I have over a thousand notes on my phone. It’s mostly grocery store products that I’ll type out in short hand while I’m in a hurry running to Publix I’m walking around my deli with my thumb inputting data of needed inventory.

Bags (baguettes)

Crack (crackers duh)

Ons (onions)

Cukes

Goat

Loin

Saur

Bake

I know what it all means and if you took a moment you’d figure it out. Changing my shorthand to longhand has been one of my new habits I’m trying to work out. Deliberately writing it all out or typing it all out. I may have mentioned I bought a notebook not too long ago to help me write slower and more coherent. I blend my cursive and printed letters together. Some letters are larger and in capitals in between other letters so my handwriting resembles a poorly sketched mountain range.

I’m working on it. I feel it’s important to be able to express yourself through the deliberation of hand writing your thoughts and feelings. The amount of things I’ve been able to put behind me just from writing them out has helped my own personal rehabilitation journey. I keep that notebook in the back of my camper. On a calm day I’ll write quotes, sketch and practice the art of lettering. It’s not exciting by any means and it’s not supposed to be. It’s meant to ground my mind and speed of thought. Somedays I can hold a thought for .002 seconds before staring into space with a burning object in my hand. Half of my mind lives in a fantasy world of “what if” while the other half tries to chase the answer.

My other notes are short little quips, written with brevity to save time as I try to decipher what was going on in my head at that moment.

Resting in between “napkins” and “celery” you may find random inserts such as “don’t forget who you are”

“When you’re done running life begins”

“Slow it down today”

Half the time I don’t remember typing these out. Mostly because my thoughts are just flurries of words or I’m trying to engage with myself for a new journal entry but then someone sticks a pop tart in my face and I forgot where I was going.

New menu ideas

Recipe cards

Camping coordinates or checklists

Passwords because who remembers them anymore? I never connect the password to its purpose so it never works. I’ll have Beardedgangalicious95!?>><<££ and have no idea what it accesses. Chances are I’ll change the password again immediately and leave it open until my phone shuts down. I don’t care about these things anymore. The older I get the more things I choose to leave behind. One day I hope my last email will read

“I hope you email doesn’t find you”

Sorry, tangent ☕️

*refills cup

I enjoy my morning coffee. It’s my favorite routine that I allow on a daily, must have basis. I allow myself three refills, that doesn’t mean three full cups of coffee, my refills are made when my coffee reaches a distinct level or temperature. I may get my second refill after a few sips because I require more heat. I may be deep in writing and drink the entire cup which means I have to replenish my raw sugar levels in my coffee. Or honey at times. I only drink coffee in white colored cups if I have the option. I don’t like colored coffee cups the coffee doesn’t taste the same I will fight you on this.

My wife calls it my tism

I won’t even talk about forks and spoons don’t ever hand me a round handled utensil to eat. I need friction with my eating tools.

Am I still tangeting? I make my own words.

I’ve been struggling with posting one of my blogs from last week because I started it mid afternoon, paused, and finished it after an edible. It’s two different perspectives of the same day. I rarely write after 8pm for a reason should I indulge in a gummy or a plant.

My post last night about rhubarb should tell you all you need to know about that..

“But Chad you can’t call yourself sober if you smoke 💨”

I don’t call myself anything anymore but happy and proud. I’ve never blacked out and lost my car on a gummy. I’ve never hit anyone over the head with a bottle after a bowl.

I’ve never woken up with regret from THC, well maybe the occasional bedtime Milky Way bar but other than that I don’t care. I work out 6 days a week, I’m 25 lbs lighter and here’s a weird thing I’ve begun to notice. The more I walk around smiling the more smiles I get back.

Who’d a thunk it?

I may change the headline of this post to “Tangents”

I’m slowly changing my look, deliberately mind you. It’s fun to visualize another form of you in your mind and then chase that

Look

Feel

Vibe

Energy

Try it sometime. It’s fun.

I’ve started waxing my mustache and curling it to give my mouth a waxed form of a smile. Almost like those nasty wax mustaches you could eat like candy. I didn’t like how my mustache made me look like a walrus at times. It’s why I look like I’m frowning all the time. I get more smiles with the mustache up. Hell it makes me smile more because I know I look ridiculous sometimes.

Life’s short. Wax that fucking stache