Sometime between 5-6pm exactly 16 years ago my life changed forever. My daughter Lillian Eva Gangwer was born in a small hospital room at Saint Francis hospital. It took her a minute to wake up probably the longest minute of my life but when she awoke it was a healthy little scream. My brain pinged and my dad instincts began running full speed.

Sweet 16. I’ve been told by quite a few of my parental friends that I would lose my daughter’s delight for a few years during her teens and I’m still waiting for it. I’ve made it my life’s mission to raise my daughter to the best of my abilities. If there’s anything I can say about that is I’ve strived everyday to hold that to my virtue. Granted I’ve had the best of help over those 16 years. I was mostly absent for half of those years trying to sustain a business. I made the decision 5 years ago that my family came first from here on out and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Watching Lily grow into a young woman has been like reading novel by my favorite author. From picking green beans out of her hair to making sure I don’t mess her hair up when I give her a hug everyday I’ve been in a wonder. I miss the bedtime stories but I do occasionally get her head on my shoulder when we are together on the couch. We have a coffee date once a week and now I’m self conscious because the baristas make conversation about it when we come in.

I hope the coffee dates continue well into her adulthood though.

I love this child with all my heart y’all.

One of the reasons why I stopped drinking is because she used to draw pictures of me with a glass of vodka in my hand. That’s how she associated with me and my “hobby”. She’s half the reason why I’ve been trying to grow myself into a better person.

That’s what love does to you.

I wince at her adolescence at times knowing she’s slowly becoming her own person. I miss the 8 year old girl who wanted to do all the things with me. Shop with me, hike with me, ride with me. I’m watching her evolve into a young woman. Dresses like one.

Acts like one. Sometimes too much.

She’s grounded like her mother.

She’s smart. Haven’t figured out where that came from yet.

Jk

Listen y’all, she’s just a sweetheart. She’s a good soul. Some old and some new. She listens to old school country music like her dad does. 80’s pop and some of the newer shit that I can’t tell you who sings it.

My wife and I were talking about something just yesterday and she said “at least they like Lily” and my immediate response was “who the fuck wouldn’t like Lily?” She’s the nicest kid you’ll ever meet.

I love how she enjoys her own company and time.

She’s bullheaded like her grandmother. Strong willed and indifferent to things that seem to bother the rest of us. I think this generation and the one under it will be the ones to pull away from all the bullshit.

Sometimes while I’m sitting on my sofa I find myself just staring at her thinking “I can’t believe I helped make this”.

And then she’ll look at me and say “whut?” In her teenager voice. Oh I do get some eye rolls and the occasional “ok Roland” when I come across as boomerish. I’ve never laid a hand on this kid. I popped her bottom one time when she was two and I wanted to move a thousand miles away to keep me from ever doing it again. It wasn’t hard enough to even register a small slapping sound but she thought it did.

She’s into boys now. This is where I have to evolve and grow up a little. Am I protective? Well no shit I am.

But

I have to slowly release my grip on the dad shield. I’m happy when she’s happy. I know her heart will get broken eventually we all have to experience it.

Endure it.

I have never not cried when she cries she just doesn’t get to see it. I hope she has a good time finding love. I won’t step in between as a father I’m here to support and protect when necessary. That’s all I need to say.

I trust my daughter’s judgment. Doesn’t mean I won’t be giving my opinion though. Lord have mercy on anyone that may disrespect her. I’m from Piedmont.

She’s taller than her mom and grandmother now. I have to raise my heels to give her a kiss on her head.

Sixteen. What a life this is man. I still crave the pint size version of you sitting in my lap while we read Where The Wild Things Are. Or making you sprint to the car when I picked you up from Duncan Chappel elementary. Giggling while you ran dragging your backpack.

Man this kid makes me cry at the drop of a hat.

*wipes a tear

It’s weird as a pre parent I always said I’d raise my child with a strong work ethic. Work hard. That’s how I was raised. It’s beneficial at times. I had someone at the deli last year remark about my daughter sitting in my little break room while we were a little kid busy “you should get Lily to come out and help”

Nah

Play your heart out kid.

Because once you start working you never stop.

I lost a lot of my late childhood to work. Live your life undomesticated kid. It’s how it was intended. I’m probably a small fraction of parents that tell their kids to take a break before you assume college is next. Don’t fall into the trap. I get a lot of weird looks from other parents when she tells them that.

Play your heart out Lily.

Happy birthday my kiddo. I’m living my best life because of you.