Two days ago I posted a quote that said “Anything that triggers you needs healing”

We all have these little tripwires inside of us that can make us snap at times. Whether it’s anger, sadness or some other emotional/physical response. I’m stepping over tripwires all the time in my head I know where most are although some are well hidden.

I’ve spent the past 5 years identifying and loosening those triggers to help cope with my emotional issues. It’s taken practice. Hours of meditation and self therapy. I made the mistake of trying to suppress my emotions for a while, you know turn the other cheek things and that didn’t work out for me. Emotions need to be released, if you’re mad let it out, if it’s sadness building up, cry your ass off.

Acknowledge the emotion. Talk to your emotional state while not reacting emotionally. Yeah that sounds like trying to scratch your ass with your nose but what it means to me is I try not to base any decision making while I’m under intense emotional pressure.

Easy example- I wanted to lock the door to my deli yesterday over a $800 fine.

We’ll get back to that.

I tripped over my biggest tripwire in 2020 during the Covid lockdown. I’m not delving back into this shit again I’m only bringing it up to explain why my knee jerk reaction is to burn everything to the ground whenever I feel like our government’s bureaucracy oversteps its authority. Which is 99.9% of the time but only sometimes does it make me grit my teeth. I hide no doubt that I’m not a fan of politics or bureaucracies. Watching your three businesses crash and burn while big box retail was raking in billions during Covid will turn you into a militia minded maniac. One day you’re serving brunch for 400 covers and the next you’re begging folk to come grab a styrofoam box (that went up 300% in cost in one week) for a $200 day. All the while saying the key phrases our government already had in their back pocket.

“Flatten the curve”

“Social distancing”

“New norms”

“Lockdowns”

They sat us down, put a spoon of shit in our mouths and said “sit there and shut up”

I let that all that out on purpose. I tripped about 4 tripwires yesterday and I’m still cleaning up the mess. All because of one phone call from the department of agriculture. Those departments- all of them are filled with people with ashen personalities and no souls. Would you want to make friends with anyone you’ve ever met at a DMV? Didn’t think so.

I got mad yesterday. Burning mad. I wanted the home address of the lady that called me. I wanted to go to her home and show her what it’s like to have $800 ripped from her hands for a ridiculous infraction. “Hey where’s my front door?”

I threw it away. Let me know how that feels to nervous system.

I know I sound a tad harsh but I was trying to think of a way of taking my $800 out of someone’s ass. True fucking story.

Also I started that morning off by breaking my headphones. The same ones I’ve worn every single day for the last two and a half years. I’m like that guy from There’s Something About Mary. I love my headphones and my music. Those headphones helped me fix a lot of things in me. Or they stood by for emotional support the entire time. I’m currently wearing my wife’s headphones.

My wife just for a minute let me say she’s always my first text when I’m angry or sad.

That means she gets a lot of texts from me.

I recognized my triggers were snapped yesterday but I still had to let it out. As I was texting her I kept reminding myself that I still needed to protect her energy just as much as mine. I used to not think that way I would use her as my mental punching bag. I’d throw it all at her. Not angrily just emotionally. I did a little bit yesterday but I made sure I didn’t bring it home with me. I made one last comment when I got home and then stood in my shower for 10 minutes rinsing the emotions off.

It works if that’s your intention.

My wife had already updated her headphones to my phone, she chose to pick up dinner without the back and forth between us about decisions. She basically tucked me into my sofa seat and kissed me on my forehead.

She knows me better than anyone. By 6:00pm I was back down. 99% because of her.

5:45 I still wanted the world to burn.

Am I still mad? I’m heated but I’m under control.

Shit happens. The deli has been steady it’s not going to close my shop down by any means just

Just

Stop taking hard earned money out of people’s pockets. I took my time making a pretty swell layout yesterday at 6 in the morning. It looked great. The people loved it.

The check they gave me will pay for that fine.

I’m fine. I really am I’ve got another big table today.

But

Those overreaches keep coming I’m building a tank.

Jk?

Yes of course I’m writing for entertainment purposes only.

Ring my Bell is playing on my headphones right now. Not fitting the mood.

So my If anything triggers you needs healing is quite accurate. I’m not healed by any means but I’m very aware of my triggers. I know how to deal with them for the most part. I let off some steam while my head lets me know that it’s deliberate and not reactionary.

That’s important to me.

For me

I didn’t shut my deli down. Man I sure thought about it though.

I’m full of knee jerks. I always keep that Trapper Keeper in my hands to swing at anything (old school bus bullying reference. Read more of my shit)

I only wrote this to shake out the remnants that were still left in my head from yesterday. I’m good I really am journaling is therapy.

Gotta head to work to get my money back from yesterday.

Peace ☮️