I’ve got around 9-10 months left on my current lease at Graze. Business is steady at the moment and that shiny 4.95 google/yelp rating out in the interwebs does bring a smile on my face. There’s no hiding my pride in my businesses. I may roll my eyes at consumers on a daily basis but I still give my best to be the best at whatever I do. I’m not competing with the local businesses I’m competing with me. I’ve dropped the fickleness with my deli for a bit. I’ve stuck with my last menu and I’m no longer moving furniture around. I’m in my still phase for the last year.

Observing

Analyzing

Contemplating

Resting

And most of all

Listening

I’m in no rush to make any decisions or plans. I’ve curated this business to allow me my availability to my lifestyle. Since April I’ve been weekend warring almost every week except for one where I needed some rest at home. Camping can push you around sometimes it’s why I do it.

I’m home by 5:15 with my fam. I’ve got my morning routine ducks in a row.

It pays my bills and affords a little recreation. That’s all well and good unless I break a leg or arm then life gets interesting. I’ve gone 54.9 years without a broken bone. I’ve done everything else to this body other than that. I guess I’m a bend don’t break person I’ve bounced off a many a things checking for cracks and fractures. They say the ones that go through life having never broken a bone always go through a harder time with their emotions and mental health issues. Still, I feel like I got the better part of the deal on that one. I’ve cracked my brain a few times but at least I can still walk and climb. I’m lucky, my lifestyle is not a sedentary one. How many people can say they’ve been hit by three cars and walked away without a scratch?

Tangent

Sorry – coffee

I’m not sure what or where my life will go towards next year.

But

I’m listening

With my heart, soul and mind.

I’m listening

Should I stay or should I go

I enjoy my deli. I’m not a fan of my parking lot limiting access to it. Also it takes more than a fresh coat of paint to liven me up. I like to tear shit down and reset. It’s fun but expensive.

I’m not only listening I’m watching for signs. I’m depending a lot on my trail markers. Trail markers are what got me here in the first year place. Some flash before my eyes while others are much more subtle. It’s the subtle ones I’m looking for.

Chadcuterie turns 6 this year.

6

Trail markers built chadcuterie. I’m not going to break that one down again here, I’m not writing an essay today but they did. After one complete year I told my wife I was going to focus on a storefront after my third year if it remained successful. 2024 I opened Grazeland. All I did was go with the flow of my life. If I had a slow week, in my head I’d think- “I guess this is it, it’s over.” And then the next week I’d get my ass handed to me. The deli is the same. I’ll go a whole week pulling my beard hair out and then get a phone call for 50 lunch boxes for the next day or a last minute grazing table. Each time it happens I have to remind myself to let go of control and just flow.

Stop fighting the current.

Sit in stillness and listen

And I do

Current

I guess I’m currently sitting in the current. Sounds odd when you put those two together in one sentence.

I’ve got 52 charcuterie boxes going to a farm this evening. Today is already a good one and I haven’t left my house yet. I recognize the reason to be grateful. I embrace it daily.

But

Something is pulling me elsewhere. Has been for a while. Not like a leash. More like a tributary. I’m flowing pretty good. I’m being told to look for forks. No, not those you know how I love my metaphors. I spend many a times in the mirror asking my reflection to help me remember who I was before everyone told me what to be.

I don’t dislike the deli but how many times can you watch the same tv series over and over before it no longer makes you lose interest. The charcuterie/deli is just an extension of the service industry. The Restaurant River. I’m indentured in a faceless servitude.

That was negative and not intended.

This industry has taken care of my bank account at the expense of my mental health.

That’s all

I look at my long tenures

Hyatt 3 years

Blockhouse 3 years

Arizona 16 years

Southern Culture hospitality 8 years

And now charcuterie 5.5 years

That’s my whole resume y’all. Theres some vocational crumbs in between the seats here and there but this makes up my professional life.

All tributaries seem to lead to other service industry options. I’m seeking a different one. I may be 100 miles away right now. I have to ride the current which is what I’m doing.

Currently

I’m at ease. Why? Because for the first time I trust the current.

I’ve fought it in the past and lose every time. John Cougar should redo his authority song “I fight the current and the current always wins” because it does. So awhile back I said fuck it, grabbed and inner tube and took it for a ride. That’s where I am right now

Currently

Hundreds of hours of meditation will change a fellow. I want to do more fasting. Have you tried fasting in this industry? It ain’t easy when you surrounded by cheesy. Man I love cheese.

Currently

I’m lying on my back in the river. Toes sticking out of the water in front of me. I’m riding the current with a little smile on my soul.

Currently, looking for my tributary.