First

No thanks

Second

I kinda don’t wanna

I tweaked my voice for writing while I was plodding around up north. As I mentioned I wrote a lot. I’ve got a half dozen entries I may or may not post where I went a different pace with my journaling.

Hold please

“Ja mo be there” was playing in my headphones. It had to be changed.

I’m back

It’s funny, to me at least that when I decided to publicly post my journal entries on here I’d be mostly ranting and satire. Mostly comedic jargon and fart jokes.

But

When I got the ball rolling I ended up emptying my trauma guts on here. My heartbreaks, struggles with addiction, fear of failure and depression.

Each word I wrote was a stitch into an old open wound.

Acknowledging

Healing

Coping

All through my writing.

Throw in a spiritual awakening and then I went sideways for another 6-8 months dealing with what felt like a downloaded psychosis that took months to breakdown with careful discernment.

Still breaking it all down.

I will say this standing on the tallest building. Writing has been the biggest impact on my mental health.

Hold one give me a second here my song shuffles are not blending well with this vibe. “Too many puppies” by Primus is a little overwhelming at 5:45am. Honestly there aren’t many relaxing songs I’ll get from a group like Primus.

Not helping my journaling today Les

Back to the story

There’s just something about writing what’s on your mind and reckoning with it. Some of your thoughts and old little traumas can add up in your head. Carry their own weight.

Let it all out. You don’t have to post it publicly I don’t post everything on here but I do write it all out for me to see. It’s become a reference library for reflection. I love reading what I wrote a year or two ago. I can feel the tension or elation, the in betweens, emotions and situations.

My first thought or question

“Does this thought still roam around free in your mind?”

No?

Good

That’s growth old boy

If I read something that makes me cringe a little all it means is that I’ve matured. With my reactions to situations, responses, handling

I got a handle on it.

My focuses on subjects at the time

I wrote about my struggles with the deli. Do I still have them? Yep, but they don’t roam in my head like they used to. I’m able to look back on my writing and see the hurdles I’ve already jumped.

No need to return.

Returning is a pattern I’ve helped demolish through writing comprehension.

It’s also a refresher to remind me of the things I said I’d accomplish but fell back into the reality soup.

“Oh yeah I was going to take karate this year”

Huwaaaaaaaaaaah 🥋

“Your wildest dreams” Moody Blues is in my ears.

Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Love was all we knew
And all I knew was you

This song probably isn’t about what you think it.

*murky tangent

I’m still in my own world folks

My trip is still downloading. I’ve actually been a tad grumpy. Domestication is trying its best to strap me back on that saddle.

I don’t think I can get back on that horse anymore.

I’m out of sorts. Don’t hit that refresh button though it’s suppose to be this way.

Sammie Davis Jr is singing “I’ve Gotta Be Me” right now. Now that’s some fucking synchronized shit.

“I’ve just go to be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

And then “I want to break free”

Thanks Freddy

6:15 and I’m syncing like the Titanic.

Sea what I did there?

Ouch

Anyway yeah I’m tweaking my voice on here a bit.

Maybe it’s a download I’m trying to assimilate

Maybe

Maybe it’s Maybelline.

Thanks Mr. Mercury for that song

No more song paring for the morning. My sync is full.

I’m here all day folks.