“I think I have about one year of this left in me”

I wrote that a year ago today. I didn’t have to look at my memories to know when I was in the headspace because it has become an annual interjection in my mind.

By this time of the holidays I’ve slowly acclimated to the high volume and long hours of “charcuterie season”. Although my busiest day is still 24 hours away I’ve bitten and swallowed the biggest pieces of the season. Christmas Eve is busy maybe the busiest but I have the right people in place to make it run as smooth as possible. Three veterans with four years under their belts we could do an additional 20 boxes if we had to but I prefer slow and steady wins the race. Also I have no clue as to what the deli side will do.

This season like the last three kicked my ass and is still currently doing so. You won’t hear me complain about my deli being busy I’ll always be grateful

My body on the other hand..

I wrote that last year after an exhausting day and I was frustrated and burned out.

Burned out on chadcuterie

Burned out on service industry

Burned out on toiling

It was today a year ago I mentally pulled the trigger on the deli. I had looked at some properties online for shits and giggles in the past but it was this moment I had told myself to shit or get off the pot.

Had I not opened the deli this would’ve been my last week/year of meats and cheese arts. I opened the deli to end the monotony of the assembly line career I had created. I found out after a couple of years that working on an assembly line was slow torture for me. And still is.

It was affecting my mental health along with working alone I was becoming a social recluse.

I was not doing well in my head. Keep in mind when I say these things they are not always meant to seem over the top or radical. I just wasn’t happy with my situation. I worked frustrated and sad. I’ve made it a point to eradicate these things when they pop up on my timeline. The whole “that’s life” philosophy is no longer apart of my thinking path. If I’m capable of changing it I will make every effort to and I did.

I love my deli. It’s an extension of me. I love the folk who work for me and the ones who support it.

I needed to do this to prove something to myself.

And I have

I wanted to open a business completely financed by yours truly and have the capacity of paying myself back within the first calendar year. We seem to be heading that way in shorter time (fingers crossed)

But

I doubt you’ll see me doing this for the long term.

What’s the long term?

Timeline?

What next?

Million dollar questions

All of them

Pipe dream, I’m writing travel journals off the back of my tailgate with a fun camera and a smile on my face

Maybe I’ll have relocated my business and expanded

Maybe the exact opposite. I like my space. Parking could be better but the rent is just right. A three year lease is not a long time though and commitment is a four letter word to me now.

Tethered is a term I used a lot without even realizing it

But so is manifesting

It’s intriguing to watch how your mindset changes as you get older. I’m not focused on accounts in fact I’m close to closing quite a few for my next reckoning. So many things out there to seen and I can’t seem to put my phone away to enjoy them.

Digital toxicity

I’ve said it before. Your perspective changes when that hourglass gets turned upside down. The sand moves faster. Your rainy days shrink into the fabric of what time you have left.

I know this current career takes two months out of my year completely away from me. November and December is just work and nothing else.

17% of my year.

It’s also about 30% of my yearly income.

What’s your time worth to you?

53 years and I haven’t found that answer but I know that every time I try to another grain of sand has deposited itself into that hourglass.

A grain I’ll never get back.

Tethered

You follow your heart and stomach more when you get older because you begin to trust your instincts more. We all have a thousand “should’ve gone with my instincts” moments that we look back on. If you pay close attention to them sometimes you learn a thing or two.

That’s where I am

I’m on my time and no one else’s

I post that ridiculous camper online not to get anyone to actually buy it for me. It’s my fun dangling carrot dangler.

I like to dream. I doubt I’ll ever own something like that unless someone tells me I can’t.

I ain’t seen a sunrise in a month and it’s been on my mind.

The old me would say “that’s life slick”

The other side stands up and says “look at that hourglass”

Tik

Tok

Drip

Drop.