One day I’ll figure out how to make a living with my feet dangling off my tailgate

Consultation, creative writing I don’t care what it is. My soul belongs there.

I hate the feeling of being tethered.

Listen I’ve got all my pride in that deli. All my creativity, all my passion but my heart is divided. Body doesn’t retain the fluid motions of rotating, bending, pushing sales. This industry is feast or famine. It keeps you on your toes and my toes are tired from putting all my weight on them.

How would you review your life if it was recorded like your car’s maintenance?

A human fax

-Oil changes

-Alignment

-Tire rotations

-Trade in value

I’m at 200,000 miles plus. That’s work mileage. The miles I went through working doubles, meetings, traveling when I used to.

Got my first oil change at 50.

And alignment

I waited too long for maintenance.

I don’t want to calculate the hours I spent hustling for work. It would surpass any other sum of activities in my span of life.

“What about sleep?” Yep! I average about 6 hours. A six hour work day sounds delightful.

I had my daughter at the deli two weeks ago. She was relaxing in the office. We had a good crowd. Someone mentioned I should make her come and and work and I replied “she’ll have more than enough time to do that when she’s an adult.” I’m gojng to allow my child to enjoy her youth as long as she can. School has her from 8-3:30. Homework consumes the next two or three hours. She’s in honors. She’s bright but I can already see the stress of juggling honors and her social life.

I’m not raising my kid to be a worker bee and I sure as fuck don’t want her to spend the majority of her life working as life speeds by.

Also

Try minding your business. We all have our own to reckon with.

I have my good thoughts and bads with Graze. They duel daily.

Overall it’s a big part of me. The good parts at least.

I’m having difficulty separating from the Covid, two back injuries, listeria bullshit, hurricane and power outage. Somedays I walk in and we have a solid day. I don’t even think about it. Others I’m bracing for “what’s next?”

It makes me restless. Restless = menu changes. I’m still seeking identity but the sky is clearing a little. That’s a good thing.

Listen

Don’t get me wrong. I love this deli. And I’m very passionate about it.

But

I love to ramble too. My rambling days are shrinking by the day.

Sorry yall I didn’t get my reset yesterday.

This could be considered a byproduct.

I’m just daydreaming folks. My mind has been in worse shape. I’m better at handling the tides than I used to be.

But

In the back of my mind I’m on my tailgate. That’s one thing I’ll try to instill into my child.

Buy a truck. So many practical uses.

It’s almost cool enough to head south and prop my feet up to a beach sunrise. That’s what’s on my mind along side about a half dozen sandwich ideas

Balance