I left for Old Forge Saturday around 10am. My goal was to drive until I had enough of traffic and non turn signal commuters. If I had followed that course I would’ve pulled over in Spartanburg. Actually traffic wasn’t that bad for the first few hours until I crossed into Virginia and then the congestion stayed in my lane for about three hours. At one point I crawled for 27 minutes only to come up on a state highway pickup truck driving 15 mph with a big blinking arrow encouraging everyone to merge into the right lane.

No construction

No wrecks

No wide loads

Clear skies and roads just an asshat driving around with a big blinking arrow causing traffic to stop and merge. I had read a conspiracy not so long ago that the government pays people to slow traffic down and I scoffed at it. “You conspiracy theory folk have lost your damn mind”

Now I’m hesitant to call them out. For just about anything these days

Flat earth? Fuck it. Bring it

No astronauts on the moon? Maybe not

John Travolta is a reptile? Most likely

I’m kidding about most of these.

Most

My goals so far:

No social media or internet. I had to use my phone for navigation. My truck gps route did not align with my specific route of no tolls, no Jersey turnpike, no Washington bridge or any thing close to New York City. I’ve done them all.

I will not do them again.

I stopped for the evening about 20 miles south of Scranton .My navigation displayed only 4 more hours of driving until Old Forge. I figured that would put me in old Forge around 9-9:30am .Pulled into a Cracker Barrel to boon dock for a short sleep. Cracker is one of my go to’s for lot sleeping. You can usually find another camper or two there to keep you company. I actually had two for neighbors.

Another one of my goals was to fast for 48 hours. I made it 42 hours before I caved in. My morning black coffee made my stomach gurgle enough to break the fast. Still 42 hours later was a solid break. Sleeping in a parking lot of a restaurant almost broke me. Uncle Hershel’s platter was luring me back to my empty stomach. Once I fell asleep I was fine. The next morning I felt good. I mean really good. I’ve done some research on the benefits of fasting. Physical and spiritual.

It’s a good cleanse for both.

I was feeling light and euphoric. Music was crisper, my mind was flowing steady and I was hyper focused on my surroundings in front of me. So focused in fact that I didn’t notice the state patrol driving behind me with his lights and siren on. I had Paul Simon’s Graceland blasting in my truck, i was so engrossed I was crying to the chanting of one of his songs. I was driving to the music. Apparently I was steering to the music too.

The state patrol officer turned up his siren just loud enough for me to finally hear it. I looked into my rearview mirror with a resounding “holy fucking shit” I pulled over, rolled my windows down and put on my best charming smile. The trooper walked up to my window

“I’ve been behind you since New Bern”

Me, having no clue when I was in New Bern or what town I was in at that moment.

“Man, I’m sorry I’m in my own little world in here jamming to Paul Simon. I didn’t even notice you”

Smokey – “you were doing 70 in a 55”

Me -“oh was I? Man the speed limit shuffles every half mile up here dude I’m genuinely sorry”

Smokey “You were also crossing the center line of several occasions”

Me- “well shit maybe I was. Graceland is amazing”

Smokey “ Are you impaired?”

Me- “Sir I’ve never been more sober in my life. I’m in my own little world in my truck I’m driving up to camp in the Adirondacks. I’m just excited I guess.

Smokey – “do you have your drivers license and registration?

Me – I’ve got one of those two”

My taxes have been paid but I don’t like going to the DMV. The important part is I’ve paid my taxes. Right?”

Smokey- *stares at me for a long moment, grabs driver’s license “is there anything I should be concerned about on your license?”

Me trying to remember if I paid that parking ticket in Charleston two years ago “I think I’m good. God I hope I am”

“I’m too fragile for jail”

Smokey *cracks a tiny smile

Me *oh thank god I just might make it out of here.

After a couple of minutes the cop comes back. “I could cite you for about 6 things but I’m just going to give you a speeding ticket”

“Thanks my man. I mean officer”

*spits boot polish out the window

Then he smiles “if you’re going to Adirondacks check out Raquette lake. My dad’s favorite spot he wants his ashes strewn there”

I smiled and thanked him for the advice. My morning run in with the state trooper had been a trail marker in disguise. I have no itinerary for this trip. I’ve done zero research I set my sights for the Adirondack mountains with no idea where I was going to go. Officer friendly gave me my first stop on my itinerary.

He handed me my ticket and I set it in the glove compartment. I have no intention of reading the fine amount until I get back home.

As I drove off I started smiling, then I started laughing. Nothing can fuck this flow.

A few years ago I would’ve let that ruin my entire day.

I’d rather not get another one though so Graceland will have to wait a bit before I listen again.