I get lazy sometimes while writing in this journal. I’ve started a subject about my psilocybin journey last week and a little story about my childhood at my old apartment complex. Both of those are dangling around half constructed while I write these short little mind pop ups. The pop ups don’t take much commitment or thought for that matter. It’s Sunday morning I made a ten footer yesterday and I had to make myself available for socializing since it was my lady’s 40th birthday. I spent two hours in a bar scene last night. Can’t recall the last time I did that and the last time I had spent more than two hours in this particular bar it wasn’t a good night for me.

The bar I’m referencing is my good friend’s Society. Obviously I wasn’t making reference to the bar itself for my bad night just my reckless behavior and affinity for drinking up half the bar which is what I did that night. In all honestly if I were to create a timeline for my reckoning that night would play significant part in my changing of the guard in my lifestyle.

No triggers last night and I wasn’t expecting any. It was my wife’s big 40 and I couldn’t imagine a better place for her to enjoy herself with 20 of her bestest of friends. If any of you read these I’m grateful for you support and making my favorite person smile.

At least until 8 when I went home. I left my wife in good hands. She has some amazing friends in her corner. It’s a testament to her character. Also might I add it was a little surreal to have my daughter at an adult celebration. As much as I want to encourage her to be her own I hope these gatherings don’t draw her into the same lifestyle as I had created myself.

My daughter is much smarter than me. I won’t try to barricade her from my fears my parents tried it with me and all it did was add gasoline to the fire.

Overall a good time to as had. I had my one allocated beer for the evening, enjoyed a juicy burger and patted myself on the back for wearing pants and talking to the public.

It’ll be awhile before I do that again.

Got express camping on my mind today. No tent, no double stoves for grilling or big awnings to sit under just my truck, chair and a jet oil burner for coffee and MREs. Fonta Flora brewery is right down the road from me so I may partake in their food trailer. In the old Chad days I used to drive up that mountain, stop at the brewery, chug two beers and go find a campsite to drink my bottle of vodka. Sometimes I’d pass out with my truck tailgate wide open. Wake up and expect to see bears sniffing my toes. I’d be so hungover I would forgo my hike that I drove two hours up the mountain to traverse and go home.

What a life

My mind has these thoughts in my head. The bars don’t trigger my wanting for alcohol but they do spike some old memories. I woke up this morning with some old hangovers on my mind. I got up at 5 feeling groggy only because I stayed up a little later and maybe the bar atmosphere took a little energy out of me. I know the socializing did but it was great to see some old friends. I wish it didn’t take celebrations to celebrate.

I need to socialize. My one full time employee is probably tired of my rants.

Shout out to Barry (my one full time employee) for being my pin cushion of random conversations and songs I sing to him on a hourly basis. I don’t think anyone else other than Jess can put up with that. 12 years that dude has stuck by my side even when I could only give him 15 hours a week of work in my old hotdog trailer.

It’s weird seeing some friends you haven’t seen in years. Your memories affiliate them in the time slots you spent the most time together or at least for me it does. The grays, the wrinkles, the ever so slight years of unobtrusive gravity slowly pulling things down on our bodies. Some of our glasses get thicker along with our cheeks and butts. This is life yall I’m not poking fun at anyone I’m sitting on the bench with you.

Aging is surreal to me. I’ve become a little obsessed with observing mortality and how fragile it is.

And birds. Not sure when birds became cool to me but here we are.

There was a camp spot I pulled up to last month that’s calling me for some reason today. I’m suppose to camp there tonight or at least my instincts are suggesting it. It was the one that got completely washed away. I didn’t like the energy that came from that specific spot when I first pulled up. To be honest I almost drove back home because of it. Now it’s calling me back. In fact it’s been calling me back since the morning I left it hence why I’m going back up that mountain today.

Instincts are wild man. Once you put away all the distractions and open your mind up they’ll start to talk to you more and more. If it feels like you have to do it then go fucking do it. Get back to me and tell me how it feels. Just bear in mind you don’t always get it right but when you do you’ll smile.

Listen to your gut when it talks to you.

No im not selling a course. This is all just for me. Im just keeping my door unlocked for you.

Mentally it’s been a weird week. The island is still glued to my mind and I feel like I’ve been looking on the outside of work while at work. Next week is a doozy already my intention is to loosen my mind in the mountains and then dive into the chaos.

Don’t forget to spend some money with our neighbors in WNC. Take a drive up the hill, buy some fun things and eat some great local food. The businesses up there are dropping like flies. I’ll be giving it my best shot today.