I’ve been in a mental rut this past week or so. Could be a little longer I suppose I haven’t paid much attention to my stagnant state of mind until recently. Lethargic would fit this bill.

Pensiveness loading maybe. I don’t know man. Nothing seems to fit, my toe still hurts from smashing it two or three week ago. Deli hasn’t been my favorite place lately. I’m in between compliance and wanting to change all my things. I’m fickle as they get y’all but sometimes you have to throw out your life wardrobe and start over again.

Once again I’m feeling change coming about me. Often times it’s comfortable and I keep my flow but sometimes it’s like a big itch I can’t scratch and here we are.

Right now

I’ve been trying to disassociate with social media and I watch my business drop significantly. I could only be my timing but it gets in my head when it does this. I quit writing so much about the deli because work Chad needs a break during this time of year. It’s not a big deal I’m coping with the upcoming box orders this season. Work for me? Somedays it’s hunky dory and other days I’m staring off into my office asking myself “what’s next?” not because I’m ready for the deli phase to move on because I’m really not prepared for that. Something keeps yanking my chain that there’s more that I’m suppose to do and the deli is temporary.

Big fat trail marker blocking my pathway.

Or lighting it up. Either way I ain’t going backwards again.

I’m not meant to

Who’s telling me this? Man that’s a good question. Whoever is posting the trail markers. He’s terrible with communication.

I’m about to go on a camping gear purge. Doesn’t mean I’m slowing down my hobby or cutting back. My guy in me is encouraging me to cut back on material things. I love my camp toys. I love my hobby inventory. I just get carried away sometimes.

Put my trailer up for sale if anyone wants it. It’s on marketplace. I feel like I’m selling my friend. My second home. It feels necessary. It may not sell. If it doesn’t I’ll keep it. I can haul a lot of gear and it’s a great set up if you like having a hub while you camp for a week. I’m not writing this to sell my trailer. but sorta am

When I first started camping out of my truck it was just me and my truck bed. A cooler, duffel bag, yeti box for camp cooking and a Coleman stove. And a chair. Sometimes my tailgate was my chair. I’d pull up to a campsite, open my tailgate pull out my chair and cooler that would double as a table top and that was it. 5 minutes tops I was done. My memories popped up of when I went to Colorado for 8 days in 2020 and I slept on a futon mattress in the back of my truck bed.

Probably my favorite trip. Not because of the setup but more the simplicity and freedom. I’d pull over in the middle of nowhere and hang out of my truck tailgate. Sip on a few vodkas and watch the sunset. Dinner was a quick MRE over my Coleman and then I’d drift off in a drunken slumber. I miss some of that obviously not all of it.

I miss that feeling. Not the vodka part the placement of that sentence wasn’t the best. I mean I miss the vodka too I’m an alcoholic but it’s not allowed to play with me anymore. And vice versa.

I’m pushing towards that style again now that I’ve gotten about 30,000 miles of traveling and about 200 days of sleeping around the country.

Not quite the same way I used to do it. I don’t enjoy lying horizontally for hours while it rains outside of my truck. Awning is a must and so is headroom. I’ll also never give up my Jetboil. Just ain’t happenin’.

Falling in love with traveling is like a long distance relationship. No good explanation really other than I love it, I miss it and sometimes it feels like it’s a thousand miles away.

I’m on day two of trying no medias. Yesterday went well until about 4pm when I put some shit for sale on marketplace and scrolled for a bit. I’ll pop on fb to post this and then dissolve back to reality because Facebook ain’t it.

Same shit. Everyday. Ever wondered wtf you used to do with your free time before cellphones? I find myself staring off into my living room abyss. I had my AI break down the Nag Hammadi into gnostic terms for me to decode.

What the fuck are you talking about Chad?

Life’s wild man even when you’re just sitting on your sofa trying to figure out where you’re gonna land next.

Zero anxiety. I’m being truthful. It’s kinda fun wondering where the next train stops. It may not who knows?

I’m in control I’m just not driving the train.

Let me be able to build a campfire wherever it stops.

While it sit on my tailgate.