Probably the biggest meal I’ve eaten in the past few years.

Humility

I used to pride myself on being a big deal. When you’ve been small change most of your life you can get quite a chip on your shoulder. In the service industry when I thought I was starting to peak man what a big head I had. Service industry is tough business and I was feeling strong knee deep in it. When I opened up any restaurant after Southern I had deep resources, architects, interior designers,contractors bidding on our build outs. Staff hired out to settle projects for you. Smallwares order taking too long? I had someone to call that would find out the delay. IT guy? I could text him and he’d be there in 10 minutes. Man it felt good. I felt like I had an army within arms reach at all times.

It’s changed a little. I’m not sitting at the big round tables delegating projects or approving where 220v hookups should hang from the kitchen ceiling from my office. I spend my free time painting my kitchen walls, driving to Columbia to pick up three boxes of rare tile, running back and forth from Home Depot because I keep burning through drill bits trying to hang wood panels on cement walls. The people who used to call me back don’t do it as quickly anymore. Some just don’t even try. They just disappear. Posted I was needing help soon and I’ve received 2 resumes. Yeah resumes are maybe a little over the top for what I need but if you don’t have one handy it gives me the wrong vibes. They aren’t really necessary just looking for a little effort.

I’m enjoying the energy I hear from my neighbors building out next door with their coworkers and friends.

I’m a little jealous.

At the same time, I’ve put myself under a tremendous amount of pressure on purpose.

I need to know how much I have left in the tank. When I parted ways with my old company it took something out of me. My competitive edge, my work ethic and my confidence.

I found myself getting anxious and scared on busy days by myself. I used to embrace them. It’s not physical, ok maybe it is a little. I’m nursing a pinched nerve in my back at the moment that’s really knocked me out this week. The pain is like discovering a fresh bruise between your lower shoulder blades and then having someone shove a dull pencil in it 24 hours a day for the last three days. I achieved this from anchoring panels to the wall. Can’t stop construction for a damn sore back.

I posted that my construction grace ends at the end of this month (I think) and I’m on week 5 with my landlord drilling a drain for me. Until I get running water I cant bring product in. Its fine really. Just frustrated. Reached out to two different purveyors last week to call me back and set an appointment for accounts. Not a word and no Joey if you’re reading this I’m not talking about you 😆.

You know, it takes a while to get back up when you get knocked down. You may never be at that one level you were before it happened and really I don’t wish to be. I needed to take my time getting off my big egotistical ass.

It fucking feels good.

I almost folded a little last week while working on the deli and charcuterie nagging at me simultaneously. My plans just weren’t going the way I intended them to and I spiked and went manic for a bit. I stood in the deli with tools in my hand debating which wall to launch them into, literally. I’m two months in this project completely flying solo with my plan, zero menu and zero hopefuls on the peeps I’ve reached out to.

I’ve prepared myself accordingly the whole time but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. I’m just not surprised anymore is all.

I’ll get this fucking deli opened. I haven’t even hit 5th gear yet. It’s gotta be done just the right fucking way.

I still walk away from the spot everyday with a smile on my face. It’s me all me. For the first time. Every fucking screw, board, tile and equipment was bought and paid for by those ridiculously long holiday charcuterie weeks. Three years of that is creating this. To invest in yourself with no strings attached.

I have to take the humility in stride.