Words and key phrases I have placed inside of my mental attic.

Hustle

Nose to the grindstone

Grind

Work hard to play hard

My mental attic being the chamber of old beliefs and philosophies that directed my life in the past.

I don’t focus on how much time is left for me to do all things I should’ve done

Could’ve done

I like being still. I don’t mean sitting on my rear end on my sofa although that’s my current location and I’m quite fond of that activity also. I like my mind being still.

Active but still.

I don’t look at my work calendar and fret over orders not coming in at a rapid pace.

I don’t look at my watch and wonder where my lunch rush is.

I don’t mind having a sit in my little recliner at the deli when it’s slow, man it used to bother me when I’d lounge around at work. I’d get exhausted at Southern and take a 5 minute snooze on one of the sofas by the fireplace in between shifts and feel like a POS for resting my feet. Didn’t help that my old busy body dishwasher would take candid photos of me and send them to my partner while I napped. That dipshit could never grasp that someone wearing a chef coat was also the owner.

As a manager I always strived to be the best

As an owner I tried to kill myself hustling to be the best.

I got to be the best at a few things but the crown falls off quick. So does the fanfare and success and that’s how I used to rate myself as a human being. If I worked the extra hours, spent more time procuring new content and food I’d stay right at or near the top. All I did was chase what wasn’t mine. If I caught up to it there would be another rung to climb, another apple dangling from a branch that I wanted to reach for. All the while the real fruits of life were falling to earth all around me while I was clinging to a thin branch.

I look back at three decades of my career and I don’t see hours of grinding, hustling and sacrifice as a badge of honor.

I see it as a lesson. A lesson that I shouldn’t have follow the paths that were imposed on me since grade school.

The harder you work the more successful you’ll become

Nuh uh

It used to drive me crazy when I had lazy employees. Every employee that didn’t hustle as hard as me was lazy in my eyes.

I get exhausted thinking about that mentality.

That guy.

I was manufactured into that mentality. Domesticated to doing things

Enslaved my own mind and anyone that worked under me.

Work ethic is important don’t get me wrong.

But you can’t force it.

You can’t force it.

I remember getting yelled at for leaning by the grill after 9 straight hours of slinging food.

I remember yelling at employees for leaning at their stations too. Man I gave back as good as I got because that’s how I was taught.

Barking at staff for no sense of urgency. I’d give an appendage for no sense of urgency.

Summer in the charcuterie business will keep you on your mental feet. It’s feast or famine during the summer months and it used to get in my head when I’d have a slow day. I remember not so long ago I had 8 people come in the deli all day.

8

The old Chad likes to pop his head out every once in a while to see how things are going when I have idle time.

“Need me to change the menu around? You know I’m good for it”

“Should we post more on social media? Sales are sliding, your forecasts aren’t casting.”

“Dare I say a rebrand?”

Nah

The week after the 8 people came in my sales doubled for that week.

I didn’t have to hustle

I didn’t have to make 10 posts on social media.

The only thing I’m struggling with in my mind is my lease is up in two years. Will my focus and energy for this business continue or fade?

I don’t make it a secret that the service industry is not in my passion wheelhouse. I thought it was but it’s not. It’s inspired me to do a lot of other things and I gave it a shot. One day I will completely divorce myself from this vocation. It’s apart of my journey. What’s next? I can’t say but in my heart I know there’s another chapter coming. Perhaps it’s what it’s all been building up to.

A quiet crescendoing

I can’t tell you what’s next that would imply that I actually know what’s next..

I’ve reached my goal in the service industry not the apex not the zenith but my goal. The top was not where I was suppose to land because I feel like that would mean I would be compelled to further maintain.

The top isn’t always the best option. The top doesn’t always mean you won. It’s taken me a minute to adjust to that. I’ve come in second or third place in more things than I’ve won but you’ll only see the blue ribbons hanging around me. Or used to anyway.

Ribbons no longer define me.

Don’t get me wrong I do smile when people come into my deli and tell me my sandwiches are the best in Greenville. They just no longer have to be if that makes sense.

It’s a paradox for me somedays

I look back and acknowledge that I busted my rear for a good cause. I maintained relevance through hard work and dedication. With a twist of creativity. God knows the ego wants relevance.

I also look back and see the years of domestication absorbing 75% of my life. My real life. We aren’t meant for that. Stop pushing your kids to believe it.

Work ethic – yes

Controlling your way of life? – fuck no

I was terrified when I separated from my old company because I thought I was too old to start over.

It wasn’t a separation it was a graduation.

I literally dont care where my career takes me it no longer defines me. Don’t you fucking dare put my occupation on a headstone.

That’s not meant to be aggressive. I’ve only separated myself from the system. Do with it as you please.

My life is just beginning yall.

Peace and elbow grease.