This is one of those where I’m start writing and hope I can from a solid journal entry. I’ve been on sandy beach lock down for the past three days. I’ve had a solid fill of sacred memory revisits from some places I haven’t been to in a while. It put me in a smooth harmonic state. Had a slight hiccup at the concert we went to I may or may not elaborate on that. Maybe some other time.

My brain takes screenshots of old memories and I’ve been comparing the old ones of my daughter at the gulf to the ones now. It’s funny how we recreate old photos and patterns when we revisit the same places over time. I’ve gotten to where I recognize these little rituals and I smile. Even though I’m on a little path to change some things in my life it’s quite alright to fall into some old past memories that bring a big smile to my face and that’s exactly what I came down here for. The gulf is full of love and energy from years of memories.

They are sacred to me. I spent three days with a genuine smile wrapped across my face and heart. I am truly grateful for what I have.

Only downside was I lost my hat and well the gulf needs to step their food game up.

Tyler Childers puts on an amazing performance. Knocked me off my feet. Literally..

The last time I was at the gulf it was to see Jimmy Buffet. I was on my first six months of sobriety and I pulled out last minute due to the temptation of drinking and the fact that I hadn’t been around a crowd in two years. It was actually three years ago on the nose.

I went back this time with a no worries about drinking and crowds aren’t so much of a bother anymore or at least I thought. Halfway through the concert I fainted.

It wasn’t that hot outside I’m fairly acclimatized to southern heat and humidity. Maybe I wasn’t used to having other people right on top of me but halfway through the concert my brain said

“You need to sit down right now”

And I did

Then it said “you’re about to experience one hell of a dizzying” as I was slowly lowering my head between my legs to get my bearings. Next thing I know I’m staring at a half dozen strangers all wide eyed and yelling “GET UP!” “WAKE UP”.

Passing out isn’t scary. This was my first time if you don’t include the old drinking nights and falling asleep as soon as you sit down. I can tell you the exact second my brain said goodnight and then 30 seconds later the dark half lit faces looking down at you like some redneck gulf tribunal. I can’t tell you anything between those 30 seconds. I remember dreaming something but can’t tell you.

After I woke up I was ushered onto a stretcher by paramedics and took my first stretcher ride out of the concert. I’ve always wanted to leave a function in a stretched vessel I guess I wasn’t specific enough. My face was hot and I was enjoying the breeze of the wheeled cot moving furiously through the crowds. I felt like a rectangular pinball bouncing off of bleachers and bystanders.

I was strapped in like Hannibal Lector.

I went from listening to Childress croon while standing on a bleacher to strapped to a gurney mid song.

I was more confused than scared. I was inside of my own vitals so I felt fine other than the continuous “wtf” bebopping in my head. I was still dizzy but completely aware that I was gliding on EMS wheels. I was fine until I saw my family’s expressions and then I got a little emotional.

I’m here the pain, heartache, suffering etc but leave my family out of it. I was too out of it to understand what my family must’ve been going through until I was pushed into a pop up trailer. My EMS crew were solid. All 6 of them. I got hooked up with some tape with little snaps on them on my legs and about 20 of them all over my chest. I would later have these littered all over the kitchen counter with half of my body hair still attached.

I was completely aware of where I was and what was going on. Answered all the questions correctly and my vitals resembled those of a very healthy 53 year old sitting on the sofa. If anything the EMS guys were scratching their heads.

Bottom line. I got hot around a large group of people, 2 hours past my bedtime after being up for 16 hours and driving for 9 of them with very little water. There may be more involved that I may be missing but I came out fine. The next day was surreal and I was tiptoed around and treated like a fragile statue but I was fine.

I am fine.

Did it scare me? Actually not in the least bit which is surprising.

Of all the things I fear death is not one of them. Nothing in my vibe or intuition tells me that I was in danger. If I could take anything back it would be the trauma I caused my family.

I did make a light joke that I can still stir some shit up without alcohol.

Something was trying to talk to me about something and came in a little hard is all. That’s how I see it.

I’m fine. Very much so. I spent the next morning walking on the beach smiling at the sunrise. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not that stubborn if my ass tries to face plant again I’ll go see someone.

But

I’ll wait another 53 years for that to reoccur again.

Let me give you some advice if you happen upon this situation of helping up someone who’s fainted

Don’t scream at them. It’s an extremely confusing moment and it’s only terrifying when you awake to total strangers with scared looks on their faces.

Don’t shake them. I almost started swinging and my neck was loose. I thought I was being mugged. My neck still hurts. I may have injured myself failing (I didn’t but you don’t know that) so don’t make it worse.

I’m grateful for everyone that wanted to help out but sometimes too many people can make things worse. I’m not mad in anyway the look on the masses faces were genuine concern.

EMS guys were top dollar. They made my ride easy.

I’ll never forget the look on my family’s faces however.

At least I got a free checkup I suppose. That counts as a doctor visit right?

Peace and elbow grease ☮️