Some mornings I wake up with little to think or say. Or it’s not a journally moment I feel stagnant. Not sure as to why, I think somedays the mundanity of humanity drones in my mind.

Blah

Deli has been steady, charcuterie is trending. Whenever I see a post on a big Facebook page group “I need a charcuterie board” I always toss my business out like a fish hook and see what I reel in. I like these posts because it gives me some exposure, chadcuterie will get a dozen new followers and I’ll await an email or message to see if I won today’s board lottery.

It’s one of the times I have to sell tickets. I never knew how many other charcuterie businesses are out there. Every post I see another “Cooter’s Cuteries is to die for!”

“The Cheese and Board is happy to help!“

“Hi! I would highly recommend The Olive Branch Bitcharoo!”

and it’s just a box with carrot nubs, opened pre made charcuterie meats, cubed cheeses and an occasional hotdog sliced into thin pieces.

I’ve seen a cocktail weenies and Swedish fish on a board. These are fun.

I don’t take my charcuterie seriously until I have to.

Charcuterie is preserved meats yall. That’s it. Cheese and other shit pair well with it but that’s what it is.

Meats

“Can you make me a vegetarian charcuterie board?”

Sure! Just let me pull my head out of the oven first.

It’s funny I looked back on my Facebook memories and could read the burnout dripping from my journaling a year ago.

My hormones must run annually.

Am I making fun of my competitors?

Listen

Yes

But, not all of them and in fact if I can’t make a box for someone I’ll refer them to the Southern Grazer. There are some that do great work and others that shouldn’t be doing these for a living but if you can? Hey go for it. Carrot nubs need love too.

Elitist? Im putting meat and cheese on a piece of wood like an interior designer would do a floor plan for your living room.

A feng shui of food on a shaved tree plank.

Meat and cheese jigsaws.

Geometrical food rations of art.

Ok I’m done.

No I’m not an elitist. I support any and every small business I can. Kudos to all entrepreneurs. If I catch you doing these in pizza boxes nearby I’m buying a flamethrower.

“Oh Chad”

Yeah oh Chad my huervos someone has already tried. Thankfully the general public didn’t like triskets and American cheese in their boxes.

Ok I’m done. *exhales, lowers shoulders, sips coffee

I had someone ask for a charcuterie table with bbq.

*shoulders slump more

I’m tired bro. Only fans just isn’t an option for me. Not the meat spread I specialize in.

*drum and symbol tap 🥁

Where was I?

Was I ever wasing somewhere?

I just had a stroke reading that.

I can’t get over how many fucking people do this here now. It’s wild. I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch others do high volume. Just to see if it drains the life out of their system like mine..

That comment wasn’t necessary.

My bad

I drank my second cup of coffee today and exclaimed to myself “NEW SANDWICH MENU COMING SOON”

and then stared into the abyss of my living room corner for half an hour

If I were to calculate my business sales into a fraction of sandwiches and charcuterie it would be 75% coochie and 25% sandwiches. I think when I created this concept that’s how I saw it in my reality and I must’ve fucked myself good because that’s where we are.

Logistics I get it. A board can equal up to 10 sandwiches. Food cost is better.

But

My sandwiches are the unsung heroes. They’re really good and I put some effort into them. I like seeing people enjoy what I make

That’s all

Also, stop asking me if I’m from Philly just because I put hoagies on my menu.

“Are you from Philly?”

Me- “nope I’ve never been”

“Then why do you call them hoagies?”

Me- “because that’s the name of the bread I put the meat on”

“That’s not a hoagie”

Go take your Hellman’s ass elsewhere then

If I relocate I’m taking the name hoagie off my menu.

“Chad’s long and narrow sandwiches” coming to a deli near you.

My shop isn’t even really a deli anymore. I stopped stocking deli food in my display cooler because no one bought anything. Some come by and say “I didn’t know you sold sandwiches even though I’ve got “hoagies” “lunch” and sandwiches” in 10 in bright letters on my windows facing the street. You know, the street that’s been under construction for the last 2 years? I could’ve built St. Peter’s Basilica in less time.

I’m just jawing at myself yall.

It’s therapeutic. The deli does well most of the time. It’s the long lost passion I deal with.

Drive by a half mile car line at the new hotdog place on Wade Hampton and I want to flip my truck in a ditch.

lol that’s just sarcasm yall.. 🤫

My favorite are the asshat online reviewer wannabes that want to trend with their diatribes on hotdog buns. Everyone wants to be an influencer.

Ok that was a personal jab.

I’m done.

For now.

I gotta go make an Oktoberfest spread with liver wurst and pretzels. Wish me luck.