Yesterday was an extremely slow day. Slow days are the hardest for me at work because I go into auto failure. If it’s a good week then one shitty day doesn’t phase me but if the week matches the mood it gets in my head. I get into a state of lacking. I try not to respond to or stay this state for long it starts to get in my head. For anyone reading this you must be a subscriber so maybe 4 of you. Some I post others I don’t and I’m at the end of my string with social media especially Facebook. I write down my struggles to release them. Some may be too intimate to share so I write them and never publish them because it’s good to release to keep the ball from bouncing inside my head all day, week or month.

Yesterday was slow. Slowest I’ve had. The week? So far not so much yet but it’s been a snoozer too. Next week I’m balls to the wall I’ve got some good things on my schedule. For me it seems to level out overall but my old habits are always knocking on the door. All it takes is one below average week and I’m sitting on that deli sofa with a notebook in my hand, writing down ideas to generate more revenue, things I may be doing wrong, menu items that aren’t selling. It gets in my head. It gets there quick. It makes me a little difficult to be around and man I’ve been working real hard to not be a difficult person to be around.

It’s harder than you think for some of us. This brain of mine gets loud at times.

The deli isn’t going down in flames by any means

The deli ebbs and flows like no other. One week it’s crickets the next week it’s high volume but usually because of charcuterie. Market is slowly going wayside there is no point. Grab and goes do well but again it’s the consistency. I can make one batch of pudding and it’ll last 2 days and next week I’ll sell one and throw the rest out which I’ll be doing today. This industry is inconsistent I get it but this deli is wild. I have four customs, grazing table and another large spread for next week. This week I’m selling boxes on street corners to hit my forecast. It’s all part of the business yall. It’s not that I can’t maintain to hit my forecast. For me it’s the 30 year chase against that forecast.

Sometimes it’s just the verbiage that can trigger you. “Forecast”

Fuck you

I’m not down in the dumps. I’m giving myself therapy.

Write it down

Spit it out

Flush it down the toilet

Prepare for the “tomorrow is a new day”

Positivity is a choice. It’s just hard to choose when you’re still learning how.

And to be honest I’m still a little hot over some of my “hype” friends that still haven’t come by. Ten months I’ve been open.

I don’t look for charity I look for support. I’ve always been the supporter.

I did swallow my hardheadedness. I’m adding Two booth style tables to the deli. Had someone ask me why I didn’t have more seating and all I could do was look at the 10 empty stools in my deli..

“Ma’am I have 10 open seats. My capacity is 13”

“You need more comfortable seating”

“I have a 10ft leather sofa”

“That’s not seating”

“Lady, are you gonna eat?”

Anyway

As previously stated, I’m writing to get things out. It usually took vodka to do this. This is me drinking with words. Less holes in the wall. Just kidding I’ve never been a wall puncher. I’m currently renting.

Additional data that gets in my feels is when new people come visit and want to talk about my old places.

“Why did SC close?”

“We loved LTO!”

“Have you been to the new Greek spot where Habitap used to be?”

“Ooh is that Cuban just like LTO’s?”

I get it. This is how everyone associates me with everything. I always get “we loved that place” from a lot of people. On the outside I’m saying “thank you!”

On the inside I’m thinking you didn’t love it enough if you did there would stil be signs on the building.

Big misses:

When we opened Hab we thought we would kill it for lunch. Surrounded by professionals who need a lunch place nearby. Lunch averages for Hab was $300. Except for the weekends. Imagine forecasting $2k lunches and this is what you get. I broke my soul getting brunch in there to make up for it.

Southern? What a ride for awhile. Brunches never went down but here’s the problem. Greenville labeled us the place to get brunch so folks did. And then they stopped coming to dinner. $5k Thursday nights turned into $1500. Friday and Saturday nights the waits got shorter and shorter.

LTO? Look at how many times we rebranded that place. The quiet joke was LTO stood for “Limited Time Only”

Family milkshake joint -> burger bar -> sports bar with pool tables -> back to family joint

My knee jerk reaction is always rebrand or change it all. The deli pokes me with the same ideas. There’s a thin line between trying new things because you feel creative and then trying because something isn’t working. I’m in between those right now.

Again, the deli is moderately successful. My subconscious is trying to make up for all my past failures by making the deli appear that it’s underperforming. It’s a mental thing for me. I made sure I fixed all the potholes before I opened this business and for the most part I did. Except for the ones in my head. Another reason why I’m always trying to rewire my mind.

Listen, my food is good. Even if it’s only “sandwiches and charcuterie”. It’s my brand. I put everything into it. I take special care to insure you get the best product. From cold cuts, bread, market, sauces, dressings everything is made with care. I don’t own a freezer for a reason. I don’t have a microwave. When I get compared to certain places I just shake my head. Come watch what we do for one day and then go to that other place and watch them. Compare our ingredients, our procedures. And then notice that my pricing is still better. But let’s get upset that my seating isn’t cozy enough for you.

I was trying to adjust my roof rack on my truck yesterday and the wrench kept falling out of my hand. My assistant was outside with me. I’d drop a washer on the ground and spend a moment to find it on the asphalt.

“I can’t use tools like others. I can roll a blade around in my hands like it’s an appendage, I can peel veggies with a knife, make fruit look like geometry but put a wrench in my hand and my dexterity turns to shit.”

“I didn’t ask to be a food guy. I didn’t want to be a food guy. I got thrown in this shit and some how adjusted to it and then I got decent at it. 30 fucking years later here I am still doing it”

This is why I’m trying to rewire my brain.

Frustration gets to me and I slowly go into old Chad mode. I become reaaaal hard to be around. This is my passion, cooking isn’t my passion creativity is. Unfortunately food is the only creativity that pays my bills. I’m somewhat jealous of those of you that still have your fire for “cheffing”. I lost mine years ago. Just don’t take yourself so seriously like I used to.

The crash is intense

This is mental shedding for me.

I used to let it stew. I consider this growth. It’s hairy but necessary.

I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

☮️