Yesterday I woke up with a different vibe. It’s difficult to describe without spending a lot of energy trying to turn my experiences into words and at the moment I don’t quite have the clarity needed to describe it. I’ve had a difficult week, work gets in my head more than it used to. Stress surrounds me like deep mud in a endless swamp and it gets in my nerves. “Nerves” is a term my mother used to describe when everything bothers her. She took “you’re getting on my nerves” to another plateau. If she was frazzled it was because of her nerves. If she didn’t sleep well it was her nerves. Head cold? Nerves.

Headaches? Nerves

Taxes or gas too high? Nerves

I can recall talking to her recently in her early 80’s before she passed, she was talking to me about her arthritic hands and she said “you know why they hurt so much today? It’s my nerves!” I smiled at her. I could tell her mind was fading a little but she’s gonna keep those nerves with her until her last breath.

And she did

And then she passed them on to me.

She died when I was on day 26 of my sobriety. It tested my resolve but I held true.

But

her spirit moved on and her nerves decided to move into my place.

Thanks mom

Was that a tangent? Possibly. Some blogs I’ll hesitate and reflect to find how to get my introduction in and some I open my phone and start writing.

Guess which one I’m doing

I got something out of my system yesterday that needed to be shared with one very important individual in my life and I did. It was a good thing I’ve held onto for a while and I sat on it for a bit.

With it was a great exhalation. It brought balance to a difficult week and brought some harmony in my soul.

I had come across a 🔑. I had put it away until it was time to unlock a level I wasn’t quite ready for. I didn’t wake up with the notion of unlocking it, the build up was a week long but the release was four years in the making and it came out when it was suppose to. How do I know that? Well that’s the part I’m incapable of explaining at the moment. My brain said it’s time.

One thing I’d like to address rather offhandedly is I’ve been using the wrong word to describe what I’m trying to harvest during my meds (meds is my play date name for when I mediate because it’s truly my medication).

I’ve been throwing out the word instincts quite a bit and while I have been more in touch with these I think the word I’m actually trying to introduce into my patterns is intuition.

My intuitions are what building the foundations for my instincts, my reactions to them and vice versa. See? Told you I couldn’t explain it yet.

Your instincts might tell you that you should go for a walk in the woods. Your intuition tells you which path to take. I already know that walks are good for me. Now I’m fixated on where.

I’m not ready to walk this trail with everyone but as I slowly get more cozy with the notion that I’m slowly seeing things around me a little differently than I used to and possibly a little different than most of you might be experiencing..

If you hike then you are familiar with trail markers. Some are painted onto the trees while others are little reflectors nailed into the center of the base of trees often marked white, blue or red. The colors obviously are contrasted to nature so you don’t get confused. You don’t want to paint brown on a pine tree to mark a trail. That’s my only point for the marker colors. Our forest service does an excellent job of placing these in their obvious positions to keep you on the trail for 1. As to not get lost and die and 2. To preserve the flora and fauna that surround the area because let’s admit it, we are the most invasive species. Most trails are visibly obvious and easy to follow while some, if you are stretched out in some wilderness areas the markers aren’t as easy to follow. I can attest to these and often times there are no markers and this is why compasses are important but if you are familiar with these trails often times your intuition will help keep you on these paths. You still have to remain aware of your surroundings we aren’t talking about wandering blindly around in the woods counting on your instincts or intuition to guide you. This is how people die.

But

If you maintain focus and look for the trail markers you are less likely to fall off the side of a cliff or walk around in circles until you get tired and die. The latter part pertains to what some of us doing now. I can attest I did it for 90% of my life.

This is just going to get more and more difficult for me to relay on here as I’m trying to find my footing on this new path.

I wrote a little about algorithms the other day but never completed it. I do this quite often in fact I have about 30-40 of these floating around in Word press purgatory that I start with good intentions and can’t finish in time before I do adult things and then I lose my inspiration. A few I’ll come back to while others I’ll read aloud and try to figure out what in the actual fuck I was trying to convey.

Some things come to me when I’m on my meds (meditation I don’t take a single solitary med) and inside my noggin they make total sense but transcription of transcendence is a whole nother monster I haven’t grasped yet. It’s a completely different story in my head.

Where was I?

Algorithm is a trendy word now and it’s a big part of my current vocabulary and mindset. Just like you can control the algorithms on your TikTok’s and reels etc you have the ability to do so in real living and breathing life.

I don’t do much “doom” scrolling except for first thing in the am and the bedtime. My day in between is reserved for focusing on my daily routines. Sure I’ll go for quick scroll and weave in between all three medias mindlessly just to see if anything fun pops up but for the most part you’ll see my posts first thing in the am around 6 and then after 6 in the evening. This is my normal routine. It’s not exact but it’s consistent. I try to focus on better activities when I’m out and about. I’m hyper aware of my social media algorithms. As someone who’s profession is affected by these your mind tends to gravitate towards how you are building them brick by brick as they say. I have two IG accounts one being my professional account and of course the personal. The algorithms on both are completely opposite and I’ve created them that way. Chadcuterie algorithms are only food, food art and the occasional cat video because i sometimes post my cat in my stories on there. My personal is fairly predictable it’s filled with camping, outdoors, cats, music videos, truck accessories and sometimes women with provocative posts because IG has my personal info and thinks this pertains to me as do all the suggested advertisements in between. These are no secrets we are all well aware of them.

I can change my algorithms easily by not fixating on the other reels and toks that try to engage from the outside. I may be vibing to a song I really enjoy so I react it to get my algorithm to acknowledge that it’s my jam. Or some spiritual post that resonates with my mental awareness at that moment. The opposite side I’ll get some random violent reel of some poor soul getting ran over on their motorcycle or a cop beating the shit out of some guy running with a tv under his arm. These I will either scroll past quickly without engaging or even blocking the account because if enough of these enter your mind they will become part of your mental algorithms. As you come across these they will impact your thinking more. They will leave you with thoughts that will protrude into your daily thinking routine and impact the way you think and perceive things almost subconsciously.

In a rather simple way I’ve applied changing my algorithms in my own environment and reality. Without going off the deep end too much our reality is just the world as we perceive it. You’re the star of the show regardless of who else you align with or love. You’re still the writer, director and producer.

You’re the creator.

Don’t overthink this too much I’m not saying you manifested yourself into existence. I’m a cook for fuck sake I’m no theologian. I’m just now feeling some things out. I’m into year number four of winning a battle with mental health, addiction and releasing toxicity out of my life. My own private dissertation of rewiring my brain without prescription. I meditate to train my brain to maintain a safe mode to allow an easier passage of neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to adapt and change its structure and function in response to stimuli. That’s the biggest word I’ll throw on here for the day. Not too long ago I couldn’t even tell you what that word means and don’t get me wrong I’m not capable of breaking it down for you. I know it can be applied to victims of brain injuries. I’ve had my fair share but I use it for rehabbing my pickled brain.

And it works

Obviously removing the toxins from my body was the first and bestest, hardest part..

I’ve been creating my own chemical balance through the practice of harmonizing my thoughts with more positive frequencies.

Simply put, I believe you are what you think.

You’ve heard it in another way “I think therefore I am”

This is where I apply my path, my trail for manifestation.

I try to raise my awareness of my own physical, mental and emotional algorithms. For me it’s not any different than working on a shopping or punch list for the day. Things I want to add to my algorithms and things I want to remove to make my daily “scrolling” healthy and attainable. Or at least positive. Even with social media I’ll stay off on volatile days because I’m aware the negative energy will draw me in. Unfortunately vibrations will harmonize with negativity too.

If I sound like I’m all over the place it’s because I truly am. I’ve been working on being a spiritual pin cushion for the last three years. You spend as much time in the mountains with your eyes crossed as I do you can start to feel your mind shift.

Take it as you will. I might just be going a little crazy but it’s a better crazy than the other trail I was on.

Two years ago I would’ve never hugged a tree and now it’s imperative when I go camping. You spend enough time up there you’ll know when the mountains are being receptive and when they aren’t. My vibes are they aren’t wanting company right now.

I get worked up over some things most people would shake off rather quickly. An easy example, a kid pushing carts across the parking lot at Costco diagonally mean mugged me and muttered something at me for having the audacity to have my vehicle in its correct lane as I tried to pass him. I wanted give him a wedgie for about 3 days before I got over it. Good chance I may be triggered should I see the little shit there next week. Did it ruin my day? Absolutely not but sometimes it sparks my algorithms and then my head is on a swivel to focus on a hundred other things around me to piss me off. I need additional fodder to make my outrage make more sense. Right after that the cart I retrieved was stuckier than last time, the card reader didn’t acknowledge my existence, the line was ridiculously long and I wanted to unalive someone for driving only .5 mph over the speed limit in the left hand lane while staring down at their crotch. Chances are when I get back to work I’ll relay my experience to Barry and push my negative algorithms into his day. Restaurant depot? Dont even get me started.

But

My expectations of Depot are already assumed algorithms. I’ve already set my day into angry mission in my head, it doesn’t let me down. When I go to these places my mind is not in safety mode it’s in survival mode. There’s no absorption of positive vibrations I’m giving off negativity and anger towards something I haven’t even approached yet.

I’m working on that one. I’m acknowledging that I have a seriously negative reaction to that shit hole. See? Even in my writing here I’m maintaining a negative algorithm and alignment with the Depot.

I acknowledge that there’s a way to overcome this. It’s baby steps folks I have over a thousand restaurant depots feelings in my head and I have to reckon with them one by one.

Once again I’m all over the place.

I use the term trail markers to signify or represent how I see these algorithms. My daily reckoning with my mental health is the trail I chose to walk for the day. It’s not the same trail I walk everyday their all different because I don’t control where my mind wanders.

But

The more I train my brain to swipe away negative algorithms until I get to one that complements my mental health it shows up like a trail marker.

It truly does.

I watch certain things in the morning that trigger my emotions in an uncomfortable way or I’ll engage in my blog to release a stigma that I couldn’t shake the night before.

Ever watch one of those little feel good commercials that make you cry? A good happy feel good cry? If you can access one give it a try. Or something or someone that makes you cackle with laughter? Combine the two with your morning coffee. I know what triggers my emotions in this way. It’s my head I’ve had it my whole life. I do this on rainy days when I’m working to set my mind on a positive algorithm or at least in hopes of one. All this means to me personally is in the first half hour of my morning I’ve already experienced laughter and a good healthy cry. I liken it to an emotional oil change. I don’t do this daily. Just like my truck doesn’t need an oil change everyday but my brain has a lot of mileage. This helps. It’s setting my PH level up for a good day. One big happy alkaline battery.

Energized like the rabbit.

Social media gets to me nowadays. It’s the ultimate negative algorithm. TikTok is about the only one I enjoy and that’s only because I like the ridiculous wormholes.

To me the Earth is one harmonic vibe. It gives off a frequency that if you sit and listen to it you can physically feel it. It’s the queen bee to our hive. We all buzz the same if we are happy. The problem with social media is it causes us all to buzz in ways he aren’t meant to buzz. The world becomes volatile. It always has been we just haven’t had front row seats to watch it.

I’m trying to sell my tickets

I’m cutting loose things that shake up my algorithms. Each time I do that my trail markers become more abundant and more clear. The paths get easier to read. I do this through nightly and sometimes morning meds. Through meditation I go through my mind like I’m writing a story about my next day. I’ll visualize goals and achievements I want to obtain which begins my manifestation process. As I’ve said before manifestations are not magical. It’s visualization with appropriate actions. That’s a whole nother tangent and blog. It works y’all. It’s difficult but it works.

This is my intro into writing about the hippie shit that’s on my mind. I had a level up moment two days ago and I’ve been walking on clouds for two days. I’m incapable of accurately describing or measuring this feeling at the moment. Right now I’ll just call it a 48 hour tingle. My vibrations are harmonizing. Hertz is another one I’ve been experimenting with. Not even close to explaining this yet. I’m a jumble of instincts and intuition it’s hard to pinpoint where I am right now.

2025 I think there’s going to be a big shift. I can’t tell you why I feel that. It’s the same feeling when Helene came I knew we were going to get fucked by that hurricane and I didn’t even watch the news about it. You spend enough time hanging in a hammock in your head you’ll feel more things going on around you. Especially if you remove the poisons and toxins out of your head. That goes for the shit you eat too but I’m not a nutritionist or doctor so take that as you will.

The shift I’m referring to I don’t have any info or idea my intuition tells me to be ready. Doesn’t mean good or bad in fact if I pick up anything it screams enlightenment but that could just be me in my head too much.

I can definitely feel a shift in my thinking. Like exercising I have to implement it into my daily routine. It’s hard to tell someone how your mind can flip these little switches in your head.

Am I crazy? Most assuredly. I’ve been trying to find these markers for three years. Maybe my whole life before I added some dedication and meaning.

I hope Im able to push further into this it truly helps my mental health.

Rewiring your own brain.

Cogito, ergo sum