The little light in my head that chats with me.

I don’t have a mild case of schizophrenia. Or I at least haven’t been diagnosed with it.

Awareness – the state of knowing, perceiving, or being cognizant of a situation, event, or concept

My little awakening in Hunting Island supercharged it. It’s taken a little while to sit with it. For about 6 months I thought it was spiritual psychosis. I wasn’t grounded yet I was running in circles trying to take in all the woo woo that can come with it.

Some friends ask me about it and it starts off well but when religion starts to take the stage of the conversation then it usually stops and the discussion changes. I’m not here to enforce anything or to change minds. It’s not my business. I’m just offering awareness. Should you want to talk about it.

Ive got a friend I haven’t seen over a year. We were texting yesterday and he was looking at one of my videos on IG and he remarked about my peace.

Me- “man we have a lot to talk about. In person.. I don’t want you leaving me on read”

I rarely talk about my awakening. Even to my wife. It even makes her uncomfortable. I get it completely had you thrown this shit at me 6 years ago I would’ve walked away from you.

Life’s a trip

I have no doubt the psilocybin I did the previous night on that island permanently changed the wiring in my brain. Not in an insane or negative way. Quite the opposite actually.

It woke me up.

I mentioned a light that came on in my head that told me I was going to stop drinking. That’s awareness, my intuition

my consciousness.

My consciousness broke through my normal thinking process and patterns and whispered to me “your drinking days are over soon”

The one I laughed at.

I’m not sitting on the sofa having a conversation with another Chad glowing with sparkles and halos over his head.

My belief, my view, my own personal conviction is that we are all consciousness experiencing itself. I believe we are energy in a meat suit form of matter. A walking WiFi signal for consciousness.

Or what I refer to as my trail markers.

We are all connected. You, me, my cat sitting next to me, the spider I let sit beside me in camp last night, my coffee cup, throw rug on my lap you get the point.

That’s about it for now kids. I’ll throw a little crumb out and move on. You ever want to pick my brain on this subject grab a coffee and let’s chat. I’m just beginning to grasp it, to understand.

My awareness came to me and shook me up for a future download. I write in metaphors. I’ve found it makes it easier to understand things and for me to explain things. The Bible is extremely metaphorical by the way. Sorry brief tangent.

The light in my head.

Back to that guy.

You ever get intuitive thoughts that get stuck in your head? Bad feeling or good? Stomach might get involved too because it’s the soil to your brain.

Think about that over your next Big Mac.

You ever ask yourself who that is talking to you inside your head all the time? Is it you? Are you sure? Maybe it’s a jumbled composition of experiences, trauma and perceptions.

I’m all over the place at the moment because I’m circling the subject the best way I know how so I don’t sound woo woo. I’m trying to explain in a grounded but at the same time a little soulful magic because I’m devoted to this theory if you want to call it that. Sometimes when you’re quiet or still your “WiFi” may pick up new signals or messages. That’s what I refer to as downloads. New information. You may receive it while reading a book or just watching a commercial. Maybe a meaningful conversation with a friend. Your brain unlocks or clicks on a story, vibe, word, song, smell or experience. Me? I was sitting on the sofa feeling quite sorry for myself. I guess my WiFi got bored and sought at another signal and picked this thought up out of the monad as some call it. There was no physical voice saying “your drinking days will come to an end soon”

It was an awareness, a moment of energy entering my mind. It whispered, smiled calmly and sat way back in my mind after introducing its proclamation. I picked up a signal that was meant for little ole me whether I wanted it or not. Of course I wanted it. I just didn’t believe it.

It gave me the feeling of sobriety before I experienced it. It gave me thoughts of what my life would be without the vodka. It didn’t force a thing. Just a quiet ping

ping

ping

Until it became a low flowing light of awareness in my mind. Again this is metaphorical but barely.

The awareness awakens you. The signal of thoughts guide you into the direction you should proceed.

Should you listen

Should you choose this mission.

*this message will self destruct in 5 seconds..

^That’s how I feel what happens when you ignore your instincts.

This one was the same way. “Hey Chad just sit and listen for a while. It’ll get easier the more you listen. That’s all I did was listen, for four or five months until it became a form of action and no longer a thought.

A form of guidance because I really needed it and really wanted it.

All I did was listen because I had nowhere else to go. As I said not too long ago salvation can arrived when you stop fighting yourself.

I didn’t tell anyone about that

Download

Awareness

Signal

Connection

Only because I wasn’t aware what it was yet. Had I said in July of 2021 “hey I’m gonna put the bottle down at the end of the year” I would’ve gotten some weird looks. It may have never happened if I announced it.

Also I was never given a date or time. I woke up January 1, 2022 and told the guy in the mirror I wasn’t drinking anymore. That person in the mirror became the new Chad talking to an old version of me. I’ve spent years collapsing that man. It wasn’t an exclamation of –

“today is the day!”

It was awareness.

I waited 60 days to announce my sobriety ride. I had to be sure this was the one.

And it was

It’s on my mind heavy at the moment I’ve wrote about my little light in my head as I refer to it on here on several occasions even mentioning it’s anniversary of when I became aware of it or when it made me aware I should say. It spoke to me last week in a rather loud tone as I was sitting on my sofa at home. I’d had a brief conversation with myself in the shower post work. Some old familiar stuff that I still reckon with from time to time. Nothing detrimental I was letting my inner dialogue run its mouth for a bit.

The light sparked for a moment, not angrily but it popped, like a log in the fire when a pocket of air or moisture is released.

It got my attention again.

A signal of code

Intuition

Stomach soil

Connection

Download

Big throbbing trail marker

“It’s time to step it up Chad”

No that’s not exactly what it said again metaphors

But

I got its intended intention.

It was louder than the last. The last was a whisper this one was a poke in the ribs.

We had a chat. I sat and listened and accepted the download

This mission will not self destruct. Quite the opposite actually.

What’s the mission Chad? Well I can’t speak it into existence I have to experience it to understand it.

That’s where we are. I had a long conversation with myself over a campfire all weekend. Steadying the ship to find its course. Before its journey.

Fucking metaphors man

It’s my responsibility to myself to acknowledge and proceed. And here we go.

Peace