I’m in a good zone. I spent my weekend hanging out with an old friend of mine from my Hyatt days in the early 90s. Whenever anyone asks how we met I often say “we lugged luggage together”. If you’re a fan of Justified, the TV series one of the last quotes when Raylan Givens describes his longtime relationship with his antagonist Boyd Crowder he replied “we dug coal together”. Justified is one of my favorite series of all time. As a straight man I will admit that Timothy Olyphant makes me moist. Shane and I shared the same side of the coin for a bit, hauling luggage when we were 19-20. Shane always made me laugh at work and still does to this day. I have found that the older you get the more your friends priorities change. It’s a trail of life we all come to accept. When I arrived at the campground I let the camp host know I had another friend coming and he said everything would be fine unless it was a bus load of friends. I responded with “I no longer have enough friends to fill a bus” and he was like “Hell son I don’t have enough to fill that bench outside the office. It’s a part of growing old” I don’t get called son that often anymore. Especially from a man who’s probably 10 years my elder. I rarely dress or act like a 54 year old man but I don’t look 40 either..

But

I got the old timers point. Friends are paramount in a healthy life and society. It’s when you realize the number isn’t as important as the love you receive from them. I got a lot of friends. I’ve got a small handful I can count on. In all honesty it’s all I need. I used to measure my popularity by the number of seats that were filled for my birthday celebrations. We’d fill up a whole bar. The last few years have been with my wife and daughter. My 53rd was the three of us at a small table in a semi fancy steakhouse. It’s the one I always think about over the others. My next one is in three months and I hope it’s the exact same. I’ll hang with friends anytime. I love my friends and I’ve been blessed with some good ones. Growing apart is accepting your love still exists but precious time chews it up and spits it out. Shane and I recently found a bond where we can still take time out to enjoy our friendship and I’m grateful for it. I don’t always go camping to seek solitude. It’s just as beneficial to share some of that energy with others. This was our fourth camping experience together in the last two years.

I’ve found as you get older your focus or at least mine turns toward love. Maybe as your gears begin to grind down over time you start to lose your jade. I spent many a year jaded for things that I was responsible for but blamed it on others. Reminiscing on hate and bitterness is a sour way to walk around. I find myself saying “love” more than “hate” in fact I try to make it a point to not use that word hate anymore. I no longer allow it to set my precedence for the day. I’ve gotten rather attached to this feeling of love and I’m not letting it go. It’s really the only thing I haven’t let go of. I’m in a good spot mentally. You can mend your mental mood swings over time. I’m walking, living, shitting proof.

Yesterday I paddled to an island with a small daddy long legs riding along on my board. It would hide under my water seat I brought with me for the ride and pop out occasionally while I sipped coffee in the middle of the lake. My concern for a small insect’s safety was much different than it used to be. 6 years or so ago the spider would’ve been thumped into oblivion or an easy toe crunch under my shoe. I made sure it found some sanctuary after I pulled back onto land. I literally walked it back onto land and watched it wander off.

A spider

This is the same guy who wrestled all week with the urge to drive three hours back up a mountain to find a chicken who hung with me for two days.

It’s a vibe watching the clay you’ve been molding for a few years slowly come to life. I’ve been deliberately curating a new me for a large chunk of my 50’s.

I’ve opened my mind to so many different things during this process. A faucet of love.

It’s my new facet.

You ever sit still with tears streaming down your face from gratitude? I could go live right now.

You begin to hit on some points in your life without even trying. I’m here now riding the wave. I’m keeling even right now. Spending a couple of days in the mountains with a friend can do this and it did. I’m relaxed and intend to hang out with this emotion for the rest of the day.

And now I can store it to use for another day whenever I want. My body is still a little crooked from paddling, hiking and sleeping out of my truck. It feels like I’m digesting an amazing meal.

Letting life flow. I watched the ripples in the lake for half an hour yesterday morning with a cool breeze and not a single boat on the water. As an early riser, you sometimes get the whole world to yourself. I sat by the campfire while my buddy fished on the lake shore line. I had Marshall Tucker band on my little speaker dangling off my tailgate. Belly full of food, giant fucking smile on my face.

That’s my life now folks. I’ve found it. It makes me want to cry.

In a good way.

*humble brag

I made a friend with a spider for God’s sake. Who am I now?

I’m gonna go for a walk before work. I’m gonna smile the whole way.

Later gators