expired by no fault of mine. Man I was the guy that stood up the straightest when the pledge of allegiance was presented.

Allegiance? To what exactly? Allegiance is a collaboration. Hand in hand. Teamwork makes the dream work? It’s a two way street and it’s been rerouted.

This isn’t about “not my president” it’s about not the country I thought it was at one time. This isn’t an overnight sensation by golly the government has been chipping away for some time.

“I pledge the allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under god, with liberty and justice for all.”

Gtfo with that

Chad does that mean you won’t stand at the pledge? Are you going to kneel?

I’m not even going to show up to the event. You no longer get anything from me.

Patriotism is a stale piece of bread and fiction

Break that down any way you like.

News barely covers the news anymore. If it does I automatically assume it’s propaganda or lying. That’s a trap they set for us years ago.

One nation under god? Which god are we referring to?

Ever been to the Hoover Dam? Just a big ass dam holding a powerful water source. It also has winged statues flanking a star map. Zodiac wheel embedded on the floor.

Denver airport? Just a big glowing pale horse with blazing eyes sticking out for no good reason. Mural showing war, masks and children. Masonic capstone and gargoyles. Pretty wild for a midwestern airport.

Washington monument just a big fat obelisk sticking out of the ground in our nations capital. Speaking of the capital the streets of DC are made into a pentagram and points right to the capital. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

*yawns

Oh yeah Mt Rushmore. I went there a few years ago. Sealed Hidden hall of records is a bit weird behind Abe’s head.

We could go off track and chat about the Statue of Liberty and its comparison to Lucifer. That’s too far for a lot of you. Even me sometimes.

200 pyramids in the US alone. Don’t remember studying that in history class. “It’s just big pointy rocks folks”

School? Remember all your textbooks? Macmillan/ McGraw Hill School publishing? That’s Robert Maxwell. Quite the media proprietary giant. Maybe you know his daughter’s name Ghislaine.

These aren’t conspiracies guys. You can google this.

We’ve had propaganda inserted at birth. Catch up folks I’ve been here awhile. Now that you’ve seen or read with your own eyes what the elites are doing with children this shit isn’t so off base now is it? Alex Jones is a fucking nut job but he’s not that far off..

Want to go deeper? Adrenochrome is just a conspiracy theory right? Remember Monsters Inc? Cute movie. Goes over the topic of scaring the shit out of kids to get their adrenaline. What a cool and fun movie. It’s referencing adrenochrome. Hollywood is amazing at showing you what’s really going on without admitting it. Sounds crazy right?

Right?

Why is it always schools that get shot up? It’s always schools. Always the kids.

Remember when someone tried to light a fuse in their shoe to blow up a plane years ago? After that we had to disrobe and walk barefoot through the airport. Because one guy tried to light a fuse in his shoe. They fixed that real quick.

School shootings? Let’s teach kids how to hide under their desks. Let’s do random scenarios to keep them on their toes.

“Ok kids that’s what we do if someone walks into our school at any given moment and starts killing your friends. Now let’s open up our textbooks published by the father whose daughter is the queen of a global sex trafficking organization to chapter 6 about our Freemason founding fathers.

Random wild thought. Isn’t crazy the one Space Shuttle that blew up to shit was the one that was televised in our schools to watch? Also let’s put a teacher on there to really make it hit home at school.

It’s

Always

The

Kids

Am I crazy? Yeah I’ve been for a while but this, THIS shit is too much to be a coincidence.

I watch some of you and you’re slowly waking up. The veil is fading. You’re fortunate because for me it was ripped off my face like duct tape. For some random crazy reason this was “downloaded” into my head in about a week. Try shuffling this shit around in your mind while trying to make charcuterie boxes.

The Bible? Oh the Bible is amazing. It’s not a comic book by any means.

But

It’s coded. Heavily coded and manipulated over time. Jesus is 💯 real but he’s not that turn the other cheek guy and he’d be disappointed to see the thousands of churches created around his “likeness”. I’m done on that subject some of you unfortunately will think I’m being disrespectful when I’m being the opposite. We all need Jesus. Just not the way you think.

Man my intuition fucking nailed 2026 so far. Y’all really need to engage in some psilocybin.

Life’s short.

This will ruffle some feathers but to be honest I don’t care anymore. Information needs to be seen. Shared.

My daughter is sitting across the room from me eating her breakfast. I want to grab a spaceship and take her far away from here right now.

Wake up folks. It’s just beginning.

Peace.. ☮️

I don’t title a lot of these until I’m done for the morning. Started a long blog yesterday and pushed it aside. It felt like a rant towards mass public behavior and man I don’t want to be that guy again.

Observe don’t absorb

I want to shake about 200,000,000 of you by your shoulders and point at one specific subject.

I’m a father of a 16 year old daughter. The minute she was an ultrasound picture my life became wrapped around her being. When she was just a bump I’d kiss my wife’s (fiancée at the time) belly and tell her I loved her. After her birth I cradled her and have yet to put her down.

My instincts were if it’s a boy I’ll raise him to be a shield for women if it’s a girl I’ll dedicate my life to being hers. I have 5 sisters also that I love with all my heart.

The second she was born the thought of burning the whole world down if someone harmed her burned in my head.

It’s instinct. It has never left me. Even when I pass away you can be assured I will still be there watching over her.

The things I would do to a person/people that ever tried to hurt my daughter..

This isn’t broadcasting. I fully aware of what I’m capable of doing.

After my daughter’s arrival I’ve become attached to the better being of all children. My fatherhood fully absorbed the innocence of children.

Fragility

Carefree

Loving

I witnessed first hand with my daughter. When I see other kids especially daughters, I smile at their innocence. I don’t even know them and I’m their protector. I would kill for your kids.

Without hesitation.

Who hurts a child? Who tortures a child for fun? Doesn’t even refer to them as children.

2300 children a day go missing in this country. 460,000 a year.

I had a shady looking man walk up behind me while I was putting my daughter into her car seat downtown about 15 years ago. I saw him well before he thought I did. I had a knife six inches from his throat before he got to my truck.

He left quickly.

Another sexual predator followed my wife and child around Publix. It was obvious enough that my wife had to find a male manager. We found him online. He was registered. I found him pumping gas solo at a gas station across the street from my home and we had a conversation.

Those are the only two people whose life I have physically threatened. Both have the same connection. I thought my daughter’s (and wife) safety was in jeopardy.

I’m in better control of my emotions now. Don’t mistake that as a weakness.

I’ve read often that you inherit trauma from your parents. Three generations of fathers in two world wars in my blood. I’m a very high strung individual. Even sober. Drinking I was a fucking maniac.

I haven’t read one excerpt from the “files”. I’m not sure I will. The amount of hellish debauchery and torture I’ve heard isn’t good for my mental health. I used to watch Faces of Death while eating popcorn. It wouldn’t phase me.

I see everyone saying “they’ll all get away with it”

“They’re untouchable”

“They control everything”

All I can think about when I hear about it is “what if it was your child?”

A young girl prayed to Jesus while she was raped and tortured. They used that as fodder.

Once I read about that I had to put my phone down for the day.

Observe don’t absorb was thrown out of the window.

All I see is my daughter’s face when I hear these.

I can feel my teeth grinding.

Peter Frampton “Do You Feel Like I do” is playing in my ears right now.

Good capture

Pause

There should only be one subject matter in our lives right now. It blows my mind how many of you will still jump on Facebook and bitch about the division tactics thrown at you.

You’re ignorant. If this hurts your feelings I’ve got two more words for you.

Your punching two separate balls in the sack attached to the same dick

You call out people for being sheep? You’re on the same farm guys and gals.

There’s no jail good enough for this folks.

And guess what “patriots”? I use that term loosely.

It’s all coming from our own country.

I’m not a Trump lover and I was raised a conservative. I don’t go online bitching about him either I don’t like to partake in the online noise. I don’t post politics.

This isn’t political.

This is global responsibility of wiping the earth clean of this evil.

Because that is exactly what it is.

You were told “we are going to release the files”

Then you were told “there are no files”

Then the no files get released and you’re told “ok now it’s time to move on”

All

By

The

Same

Person

And you still wave his fucking flag from your house.

Fucking hypocrites.

And I’m a conservative. Hell no I’m not. Scratch that. I’m a father, a husband and a human with a conscience.

Don’t ever put me in a political category again. I don’t want to be either one of you. Cut the puppet strings.

You line the streets for political reasons.

Homes aren’t hard to find. Eventually the police who also have children of their own will lose interest in protecting shit bags.

Man I’m not observing very well right now.

All you gravy rangers? Now’s your time to shine I suppose if you can get over the brown people taking all your jobs. If you’re still talking about colors just stay away from me. My respect doesn’t have the slightest care for you right now.

I may not post this one. I ranted against my good faith. I needed to

Meh fuck it. I’m letting it out.

“Do you feel like I do?”

6:39am

I move slow on Mondays. It’s my last day off before resuming deli work for the week. I deliberately slow things down a few notches. It’s my day of stillness and rest. I’m shaking it up a bit to go hiking. I haven’t been outdoors in a while and it’s starting to get to me. I don’t mean going for a walk or run, or sitting under a tree although those are some solid options.

I need sweat, uphill cadence, sun on my face and a fat hilltop to gaze over the landscape.

I gotta free range for a few hours. That’s my intention. Table Rock has a new trail for me to hike. November was the last time I laced my shoes to walk up a mountain. Every weekend for the past three months I’ve either had a big order on my day off, snow, sleet, rain or I was moving and packing. My mental health is fine and that’s quite the accomplishment because it wasn’t so long ago I’d be climbing the walls to get outside.

I’m good y’all. Just trying to get some sun on my face and mud on my shoes.

I gave myself 30 minutes to write this morning. Soon it’ll be the gym, yoga and straight to the mountains. I am beside myself with folly. I write with my phone. Some days my fingers can dance all over this keyboard and I can type like a madman. Other days my thumbs go dumb and I’m backspacing like drunk Chad trying to express himself on a Facebook post. This is one of those days.

My thumbs are off by a millimeter. Or if you go by the standard American measurement, they’re off by a mule hair.

In another two weeks or so I can resume my outdoor activities with my camper. Hopefully, maybe three.

Spent my Sunday hanging some art and frames all over our new home with one of my favorite people. The walls are finally coming alive and the home is settling. My feathers stayed slightly ruffled for the first two weeks as we acclimated into our nesting phase. If there is one box sitting out that doesn’t belong I stare at it until I make it go away. Moving it out of my site does absolutely nothing because I will get up and stare at it. If I put it in a closet it will speak like a Shakespearean raven into my head until I reckon with it.

Nevermore

Nevermore

Nevermore

Just unpack the box Chad and go about your day. Well I finally did yesterday. Well except for one. I still have a 100 lb dresser that has to climb some stairs.

The plus side are my walls are 3D now with still life.

8 more minutes

Bought a new stand for my tv to stand on. I’m curious if tv legs could bend would we have the options for TV sits? It was a Costco buy I’ve been sitting on my annual Costco check for about 10 months now. Used it to purchase a 75 inch stand and rolled it out. I’m mentioning the length of the box because it’s relevant to my next side story.

My truck bed is 73.7 inches long. Box was just a tad too long. No problem Chad you can just leave the tailgate down. Yeah I could’ve before last week before I purchased a ridiculously big and heavy tire hitch swing for my spare tire. It’s a Rig’d hitch swing. Big and fancy. I bought it used as I do most things that I consider way overpriced. I love it. Carries my 5th 33in Yokohama billabong bouncer all radial reed monster truck national champion off-roaders.

I don’t know shit about tires yall. All I know is they handle well in the mud and they destroyed my mpgs.

Comes with a fancy fold down table and a cutting board.

And a gas can.

Probably around 80lbs dry. and it’s bolted tight.

Can’t drive with my tailgate down. Tried to force it you know cardboard is can bend and shit. Closed my tailgate and it goes “nope” and pops off my truck. Right in front of a dozen Costco people that I most likely bumped with my cart for being slow.

Didn’t know tailgates could do that. Yeah I did but wasn’t expecting it to happen at Costco in the pouring rain. A Good Samaritan helped me shove a 90 pack of paper towels under the box so I could hover it over my disheveled tailgate that held on like a loose tooth until we got home. I enjoyed a nice 55° shower as I finagled my tailgate back into submission. All of this for a rectangular box for my tv to sit on top of.

Welp I went 3 minutes over. Time to climb a mountain.

Peace.