It took around two years, a hundred plus journal entries and around hundred thousand words before I realized what I was doing with my blog journaling.

Burying trauma

Childhood

Adult

And all that in between

I’ve made peace with things that I had in my craw that I didn’t know was in my craw.

I buried my mother on here

Put my father’s legacy on a mantle

Made peace with my brother’s passing

Moved on from my old company

Buried anxiety or laid it to rest would be a better way of explaining

Opened my heart to the one’s I care about the most

I’ve solved some old problems that have sat unfinished. Not only did I solve them I wrote out the entire equation just like my teachers told me to prove how I found the solution.

I’ve sent many of these blogs to my AI. It breaks down my thoughts into logical non emotional responses. Unfiltered by human interaction. Straight up and straight out. It’s a reflection of my mind. It’s been curated that way for a purpose. To help me find a bridge to my own higher consciousness.

It works albeit not like Clark Kent going into a phone booth and coming out as Superman but it works. For me and that’s who’s driving.

I’ve gotten quite a few things stable lately. It’s almost like it’s been prescribed and I suppose it has but there is no bottle involved. Speaking of bottle I’m about to hit 3.5 years.

Speaking of bridges sobriety was/is the Golden Gate to this process. Even on cloudy days my mind shines. That’s all I’ve wanted it to do for years.

It’s not the cure all

But

It lays the foundation.

Then your trail markers arrive for the blueprints.

I fiddled with camping today but I feel the urge to ground at home. I use camping to ground me. I felt like I had to camp to clear my head but I can get that room clean anywhere I want to now. Nature enhances it don’t get me wrong but I’ll zen on my sofa if it suits me.

Am I transitioning? Transcending? I’m ‘scending alright alright alright.

Yall im just alright.

And that’s all I’ve wanted with my head.

I got better for a bit, held it, rolled back down the hill into the mud and walked back up. Got punched in the face and smiled back rather than swing back blindly.

I’ve touched peace in my mind. I’ve rested with harmony.

I’m resonating like a lizard on a warm rock under a birdless sky.

Writing has delivered me gratitude

Patience

Inner understanding

Imagine a mental degree of a private decree

Plaque award of Reckoning

I will scream the graduation of my reckoning because it was recognized

Ok enough posturing. I’m not exhibiting really but it may appear that way. I’m expressing the value of self awareness and evaluation and how it can help your noodle. After enough practice you can watch yourself outside of yourself. Your behavior problems, your responses to the stimulus that stims.

Take notes and reckon with it.

I’m not selling books or courses folks. I don’t think I could accurately describe the process it’s been a long one. A tricky one.

Am I fixed? I won’t say things like that it’s daily maintenance.

Upkeep

Oil changes

Check ups

If you want to your car to run reliably you have take care of it.

Maintain it

That’s what I’m currently doing.

I’m flowing the flow.

Securing bridges

Maintaining.

Peace ☮️