Real quick

I didn’t really walk on it. I paddled on it.

Floated on top of it.

It’s the closest thing to walking on water that I’ve ever experienced and man oh man did I enjoy myself.

Little background about me. I can swim. I could swim to the gas station half mile from my house if I had to. I even participated in a triathlon back in 2012 while I was opening Southern. Also- Real quick, don’t train for a triathlon while opening a new concept.

Terrible mix.

Like I said I can swim better than the average person mostly because I keep my endurance level up and I’ve made it 53 years without drowning

I’m not a big fan of water. Open water that is. I’m also not a big fan of sticking my feet into areas I can’t see them. I think there’s a proverb or something encouraging that I’m not sure. I’ve witnessed three drownings in my early career of life and it stuck to me and stayed. Watching a young kid with water and vomit seeping from his slowly dying mouth will traumatize you. And it did me. Still does.

Always will.

Sorry for the dark visual but it gives you a little insight as to what I see every time I go to a large body of water.

I’ve been doing things to encourage myself to be more comfortable around water. If you were at the beach with me you probably wouldn’t notice. I don’t get antsy or nervous. I get in the water for a bit like anyone else but I’m not really enjoying myself. It’s sort of like eating a meal you don’t care for in front of polite company. I’m trying to remove all the trauma stickers I’ve collected over time. This isn’t a big one for me but for the last three months or so my trail markers have all been pointing to water and not the bathing kind. I like lakes, rivers, creeks and oceans. I love to soak my feet in rivers and creeks. I rarely get into the ocean unless the water is clear. I’m part of the Jaws generation and maybe it stuck with me too. I don’t go hiking in grizzly country at night either. Both are relevant.

Monster soup bro

But

I love the beach, the waves, the sand, smell and energy. All I need is my feet in the sand while I walk by the surf and I’m golden.

I can’t sit on a beach for hours but I can’t sit anywhere for hours so it’s nothing personal

I used to have a great kayak several years ago but I had to sell it to pay bills during the whole Dive N Boar era. Electricity > water sports.

When I abide by my recreational functions it’s usually hiking and cycling. Camping too obviously but my hobbies generally revolve around mountains and trees. I have a blow up paddle board that for some reason I can’t get to resonate with me. I use it. Can’t get my balance consistent on it which means I get discouraged. It’s a fair board. I’m not sure why we are indifferent to each other. It floats on water. Don’t know what else I should expect from it. I’ve taken it out a half dozen times. I’ve only had it for about two years. Maybe I don’t feel comfortable on something depending on inflation to keep me afloat. Seems temporary.

I got a ridiculously good deal on this new craft. I would’ve never bought it for what it costs in the real world but I’m a sales seeker. Or a cheapskate.. When I go to REI the first area I venture to is to the returns. Most of my equipment is purchased from that area. REI has a no questions asked return policy. Once a product is returned it’s marked down and restocked into the resale area. I’m here for it. I rarely return anything it’s a hassle for me. I feel like I broke an alliance.

This board was brand new. Never been opened.

But

It was sent to the wrong store and I guess it sat in the warehouse for so long they decided to knock it down 30%. It was in a 14 foot long box so all I saw was a sheet of copying paper with a drawn pic on it stating they had one in the back for X price.

I thought it was a decent deal but still out of my range. Two weeks later I went back to shop (Asheville REI) and it was marked off 50%. That got my attention again but still couldn’t swallow the price. Two weeks ago I was up there while camping and stopped by and well they were really tired of carrying that thing around and it dropped down to 70% off.

I had no choice. I bought it. I can’t believe no one else did. Even the employee who rang me up had a jaw dropping moment when he saw the price.

“Dude you’re getting this for a steal”

Me

“Indeed”

I wasted no time taking this out of the box when I got home

And then I wasted no time driving to Lake Jocasee the next morning to take it out for a spin.

Im embarrassed to say that I’ve lived 50 minutes away from Jocasee and have never dipped a toe in it’s water. I’ve scouted her campgrounds once but that was in the late fall. I’ve kayaked Keowee before and that was over 20 years ago. I’m a little surprised at myself for have never been in the water here. The place is truly beautiful. In my head it feels like it’s always crowded so I never go.

I’m quite the assumption maker.

It took some muscle memory and recall to figure out the best transportation mode. It’s a tad too long to haul out of my truck without falling out but I’ve been holding on to an old kayak rack that hangs about three feet behind my hitch. I dusted it off and put it to work. This works fine as long as I don’t have gear in the back of my truck.

The paddle board comes disassembled but it’s only three parts you have to install. A handlebar use to steer and keep yourself balanced, a snap on rudder and the drive train that sits under your pedals. Two cords attach to the handlebars at the bottom. They steer the rudder by pressing the “brake” levers left or right. It’s simple mechanics. Want to turn left squeeze left. Right? Squeeze right. It turns on a dime so hold on. It’s around 50lbs which isn’t terrible but when you’re walking 100 yards using a 12 foot board for one handed farmer walks just prepare yourself. You can buy the wheel accessories for about the same price as your power bill in the early summer. Hobie really enjoys their products.

It took me about 5 minutes to put it together. It’s not difficult at all and it can be assembled in about a minute but I was being methodical since it was my first try and I didn’t want the handlebars to fall off halfway across the lake or the drive train to sink to the bottom because I’m not going down there to look for it.

I pushed it into the water to get passed the rocks and hopped on. I fully expected a little bit of learning curve as I started to paddle. I figured I may fall off a time or two or paddle in circles trying to find my balance.

Nope

10 seconds after mounting the paddle board I was sailing across the lake at 4mph.

With a big freaking smile on my face.

You know the scene in Forrest Gump when he’s a child and his leg braces come off while he’s running?

His face at that exact moment when he realized he could run like the wind?

That was my face.

I didn’t just float I flew

I didn’t paddle I glided

You paddle just like one of those work out machines where you hold the grip in front of you and step down on the pedals. Elliptical?

That’s it.

Ride this baby enough and it’s auto buns o steel

First day I paddled 5 miles.

My legs and shoulders hated me for it but I didn’t care. I may throw a tent on it soon and see how far I can go in one day.

I stopped at few low spots and layed in the water. A hammock will accompany me next time.

As will a snack

If you saw an old man with a trucker hat, glasses, beard and a big goofy grin riding a surfboard with handlebars around the lake I can assure you it was me.

Dignity be damned I don’t care.

Now my camping trips will have to involve bodies of water. This thing will be riding shotgun with me wherever I camp. Hell I may sleep on the damn thing.

If I were to review?

Experience 5 stars

Balance 5 stars

Fun 5 stars

Life enhancement 5 stars

Smile 5 stars

I could use a cup holder next time.

Life’s beautiful yall.

Peace. ☮️