Bought my real first camera yesterday. Well ordered the body for one on Amazon. There are no camera stores on this side of town other than Best Buy and well their inventory is mostly computers and phones nowadays. I’m not a camera person so I researched for a few weeks and opted for a fujifilm that is user friendly but still able to upgrade with some lenses that cost a car payment.

I’m following my trail markers

I’ve always enjoyed photography it was the reason why I scrolled on Instagram before it became a multi ad agency. Can’t wait to take some pics of rocks and shit

Looked at some of my old memories on Facebook. On this day in 2020 we’d just wrapped up our holiday party at LTO. A month later a germ would come and fuck it all up. I recall my mind at the party that night feeling distant from the festivities. I wasn’t quite Lt. Dan on New Year’s Eve but I wasn’t vibing. Couldn’t feed into the energy. It could mean anything but I feel like I was already leaning towards the inevitable separation. I don’t harp on these moments anymore this is more looking back on my transition of things to come.

I also acknowledge of how it annoying it was to refer to my staff as work family. That term annoys me now. That’s not to say I wasn’t close to anyone I have about 6 to 8 people that I’ve remained in contact with after all this time. One or two of them actually support my deli. Two of them still work for me.

My real take – I wanted to be the best boss in the whole world. A player’s coach. After my brain cooled off from all of my self indulgences and ego I saw I fell short on several things.

I’m not looking back and beating myself up about it. I’m only acknowledging. Lesson served lesson learned.

I cared and I tried until I didn’t. By the last year I was walking people out the door on a regular basis.

Man that seems like so long ago. Even now I’ll catch myself with my one employee and offer an apology for my behavior.

*turns big fat page

Simply Red – Holding back the years is in my ears currently.

“Well I’ve waisted all my tears”

“Wasted all my years”

“I’ll keep holding on”

I’m fine y’all. I’ve alchemized these memories into life lessons. It’s quite healthy.

I’ve also been on an 80’s new wave kick lately.

Had some old memories picked up and taken to the dump yesterday. I’m sort of an everything has a soul person. All matter is energy so why not? I threw out some things I built for my old camping set up, an old painting and a workout setup I’ve had for a decade.

Memory is attachment. Attachment is emotional. I sat outside in my garage for a moment and looked around and thought “this is how easy things can go away”

Just like that. Things that were a daily part of my lifestyle.

I didn’t watch the game last night. Not a single play. It took a minute to figure out who won on social media all the clips were focused on the little scuffle at the end of the game between two players. If this doesn’t fairly represent our media coverage then I don’t know what does. I finally saw a good clip of Mendoza making his picture perfect leap over the goal line and that was the entire game for me. 17 seconds of football and I’m good.

I have my weekly coffee date with my favorite teenager today. Gotta go warm up the truck.

Peace.