I cry more now than I used to. If there is an amplifier for crying, lord I stepped in it.

Sadness?

Not really although I do get down in the dumps at times because well, life’s fucking hard some days. The sad times I’ll cry and make peace with that moment. You’re supposed to. Tear ducts are not after market accessories. You’re born with them for a reason.

They are like emotional lubricants

Little droplets of sadness to showcase and drip your sorrows.

Eye rain to caress your cheeks. It’s always the cheeks. A real good one those mother fuckers are dripping off your jawline. Man those suck sometimes. When your whole ass shirt is wet it’s been a day. I’ve had those too.

We all have.

That’s not my subject at the moment at all. My tears are just catching up on lost time.

Meaning emotions that have been repressed

Saturated

Ignored

Put aside

Given a rain check

I put things on hold for years. Not work, not duties not obligations although mental health should be your goddamn number one obligation

*big foam hand with index finger sticking up, waves in the background “NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!

I used to cry behind closed doors or in a quiet lot while in my car. Literally losing my fucking mind but those weren’t good healthy cries. I was screaming for help a thousand miles away from any ear that could hear.

If you cry in a forest and no one is around you’re still fucking crying. If the trees can hear you they aren’t telling anyone.

I made plenty of sounds.

But those were sporadic. Unhealthy

Depressed

Unacknowledged is that even a word?

I hated those. Felt like I was losing a battle with the air. No one to swing at

Life has change a lot lately, it’s been a minute since I had one of those episodes

They don’t knock as loud as they used to

So why are you crying all the time Gangwer?

Funny you should ask. It’s easy to answer because I’ve been catching up on lost time. Time lost ignoring my mental health and wellness. Sacrificing my mind and body to just get shit done.

I always had so much shit to get done

Sometimes I had to get other people’s shit done. I’ve always felt it was my obligation

Put that one a tombstone why don’t ya? “He died getting shit done”

Hell yeah son. Tasks have been completed. Halle fucking lujah

Next line on the stone

“He was a hard worker”

Is that a solid statement or what?

He toiled! He busted his ass!

Man the fucking hustle he exuded!

Very punctual too

Sacrificed his well being, free time and time with his family to provide!

The

Am

Er

I

Can

Dream

Fuck off

Sorry for the colorful explicits. That ain’t the American dream for everyone

It was for me for a long time

So I’ll say it again

Fuck off

These last three years have been filled with big ass G’s

Gratitude

Growth

Generosity

I’m not making more money, I’m not building an empire, castle, acres of land to show my wealth. Hell I’m renting at the moment I don’t give a shit. I’m playing by my own rules.

A game I should’ve played a long time ago.

Sometimes you truly have to lose to win

Manifestation is an amazing thing. It’s not creating things out of thin air. You visualize it.

Find your compass and point your bow straight towards it and sail. Just watch your stern

In my reckoning I wrote down every single thing that took away from my happiness

I’ve managed to shake off quite a few things the last three years. Some harder than others but I visualized the man I wanted to be. Caught up to him. “On your two cowboy”

Now we ride together. We talk, communicate and man what a fella to have around. He’s sober, thoughtful and helluva bit wiser. He slows me down and gives me bouts of gratitude.

Swell dude. Grateful for his insight. He’s the one that showers me with good memories I’d long forgotten.

How to love again. And how to cry

Now

I cry at sunsets and rises

Sometimes I’ll watch a campfire with tears of gratitude

I’ll look at family pictures on my phone and cry. Why? Because they are no longer just pics on my phone. They are my everyday life

Not prep lists

Not financial forecasts.

Nor emails directing diatribes concerning cold platters

This is life

This is how it’s meant to be experienced. At least through my goggles. I configured my own.

Because

Fuck them too

I cry when I have family hugs in the kitchen

Joyful tears

Is there anything better?

Group hugs make my day. Dad, mom, daughter who’s shoulders keep rising up like a sunflower. She’s caught up to her mother’s height already

*insert tearful joy

Man what a thing to do watch. I know kids aren’t for everyone but goddamn what a ride

I cry sometimes when I wake up and see my wife made coffee for me after a terrible day before

Cry when my daughter kisses my forehead in the morning

Bought my wife flowers last week and cried as I drove them to the house.

What an amazing feeling

Somedays if we all go out to eat I’ll walk to the bathroom and wipe my tears on a c fold just because I’m spending time with them.

We’re all going for a short trip to the ocean next week and I’m already crying over the memories we’ll make.

Fucking gratitude is heavenly

I’ll cry over a damn commercial sometimes

It’s so damn therapeutic

I highly recommend

Grab a hanky folks

Keep it handy

Make your mental health your permanent road trip partner

Create your own system

Have a good cry