Bearded Gang

I moved my morning journaling outside to the front porch. It’s 66° and I can almost smell the rain but not quite. I have a slight breeze hitting my left cheek. I’ve got my Peanuts coffee cup in hand Charlie Brown was my go to comic growing up I’m surprised the big haired Christian ladies in Texas haven’t tried to ban it because of Peppermint Patty’s possible prepubescent lesbian representation.

Unintended alliteration.

It feels really good out here I feel like I haven’t sat still outdoors in months. Wife and I spent the evening soaking up the spring air out here last night. Porch is cozy. A little too close to the road but life could be worse I could be staring directly at some faded confederate flags.

We bought our daughter tickets to see Alabama this Friday at the big local venue I can’t recall its name it always seems to have another sponsor attached but that may just be me. Daughter has a little bit of old soul in her when it comes to music I’m sure her father being old as shit and a lover of music and mother being an Alabama redneck makes for quite the combo. I bought her an Alabama greatest hits vinyl to get her revved up. She played it most of the morning last week.

She surprised me yesterday with a quick visit to the deli on the way to get her hair done for the concert tomorrow. I made sure to tell her how beautiful she looked after her hair appointment

Parenthood is the best blessing in the world. I told my associate at work how indescribable it is to watch something you helped make grow into a flower of a woman.

*wipes tear

Heading to the coast for a couple of days after work Saturday. Beach always brings my family together and man I’m just coasting until Saturday. I’ve been quite the hermit the last 4 months and I can feel my cocoon splitting open. Hence why I’m outside right now.

I’ve got 432 hertz roaming in my ears. My minute heart rate is probably 50 beats max. I’m on easy peezy street. Simplicity. This is what life is for.

Man that breeze feels amazing.

My hood walks their dogs around 8pm so I got to meet a small handful of folk last night. Talked to Jess about having a little gathering at our home for a meet and greet. Yeah I actually said that.

I shook off my hertz for some ELO. I’ve been on an ELO kick lately. I put some essentials on while I walk to downtown on Sundays. Music is like memory tape. Even though ELO has been in my life since I was a nose picking 6 year old it didn’t really click until recently and now when I listen to them it takes me on my recent walks downtown instead of Belle Meade in the 70s. I keep telling myself to write more about that era. I’ve been on a long piece about my parent’s apartment post Belle Meade.

Mr. Blue Sky is amazing

I reckon my coffee gets a tad chilly out here.

Front porch yelp-

Cozy atmosphere ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Music ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Seating ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (this wicker chair is odd)

Coffee ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (doesn’t stay hot)

Management ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (dumpy appearance)

I had someone leave a great review with only 4 stars instead of 5 and I immediately thought she probably hasn’t had an orgasm in 6 years.

Sorry old Chad popped his head out to say hi.

Speaking of old Chad I ramped up my workout routine I sort of miss the savage part of me that started to slip away like a leaky testosterone faucet.

Bottom line – With my mouth I need bigger muscles. Also my daughter is at the dating age 🔪

Took my ass to the gym yesterday and did some Belgian waffle squats (I know what they’re really called sit down) lunges, TRX rope jumps and then some 60 yard sprints. I might’ve pushed a sled I can’t recall. After work I took my mountain bike out for a spin first time this year.

Am I authoring my amazing workout routine?

No

My legs feel like a bag of smashed assholes.

I gave myself three weeks to acclimate back to the gym life. Should’ve stretched it out one more week.

My neighbor just pulled in. Looks like he’s already done the gym thing this morning. Rock on brother I can’t get out of this low profile wicker chair. I may plead for help.

“It’s a livin thing. What a terrible thing to lose” 🎶 (mobility reference)

I don’t think I have any boxes scheduled today and I’m unbothered. Honestly I could walk up to a burning brick and mortar at 219 w Antrim Drive suite A and I’d just drive back home. I’m slowly evolving into the Big Lebowski sans White Russians. I also don’t drive around smoking jays but sounds amazing. I haven’t held a cocktail glass in 1166 days.

*healthy sigh

Man my legs hurt but I feel good today.

“Hello how are you? Have you been alright through those lonely, lonely, lonely nights?” 🎶

I fucking love this band.

Peace. ☮️

I get a lot of messages about mushrooms on here (Facebook) I suppose it’s because I openly talk about them and their benefits. This does not in any way make me a consultant on mushrooms. Not even close. Don’t ask me about mushroom variants or how they affect your mind, how much you should take etc. I can’t even recommend a specialist. Not a real one that is. I do psilocybin around three times a year. I consume when my intuition says “go for it”

There’s no oversoul messenger or any shaman like message it’s more of a “this feels like a good time to submerge” and I’ll make my way into the evening. I prefer to be alone and away from everyone so I’m not distracted although I’ve had some good times with an observer hanging around to listen to me ramble about what I see.

“Hey I see honeycombs on the floor”

“Why does it look like there’s red glowing razor wire just out of reach?”

Grateful Dead art really begins to make sense.

I did mushrooms sober for the first time in 2022. Psilocybin had always been a condiment drug for me I always had some other variant in my system so I never got to fully embody the experience of mushrooms until 2022.

I can’t tell you how much I consumed that night it was a light batch probably 2g. We were hanging close to the foothills trail camping by the lake. It was late fall so it got dark before 6pm. I raw dogged the mushrooms chewed them up dry and chased it with my water bottle. I had just finished dinner I don’t recommend mushrooms on an empty stomach you will most likely experience nausea.

I saw the fun little yellow and red wires most see, trees seem to interconnect like hexagon chain link fences and the forest sort of breaths in and out with odd shapes. Think of a giant horizon of a magic eye picture. When you focus you’ll see other things that weren’t there before. It’s not overwhelming you’ve got seratonin going all through your mind from your stomach to your brain. A healthy dose of it. People always say they’d freak out if they took mushrooms and here’s the thing, the shrooms provide your brain with some cool vibes (chemicals) so if and when you see things your mind isn’t telling you

“OMG WTF is that??”

It’s

“Oh hell yeah that’s cool”

Sorta

Your instincts and intuition is unblocked. A door opens in your mind. Your life long experiences shape how you think and see things. Mushrooms will erase that in about 45 minutes. You’ll go on a cool ride for about two hours of techno colors and slowly come down.

Usually

Type of mushroom and dosage will vary that part. I find these out the easy way and hard way.

When I was on the foothills trail I began to see some fun beings hanging out.

Jellyfish type heads floating behind the trees observing almost like they think I couldn’t see them hiding behind the trunks.

The trees above my head pointing into a fisheye lens curve so it looked like I was in some sort of aviary or bird cage. Above the tree line I could see giant beings standing over me observing. Three of them. One with a face of a bird, one with a reptile ish face and maybe a feline? I’m going to have to come back to that other face I can’t remember. It may have been a random face they all resembled ancient Egyptian statues but with facial expressions. All looking down at me, calm and studying. That’s why I say psilocybin helps you accept what you see. If I were to go outside and start my truck up and see these three giant beings standing over me right now I’d probably shit myself and scream.

On mushrooms? Brain -“hey that’s cool”

Claircognizance – clear knowing

An easy way to put this is the fact check part of the brain takes a break. No not the same type some of you experience when you share something on Facebook. This is more organic.

The part of your brain that reality and experience has molded over time takes a break.

You get a sense of big brother isn’t watching you right now. You’re free.

Claircozignance – when you look up and see three giant animal heads staring down at you and think “hey cool”

All we ever knew – Head and the Heart is in my ears right now.

Clairsentience – intuitive emotional sensing. “I got peaceful easy feeling” 🎶

So no you won’t freak out. Or you shouldn’t as I’ve said before I’m not a mushroom consultant.

When I did 5g on an empty stomach (yeah I know what I said earlier) it was a full moon in the Utah desert. It took about 40 minutes from my consumption time to look up and say

“the moon is fake”

“Looks like someone cut a hole out of a black sheet and shoved a flashlight through it”

“This ground is fake”

*looks up in the sky “yep i can see the ceiling”

The ground was filled with yellow fluorescent dream catchers stretched out all along the horizon.

I could see inflammation glowing in my buddy’s knees.

The landscape was lake Powell in Utah. I could see Navajo Indian headdresses out of the corner of my eye. My mind kept telling me this was all fake and I didn’t belong here. I was on someone else’s property.

Sometimes my buddy would be beside me and other times he’d turn gray and become still, like he was on display somewhere else. We had music playing from my Bluetooth speaker and each time he’d turn gray the music would sound muffled like it was coming from behind a wall. I thought this was normal at that moment.

I made friends with two ravens

I stared into the sky and found a rip in the fabric where the stars began to dance. As I watched it my brain said “don’t stare too long or there’s no coming back”

So I stopped. No questions I just stopped.

When I went to bed that night I had a convo with a jumble of red and yellow gyrating mechanical cogs. It asked me what the secret to the universe was and I immediately responded with

“Love”

The cogs stopped moving and shifted into one solid red and yellow shield. It was like I unlocked a puzzle. I think about this meeting quite a bit. Probably one of the most profound moments on mushrooms for me.

I went to bed as an imp limped around my tent moving props around for my morning reality background.

One night in Linville I did about three grams. Spent the evening watching a cloud above my tent dancing to a Puscifer song – Grand Canyon as it played in my earphones. Cloud had dozens of eyes that would blink in unison and move around in circles above my tent. I have absolutely no clue as to how that song came to being on my phone.

Another night in Linville I had come to terms that I was sleeping on top of a dragon. A blue one. I could sense its breathing under me. It knew I was there but didn’t seem to care. I also saw posters of bloody clowns. Twice I’ve experienced that vision.

My 5g on Hunting Island broke my mind free from the noise. If I were to point at a timeline in my life I would poke my finger right here and say “my life completely changed forever right here. February 3rd, 2025.

My last trip I did was in a campground in Glenville by the lake. I took a healthy dosage with some lemon juice. I wanted to recreate my experience in hunting island and well mushrooms do what they want and not the other way around.

It was on a full blood moon. Not sure if that had any bearing on my experience but it will be the last time I pair psilocybin with blood moon.

Spent the evening talking to a red dragon in my fire pit. Very lethargic being, calm, indifferent. Told me dragons were ethereal and could be controlled by magic.

I was like cool story bro. Like we talked all the time. Do I believe in dragons? I’m leaning towards the yes on that one.

Later that evening I went to lie down in my tent to let the mushrooms fade out. If there’s a downside to psilocybin it’s your mind won’t rest. A gate is open in your head and it’s not closing until it’s ready to. It’s like drinking coffee at bedtime. You aren’t jittery but your mind is still exploring the cosmos.

Don’t fight it. You can’t.

My evening was spent yawning (seratonin problems) and overly analyzing my looping behaviors. Time does its own thing when you’re in that zone. You may find out that time doesn’t really exist. It moves at your own perception but when that perception collapses well it gets a little scary. To me purgatory seems scarier than hell. Hell has a purpose. Purgatory doesn’t. I sat in my tent trying to find my way back into normalcy for about two hours. It might as well been 2 days. I would create patterns to feed my ego. Sitting up to drink water, zipping and unzipping my tent window. I didn’t want to see the moon anymore but it wouldn’t allow me. My tent would get hot and I’d have to unzip it again. It was 55° that night. I got up to throw up three times. I just thought it would speed things up. I’d toggle through my phone pics to keep me grounded. Had I someone with me I think I would’ve been fine. I was alone with my psilocybin thoughts. I was on my own little ledge of the universe.

Looping

At one point my mind opened up and I’d drift to some random being in my mind. We’d have a chat and for a millisecond I’d have all the knowledge of its existence and its entire world. I did this with about a dozen different entities. I’d just bounce all over a dark cosmos going being to being.

Wild

Too wild

I’m not sure what I would feel like to be a god but by golly gee I’m not ready for it.

I saw the bloody clown posters again and I saw Donald Trump our fearless leader with fire coming out of his eyes. Twice I’ve seen this actually. Almost like a psyop.

That night wasn’t the best. I felt like I was in my tent for a few days. I messaged some friends at around midnight to make sure I was still here. I made it. Nothing was hurt except for the wilting of my ego.

I plan to give it another try in Utah next month. There will be no full moon involved. For some reason I no longer like the moon.

Still recommend it. I recommend it to everyone in a controlled environment.

I’m thinking the canyonlands for my next one. Should be a dandy of an adventure.

Ok gotta go make some boxes and money. Peace ☮️

I don’t miss my old employees. I miss my friends I made from work over the years but not the employees. I still talk to most of the people I made friends with through the service industry or at least engage with them on here but the others not so much. Not sure what prompted this proclamation it might’ve been while I was scrolling through my memories. I go back about as far as 2012 before I start reading the perspective of a completely different human being.

I was quite the NPC in my steakhouse days. I looped da loop for years doing my thing. I was a brainwashed corporate manager for years. I was structured for the system. A robot of handbooks and lineups. The steakhouse was my military training sans guns. I squished most of the era into a small file in my pocket and stored it away forever. I made a small handful of forever friends but we are all slowly fading away in memory. Not a stab at any of them at all life goes on is all. Activities and prerogatives change over time.

We are still only a phone call away.

Southern friends are the same. We don’t chat much anymore but I’ll see one or two faces who will come by to say hi and I’m appreciative of it.

I used to think I was a good boss but I look back on my career and cringe at a few behavioral issues I had. I’m not harping on it anymore we all fuck around with bad decisions in our lives. Observing is learning. I’m not reliving the past I’m adjusting from my past experiences.

My brief mentioning of not missing my employees came from reading my old posts. It’s a progression of what started out as frustration to a daily basis of dealing with staffing shortages. I read them and my memory clicks with it like a Lego.

I can read a status update and feel what I felt 10 years ago. It’s surreal. I wouldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t go back to the steakhouse, I wouldn’t leave to open my own spot.

I just wouldn’t.

There no perfect insight as to why. I don’t look back fondly of the work I’ve done. The people I’ve made friends with? Yes. Not the jobs.

I’m good in this field. Better than average. Doesn’t mean I chose to do it.

I’ve always been curious about the perspective of someone who has worked the same job/position their entire life. The teacher who starts teaching right out of college and then 40 years later they get their cupcake party and go home to retire. Not knocking this at all it seems rather peaceful in comparison to mine.

Work has been my life

Work had been the bane of my stress

It’s taken valuable time from my life

I went when I didn’t want to

I worked when I probably shouldn’t have

It’s broken my body and mind over the years. I’ve never worked a job that had a healthy cadence. The speed goes from first gear to fifth in seconds. The only desk job I ever had my mind screamed “this ain’t it boss” and I left after 3 months. People are always “I wouldn’t know what to do with my free time if I was retired” and I’m like let me have it then. I’ll figure it out.

No one is to Blame by Howard Jones is in my ears.

Well played

I’m pushing a button of steam here y’all. I’m not venting I’m releasing. I have to make myself say these things out-loud to put it away. I don’t fixate on my old self like I used to. It’s a different approach for me now.

I’m witnessing and regarding

Shedding

Hopefully evolving.

Evolving is perpetual if you allow it. And you should we are made of clay not stone

My memories reflect that. That’s the only reason why I go back to read them. Absorb them like a bounty towel.

My wife and I were having a discussion about my early life and childhood. I was referencing about how my life would’ve changed had I not moved to Piedmont. It’s always felt like an obligatory side quest during those years.

“Do you think your life would’ve completely changed had your parents stayed together?”

I responded with “I’d probably still be sitting here with you on the sofa.” I think part of our lives are scripted. Like we read the script and thought “yeah I choose this series for my life”

I look back at all the clogs and setbacks I’ve experienced and see them as paths with pauses.

As I look back on some memories I can always recall some sort of fateful hand pushing me from certain decisions that would’ve completely changed the trajectory of my life. A shield or protector of sorts sometimes and others it was the bully pushing me into the deep end of the pool.

No matter how hard I tried to screw some things up, no matter how bad I imagined it to be, there has always been some cosmic deflector to keep my path in the direction it was meant to go.

Sometimes I was shielded from it, sometimes I had to paddle my legs to stay afloat.

If I gained another affliction instead of alcohol I think I would’ve bested it in the appropriate time.

I would’ve made a goal in my head to attain. It would’ve been a different mountain to climb but I would have done it.

Brevity insert – no matter the cycles I’d have endured I feel like it would all would arrive right here. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I didn’t end up here I played a 54 year game of chess against myself to get here.

The more I recognize this game the more it makes sense.

I look back on these memories like chess moves. I’m reading the words of a completely different person. A new pawn each year. Man it took a long time to achieve this perspective. You don’t have to wait for death to rise over your body and look down at yourself. I’m doing it right now.

Another quick download has been achieved. Or maybe it was a deletion of sorts..

Is today Friday? Time is moving fast right now. Anyone else notice?

Boxes are calling. Gotta go

Peace ☮️

I try new things all the time. I’m trying to shake up my body and mind.

New work outs

Eating

Routines

Reading

Running or walking routes

Body and mind practices

Right now I’m shuffling between anti parasitic health and reverse osmosis water. I’m testing the inflammation in my body with foods and ridding it of any little creepy crawlies.

We all have parasites in our bodies. Whether you want to think about it or not.

I listen to Solfeggio frequencies frequently.

I do a little tai chi with my hot tea

First thing in the morning I do a few minutes worth of shaking my body. Loosening my joints, moving by blood around. Then I’ll drink some warm lemon water and give my gratitude with my feet in the grass unless it’s white on the ground my hippie ass isn’t that hardcore yet.

All of these little procedures I’ve picked up over the last year. I let my instincts tell me if they align with me or not. I’ve tried a few woo woo things and they just feel silly. At the beginning of my little awakening I was all over the place. I went up in the air with no landing gear. My mind was trying to attach to any and every random focus of awakening material it could get its hands on. I’d say from last February to November I was still trying to smooth out. I’m sure the holiday work allowed me to set it aside for a bit.

I’m not trying to bend spoons or manifest a lotto ticket. I’m not physically trying to astral project although I strongly believe in it and fairly confident that I have. I’m not trying to signal aliens. I’m not trying to do anything profound actually I’m only looking to learn more about this topic. It pulls at me every single waking second.

The awareness is always there. I’ll be slicing open an orange and look down “look at that fucking geometry”

Some days it’s literally the Truman Show for me. The other day as I walked up to the register at Restaurant Depot I was amazed that two lines were empty. As I trotted towards the register 6 full carts pulled in front of me. No exaggeration.

Deadass you kids say.

Certain routes I drive I’ll observe no cars until I approach the stop sign and here they all come.

2 or 3 times a week two ladies will come in and sit at the same exact booth. They’ll order separately and sit at the one table for at least two hours.

Different ladies each time

I read or watched a video long ago that you could program parts of your reality. Or maybe it was you could insert things into your reality. The plan was simple, think of two random things it could be subject matter, prop, incidence etc. Think of two things and then tell yourself those two subjects or materials will show up somehow in your reality within the next 24 hours.

First thing is it has to be something somewhat tangible. You can’t say “I’m gonna see a 14 headed horse with fangs wearing a Billy Bob Thornton t shirt. You have to believe in what you’re looking for. Your mind won’t insert something that you already believe to be false. In short don’t pick two things that you’ve already made up in your head to be false or not existing.

I picked two random but possible things.

1. An easy one. I’ll see a red bandana in the next 24 hours. I had just lost mine the week before. Looked all over for it and never found it.
2. Someone will randomly strike up a conversation with me about Sturgill Simpson. I would make sure not to play any of his albums at work or start up a conversation myself. It had to be random I didn’t want to urge the process into existence.

Listen, I’m new at this shit.

Well I committed to that 24 hours of let’s see what happens.

When I got home from work about 3 hours after I started my internal clock I was folding my laundry and found my red bandana stuck to the back of one of my micro fiber towels I use for camping. It had been stuck to the back the entire time. At first I had a Woo moment but at the same time my mind was like “you went out of your way to make this happen” because yes I still had my mind fixated on that bandana when I got home. I wrote it off as coincidence. I hadn’t learned my lesson on that yet.

Found my bandana but it wasn’t the randomly I had inserted in my mind.

The next day when I was on hour 23 of my little experiment I’d sort of forgotten about it up until I was pulling into Publix to pick up some deli things and my Instagram pinged. I opened my phone to a reel a friend had sent me.

It was a video of Sturgill Simpson with a message attached to it.

I looked at it and laughed. I was like “shit I had forgotten about this” and at that same exact moment I looked up from my phone to see a woman walking across the parking lot with a red bandana on her head. I’m sure she was wondering who was staring at her like a ghost.

At first I wanted to see it. I needed proof of some pseudoscience shit. The whole time I was hyper focused I didn’t see or get what I wanted. It’s when I forgot all about it

It said “hey” 👋🏼 and went about its day.

Law of attraction is amazing.

Theories are my thing right now too. I’m all over the 12 universal laws.

• Law of Vibration: Everything is energy vibrating at specific frequencies; to attract, you must raise your personal frequency.
• Law of Inspired Action: You must act on your desires, as just meditating or visualizing without movement keeps you stagnant.
• Law of Cause and Effect (Karma): Every action has a corresponding reaction; intentional, positive actions yield positive results.
• Law of Correspondence: “As within, so without”—your external reality reflects your internal state.
• Law of Compensation: You reap what you sow; efforts are rewarded positively, often by the universe or others.
• Law of Polarity: Everything has an opposite (light/dark); you can master your life by shifting from a negative to a positive polarity.
• Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy: Energy is constantly changing form, allowing you to turn thoughts into physical reality.
• Law of Relativity: Each challenge is a test of strength and a lesson; perspective shapes the experience.
• Law of Rhythm: Life operates in cycles and rhythms (like seasons); you must work with these, not against them.
• Law of Gender: Everything has masculine (active/doing) and feminine (receptive/being) energy, and balance is necessary for manifestation.
• Law of Divine Oneness: Everything is connected, so your thoughts and actions impact the whole.
• Law of Attraction: Like attracts like; you attract what you are, not just what you want. 

This is googled reference here. I could break them down in scenarios and examples but I have to work for a living and I don’t have the time. But yeah I’ve been on this for a bit. It fits me like a glove.

No woo

No judgment or tithe

Solid advice

I didn’t look for these they found me. Just as the other activities I’m engaging in right now. My body or soul pings and I go that direction. Same as slowing my life down, sitting in stillness, breath work. I didn’t trip over a homeless yogi in Asheville or anything like that. I don’t have spiritual guides, sages or teachers to be honest you don’t need them. If you sit quietly long enough your big brother starts to communicate with you.

“You should do this”

Not

“Though shall NOT do this”

It hums it doesn’t scream.

Big bother who Chad? The universe, the monad, the big cosmic tree in the sky. Whatever you want to call it. It’s big circuitry and we are all attached to the same breaker box.

We are all attached

All

Attached

“We are all God’s children”

Correct. We are. Not sure why we all hate each other so much then.

God isn’t a big Gandalf looking robed guy in the sky. I know growing up as a kid that’s how I saw him. Golden throne, white hair and beard and well of course he’s fucking Caucasian.

God is inside you. And he’s not a wizard or bearded. Well not unless you are.

The Bible tells you this. All of this. Think of it as a decoder ring.

“For the Bible tells me so”

Stopping there. Some of you are getting uncomfortable. As I’ve said a dozen times before I will never insult anyone’s religion or beliefs. It’s all tied together we were taught about it with deceit in mind.

Control

Shame

Diversion

Ouch

It should make you wonder just a little why more and more people are just now waking up to this all over the world with the same thoughts. Thats universal programming and not the other way around.

That’s not woo.

Also just your daily reminder

Observe don’t absorb

Peace ☮️

I typed this out three times before it finally stopped autocorrecting to jumping. I guess humping isn’t in my preferred vocabulary and well that’s a little sad.

I just finished a quiet morning routine of nothingness. I make my coffee and do nothing for 30 minutes.

I do nothing.

I don’t listen to any music, I don’t look at my phone or watch tv I sit still for half an hour. Not completely still I can drink coffee and look around the room but I don’t engage in any distractions during that time. Obviously if I have to use the bathroom I will it’s not a staring at the wall contest.

I just sit still.

It’s a good prelude if you’re trying to get into meditation but can’t focus. Highly recommend this it’s good to unscramble your thoughts. It’s also much more difficult than you think. We are all programmed for stimulation and dopamine. This ain’t it. I’d recommend doing it before getting on the medias. Set your own tone and intentions before someone else does.

Anyone else try to find random people they used to know in their old lives on social media? Sometimes I’ll get in a mode and think “I wonder if I can find Travis who used to bag groceries with me at Bilo when I was 18” or your old boss that fired you that you always thought was an asshat? If I popped up in people you may know and we haven’t chatted in over 30 years that’s not some mystical fate I just got bored and found your ass after 20 minutes of focus and boredom. If you’re reading this then 👋🏼.

I’ve met all three of my new neighbors and they all seem relatively normal and easy going. Hopefully it will remain that way I have a little history of not getting along with my neighbors. Usually something like this points to a “it’s me and not them” issue but I must admit I’ve done nothing to cause these issues unless I’ve been provoked.

My last neighbor was a raging racist asshat who randomly started screaming at me one January afternoon

The one before that kept to themselves except for they built a 9 foot privacy fence all around their “compound”. I think dad was growing something he wasn’t supposed to. Dad went away after a while.

My neighbor before that at the lofts at Mills mill used to stomp on the floor (I lived below him) if the tv was too loud. I had to go upstairs and encourage him to keep his feet lighter on the floor.

My neighbor at my old house in Overbrook kept his dogs chained in the backyard and all they did was bark and shit in one giant pile of excrement. That went about as well as you could expect.

A neighbor at Huntington downs would purposely let his dog bark at our door to agitate us.

Work neighbors? Well my associate at the local Jamaican restaurant still won’t look at me.

Sakura and I fought over the dumpsters and I had to have a few convos with my taco neighbors too.

Hell I remember my parents and the neighbors across the street screaming at each other in Belle Meade. Belle was wild man.

All this does is certify the fact that I’m meant to live on a large island with no neighbors. I need my reality to catch up.

It’s fate.

I’m really not that hard of a person to get along with.

I didn’t watch the state of the union address. I’m watching birds eat seeds on YouTube. Movies and tv shows have lost their charm/effect on me.

In my mind I’m standing in a little bookstore in Crested Butte with my coffee. Grabbing a book to take up to the gulch to listen to frogs chirp and watch the elks snack. The off-road at the Gulch reminds me of old nc 105 except it’s in Colorado not North Carolina. Long gravel roads with remote camping areas. I wonder how charcuterie would do out there.. Leaving Butte to head out east is one of the best drives in Colorado.

If I were wearing my headphones Rocky Mountain High would be singing in my ears. I’m surprised there aren’t any John Denver conspiracies out there. If he’d died recently everyone would be saying he was working on a documentary about missing kids. Listen, I know there’s some crazy shit going on out there I’m knee deep in the deep state theories

But

Sometimes celebrities just die in shitty circumstances. Not all of them are knocked off. It’s not always that deep but then again maybe it is.

This is definitely one of those journal entries that was written for exercise. No creativity was involved in this one.

I get REI gift cards for holidays and birthdays. Probably around 6 a year. I’ll let them collect over time and use them to buy stuff that I wouldn’t normally buy for myself. For example I won’t use them to purchase socks, propane, hiking shoes or small practical things. If I get enough of them I’ll buy something a little over the top to try out for fun. I’ve got a big 4 ft Goal Zero outdoor light that will light up a hillside. Not practical at all. Big, somewhat heavy but fun as hell to have when you’re sitting on a pitch black mountain top. I had a somewhat expensive shower pump with hot water but hated it. A fire can to keep me warm in places where I can’t build a fire, a swing hitch for my bike rack, my bike rack. I won’t buy these things new unless I get gift cards. My camping gear is abundant but I still buy things frugally unless I know they hold their value. I’m terrible at keeping my gift cards in order and will occasionally misplace one or two. I’ve dropped two of them in the parking lot of REI I wear 5in inseam running shorts so my pockets are about as deep as some of my FB friends and things fall out of my pockets. I rarely carry anything with me that won’t fit in my phone wallet. Both cards I lost at rei were found and returned to me.

I get lucky sometimes.

Misplaced another one for the last two weeks. Spent a solid hour looking for it before saying “screw it” I’ll get over it.

But

I don’t get over things very easy.

While I meditating Sunday I decided to try some self hypnosis to retrace my steps with my gift card. I use self hypnosis at night to go back and make peace with old memories. It works.

Highly recommend

Put my headphones on yesterday late morning and closed my eyes. Tried to retrace my steps and did a little mental beacon like radar in my mind.

“Let’s find that card”

While we were unpacking I had set aside a box of clothes to go up in the attic. Winter clothes I had set aside to hibernate as we head towards spring.

“Your card is in the attic in a pair of joggers you wore three weeks ago”

*opens attic door, opens box

BAM there’s my joggers

BAM there’s my gift card

Meditation is magic for the soul.

Writing is meditation for me also. When I get into a mode I can pull up some old OLD memories once I focus on a specific topic.

That’s all I had to say about that.

My walking routes have changed. We live off of Anderson Street or road I don’t know but the walking routes are interesting. I can walk straight and end up to Main Street or I can take on turn and walk around dilapidated homes and trip over 40 oz bottles. I live across the street from a place that looks like Arkham Asylum. Rusted wrought iron fence, boarded windows and super villains awaiting release into the world.

I’m listening to Best of 3rd Bass. I love late 80s early 90s hip hop. Old school or skool hip hop is a solid beat to write to. Good cadence, keeps your mind balanced. Onyx? Not so much.

Where can I find cheap real estate where I can open up a small record store/deli/ coffee/ thrift store in a small Mayberry town with a loft apartment above? I can get down with that. Man I used to go thrifting every week back in the day. I may have to drive to Asheville today and enjoy some of that.

Who’s with me?

*crickets 🦗

Farmburger sounds good too

Think I just figured out my day for myself.

Cheers

Sometimes I’ll stare down at my phone for a few seconds when I open my WordPress app and try to conjure up some subject matter for me to write. I try to move around when I write and spark new ideas or thoughts. Half the time when I do this my post ends up in the draft department for eternity. I keep them around for that just in case moment. Sort of like the coffee spoon that sits on the corner of the kitchen sink for the sake of not getting your sugar measurements right the first cup.

*takes sip

“Perfect”

*still leaves spoon dangling

I think we are on week three of our move and this would be the first morning it’s felt like a home.

This is my first cup of I’m home coffee.

It’s my weekend. I’ve been working on losing the weekend mentality. In my work career I’ve never had a consistent work schedule. Not for the lack of trying as a restaurant owner and previously a restaurant GM days off were a crap shoot. Or one of your days off become a meeting day so instead of dissociating with work I’d spend 4 hours discussing P&Ls and staffing issues. Back in 2017 after a partnership shakeup I worked 200 plus days without a day off. I didn’t even realize it until after I spent half the day at home I started to get anxious.

I used to think being a workaholic was a flex. I watch some of my friends who still think this way and I hope you find your peace.

I’m in the halfway point of my work lease. My work week has been the most consistent at this point in my career. I close the deli Sunday and Monday unless I have a special order or a large catering. I have a numerical amount in my head that gets me to come into work. Christmas time it gets thrown out the window. Days off are spent planning for the week. It’s a given I don’t dwell on it.

Now I’m in that weekend mode. Thursday is my hump day, Friday is that “tomorrow is my weekend! and then Saturday I’m watching the clock for 5pm. In my head I’m making weekend plans, creating adventures and todo lists. Sunday morning I wake up with a smile and a “I ain’t got shit to do” vibe.

Monday all I think about is that I have to go back to work again tomorrow.

So this is the American dream I’ve been missing this whole time?

On full day of glee

I always get a kick out of the “no one wants to work anymore!” exclamations I see online.

Guess what George? I don’t either.

You just need better balance Chad. Sure thing. Find me a job where I can work 3.5 days a week. That’s balance.

I’m letting off steam folks. Take that chill pill. I enjoy creating. I enjoy making people smile with my work. Stop raising the prices on everything is all. Let people enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Let people live.

I play with numbers in my head.

“If I can sell my deli for this much, take our teeny tiny savings account and sell a lot of my hobby shit I could buy some acreage at “x” build a very small home and farm for three.”

I’m literally one more eye roll away from disconnecting from this, buying a flip phone and shrinking my world down like a shrinky dink. Drive to a cafe to link up to internet, post a blog and go back to my goats, chickens and alpacas.

Greenhouse attached to my little home. Morning coffee facing east, bare feet facing west at night.

Oh yeah

Maybe move out of the country. We no longer own this one anyway.

Peace of Mind by Tyler Childers is in my ears right now.

Music is always a great pairing with your thoughts. Your soul creates a playlist for you when you’re tuned in. That’s all I’m trying to do these days.

Tune in while tuning out.

“Days are dark down in the holler

Waiting for the sun to shine

On the back you have been breaking

Tryin to earn peace of mind”

Tyler throwing it in my face.

My weekend itinerary? I’ve made no plans. I may read I’m about 20 books behind this year. My reading has slipped lately but my writing has increased so my mental seesaw is level. I may reread Lonesome Dove again to bring Augustus back to life for a bit.

I’m taking a day off from current times today. No Internet, no scrolling. It’s also why I’m not talking about anything relevant today. My brain is also on its weekend.

I may take a jaunt up to Asheville. Smell some patchouli and eat a grass fed burger.

Chloe Dancer/ Crown of Thorns by Mother Love Bone is playing. No life reference here I just love this song.

“You ever heard the story of Mr. Faded Glory?
Say he who rides a pony must someday fall
Talkin’ to my altar, say, “Life is what you make it
And if you make it death, well, rest your soul away”

Peace ☮️

Don’t worry I don’t throw these words around at 5:25am to pump my own vocabulary and to be honest I rolled over this term yesterday afternoon while reading. I would consider my stepping into this term, that would shatter my chance of winning a spelling bee, a trail marker of sorts.

Off and on I’ll read a little Carl Jung and some of his writings and or theories ping. I don’t sit at home and read Jung for hours my mind can focus on this type of thing for about 20 minutes at a time before I’m staring off at my toenails.

But it pinged

I’ll use a slingshot here to illustrate although I may change or add another illustration. I use illustrations in my mind to help understand somethings that may fly over my head. It’s also why I probably write in metaphors a lot. I think in metaphors.

Think of a slingshot, an unbreakable one.

Stop.

Rewind.

I need a different approach. Not for you but for me personally. I need to describe it in a way for me to understand it or it’s going to get paraphrased to the point of fucking it up. I do that a lot too.

I’m a cool weather person. Summer is fine but I live in the south and the humidity can kiss my ass once it’s late June to August. I don’t like sweating profusely while standing still in the shade. I enjoy winter more. I can wear soft warm loose clothing, hoodies, hats, warm socks. I enjoy camping in cool weather, fire pits and cozy blankets at night.

Coffee tastes better too. I’m in my element.

Now if I were to encounter a ridiculously cold winter or relocate somewhere that it snows weekly and the average temperature is below zero it may change my whole outlook on winter. It may cause my mood to swing to a summer lifestyle. I may go from high altitude mountain life (which I prefer) to low country beach life. My pendulum for winter has swung completely to summer. The winter experience was such a crisis that I sold all of my parkas and skis for a thong and beach towel.

That’s Enantiodromia

When something becomes too extreme it flips to the opposite out of necessity.

A personal example. If anyone read my blog a while back about my school bus days where I was a subject of bullying that I received for a few years. I was a quiet and shy kid growing up. Violence wasn’t in my wheelhouse. I took some beatings until I flipped into a violent person. I became a violent person to protect myself out of necessity. That wasn’t a pendulum more of a slingshot.

Same meaning if you get my message.

Enantiodromia – running towards the opposite.

Day >night

Life >death

I believe Jung was taking some pointers from Heraclitus who believed reality was structured opposite tensions

Order >brunch service (sorry had to throw that in there) also known as chaos. Something I’m well aware of. That would be another example. I used to embrace chaos for years in the service industry. It was my badge of honor. It became so extreme that my body and mind flipped to order and stillness.

I think that’s enough for now.

Enantiodromia

Do you feel something shifting? I don’t mean tectonic plates, political views or weather.

Something is shifting.

Globally

And

We need to embrace this shift.

Collectively

We’ve all been pulled.

Pulled

Pulled

Pulled

Pulled

The system wants balance. The system being us collectively.

Collectively is where momentum builds.

Tides go in, tides go out. It’s the balance of nature. What happens when the tide goes waaaaaaaaaaay out?

Tidal wave

We live in a system of balance. Not our own government or world system that’s broken. Laws of nature type. Push an inflatable ball underwater eventually it’s going to pop back up. If you’re looking down at it chances are you’re going to get knock in the teeth with it.

The more we are pulled around the more energy is building up on the pushing side of the spectrum. The push back side.

Energy is building up.

For the push.

Collective push.

Not a push from the left, right, middle or apolitical.

This isn’t politics this is spiritual. Natural law.

That’s the shift you’re feeling. Or at least I’m hoping it is.

Listen I’m not a psychic, tarot reader, shaman or any hippie shit that you’re probably calling me right now.

I’m just becoming more aware. Not by choice. I’m following my instincts and trail markers. I’ve been shifting for a while.

Collectively we can accomplish things much greater than individuals.

That’s why they divide. They pull us into micro groups while we pull each other into even smaller ones. Micro groups, when they push back don’t make a dent.

A bee sting only stings.

A swarm can clear out a football field.

Collectively

That’s the shift.

That’s the shift I’ve been talking about for a while. My one employee thinks I’m crazy.

“Next year Barry there will be a shot heard around the world that will cause a collective consciousness shift.” – Chad Gangwer February 2025. Hell I even reposted it the other day.

Enantiodromia

The collective consciousness calls for balance.

We are the collective consciousness. We’ve always been but we are farmed to be divided and pulled away.

The push is coming. If you open your eyes

And your mind

Just don’t push the balance too far the other way. You can be outraged without burning the entire house down. We are better than that.

We can flip over tables though.

Collectively.

Life moves at a faster pace the longer you’re around.

I think that’s why the older we get the slower we move. When you’re younger you’ve got too much time on your hands. Or it seems feels that way. I know the phrase “I’m bored” was on autopilot when I was in my teens and early 20s.

At my time in life you literally do stop and smell the flowers. You walk instead of run. You read instead of glance. Even my music tastes have slowed down. I need to stop tailgating the elderly when I’m shopping. Let them enjoy their level of life.

I lied in bed last night for a bit. Answered a lot of questions dancing around in my head. Sometimes I can get a good view of life when I’m still and focused. I had a lot of noise in my head the past few days.

I needed to retain my sovereignty.

The holiday season still sits in my bones and joints a little longer this year. I’ve got a different horizon of life in my heart right now. Food industry is slowly sliding away.

I can’t quit you baby – Led Zeppelin is in my headphones. Man it’s surreal when the music matches your voice. My mood. Usually by this time I back to boxes with same body motion as normal but not this time. My mind is in another world.

A much better world.

My eyes opened over a year ago and now all I do is observe. That’s what my intuition and instincts tell me to do.

Be still. Don’t engage. I get it but I kinda want to burn things down. I’ve always been the igniter not the watcher.

My patriotism has expired by no fault of mine. Man I was the guy that stood up the straightest when the pledge of allegiance was presented.

Allegiance? To what exactly? Allegiance is a collaboration. Hand in hand. Teamwork makes the dream work? It’s a two way street and it’s been rerouted.

This isn’t about “not my president” it’s about not the country I thought it was at one time. This isn’t an overnight sensation by golly the government has been chipping away for some time.

“I pledge the allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under god, with liberty and justice for all.”

Gtfo with that

Chad does that mean you won’t stand at the pledge? Are you going to kneel?

I’m not even going to show up to the event. You no longer get anything from me.

Patriotism is a stale piece of bread and fiction

Break that down any way you like.

News barely covers the news anymore. If it does I automatically assume it’s propaganda or lying. That’s a trap they set for us years ago.

One nation under god? Which god are we referring to?

Ever been to the Hoover Dam? Just a big ass dam holding a powerful water source. It also has winged statues flanking a star map. Zodiac wheel embedded on the floor.

Denver airport? Just a big glowing pale horse with blazing eyes sticking out for no good reason. Mural showing war, masks and children. Masonic capstone and gargoyles. Pretty wild for a midwestern airport.

Washington monument just a big fat obelisk sticking out of the ground in our nations capital. Speaking of the capital the streets of DC are made into a pentagram and points right to the capital. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

*yawns

Oh yeah Mt Rushmore. I went there a few years ago. Sealed Hidden hall of records is a bit weird behind Abe’s head.

We could go off track and chat about the Statue of Liberty and its comparison to Lucifer. That’s too far for a lot of you. Even me sometimes.

200 pyramids in the US alone. Don’t remember studying that in history class. “It’s just big pointy rocks folks”

School? Remember all your textbooks? Macmillan/ McGraw Hill School publishing? That’s Robert Maxwell. Quite the media proprietary giant. Maybe you know his daughter’s name Ghislaine.

These aren’t conspiracies guys. You can google this.

We’ve had propaganda inserted at birth. Catch up folks I’ve been here awhile. Now that you’ve seen or read with your own eyes what the elites are doing with children this shit isn’t so off base now is it? Alex Jones is a fucking nut job but he’s not that far off..

Want to go deeper? Adrenochrome is just a conspiracy theory right? Remember Monsters Inc? Cute movie. Goes over the topic of scaring the shit out of kids to get their adrenaline. What a cool and fun movie. It’s referencing adrenochrome. Hollywood is amazing at showing you what’s really going on without admitting it. Sounds crazy right?

Right?

Why is it always schools that get shot up? It’s always schools. Always the kids.

Remember when someone tried to light a fuse in their shoe to blow up a plane years ago? After that we had to disrobe and walk barefoot through the airport. Because one guy tried to light a fuse in his shoe. They fixed that real quick.

School shootings? Let’s teach kids how to hide under their desks. Let’s do random scenarios to keep them on their toes.

“Ok kids that’s what we do if someone walks into our school at any given moment and starts killing your friends. Now let’s open up our textbooks published by the father whose daughter is the queen of a global sex trafficking organization to chapter 6 about our Freemason founding fathers.

Random wild thought. Isn’t crazy the one Space Shuttle that blew up to shit was the one that was televised in our schools to watch? Also let’s put a teacher on there to really make it hit home at school.

It’s

Always

The

Kids

Am I crazy? Yeah I’ve been for a while but this, THIS shit is too much to be a coincidence.

I watch some of you and you’re slowly waking up. The veil is fading. You’re fortunate because for me it was ripped off my face like duct tape. For some random crazy reason this was “downloaded” into my head in about a week. Try shuffling this shit around in your mind while trying to make charcuterie boxes.

The Bible? Oh the Bible is amazing. It’s not a comic book by any means.

But

It’s coded. Heavily coded and manipulated over time. Jesus is 💯 real but he’s not that turn the other cheek guy and he’d be disappointed to see the thousands of churches created around his “likeness”. I’m done on that subject some of you unfortunately will think I’m being disrespectful when I’m being the opposite. We all need Jesus. Just not the way you think.

Man my intuition fucking nailed 2026 so far. Y’all really need to engage in some psilocybin.

Life’s short.

This will ruffle some feathers but to be honest I don’t care anymore. Information needs to be seen. Shared.

My daughter is sitting across the room from me eating her breakfast. I want to grab a spaceship and take her far away from here right now.

Wake up folks. It’s just beginning.

Peace.. ☮️