When I parted ways with my old company back in 2020 I can recall my announcement on social media and my state of mind at the time. I was like someone walking home from a car accident with a big knot on my head saying “I’m fine, I’m fine it’s just a scratch. I wasn’t thinking about my injuries I was more focused on buying another car I had just wrecked. I posted “will I be back? You’re goddamn right I will I’m a fucking mountain!”.

That ridiculous ego was still speaking for me. I hate to lose and boy did I. I got KO’d in the last round. Knocked my mouth piece right out of my mouth. I was concussed, punch drunk and pickled. I had fully intended on jumping right back into the driver’s seat and going right back at it. Luckily for me I took some time off to reflect on what I needed to do. Actually I had no choice.

Also I was fucking broke. Covid wasn’t very kind to my finances. I was a million miles away financially from having another brick and mortar.

I was approached literally 24 hours after my announcement to open up another concept. Thank god I said no. My wife did too.

I have a hundred concepts in my holster ready to pull out at any given time. Give me an empty brick and mortar and I’ll build an idea to specifically fit that space. I’ll spin one out while I walk around the floor. I can envision graphics on the wall, bar shape and location and of course kitchen layout. It’s what I do. Or did. I’ll create your concept, color scheme, menus, recipes, social media branding and break down your demographics with my eyes closed. Who we are going after, age range, spending habits etc.

When we split I had another bar in mind. I wanted a bar, a small one. Divey, quirky, in your face and outrageous.

That’s where my head was at the time. I was exhausted trying to maintain the high standard of three full service restaurants, all averaging 5000 plus sq ft with 30 plus employees per spot. We usually averaged around 25 per spot. Perpetually short handed.

And I was angry with Covid and how it was handled by hands that have no business controlling small businesses or our country for that matter but I’ve promised myself to make peace with that but it’s a big corner to turn.

I had an interview with one of my favorite local writers and she asked what I was wanted to do next and I immediately said “dive bar”. I was still drinking at that time and building something around that personality seemed to fit my headspace.

I had been approached by a few folk immediately about teaming up and opening a restaurant. I have to admit it was refreshing the amount of hooks that were thrown my way the week I left. I felt like a popular free agent that everyone wanted to have on their team. No one knew about my injuries except for me and even I was ignoring them.

I’m grateful that I didn’t follow that path.

In the back of my mind there was a little voice telling me to “just give it time”

“You aren’t ready”

“Another restaurant just might kill you”

I’ve told my story about the birth of Chadcuterie and how I created it to make some cash so my family could enjoy Christmas. Always in the back of my mind I was making boxes while I was planning my next vocational adventure. Like Bradley Cooper in Burnt tallying the shucked oysters in his notebook I was doing the same. Counting boxes. Paying my penance. He had a number I didn’t.

I rarely balance my books with this job. I’m very aware of my costs, I know if celery goes from $1.99 to $2.49 that I’m losing an additional $.03 per box that comes with crudités, I know my main purveyor prices have gone up 8% average across the board while my other’s have gone up an average of 18%. I change my inventory and box set ups accordingly as to not to have to raise prices. Consumer mathematics come easy to me. P&Ls I would read and enjoy like novels. With my old company we’d spend a ridiculous amount of time discussing forecasts, P&Ls, food costs, insurance rates, credit card fees, comps and percentages. It’s par the course. It was necessary but exhausting. The more of an accountant I had become the less energy I had left to be creative and I was expected to have high octane for both.

My work accounting for the last three years has been “if the account starts going backwards I need to adjust”. I’ve been very fortunate with this. It’s fucking dumb but it was part of my philosophy of not taking work so seriously. Probably not the best way to manage your business if I were consulting someone.

Do as I say not as I do.

The thought of opening up another restaurant has always been there. It’s my ego trying to find chinks in my armor of reckoning. It misses the notoriety, pedestal of recognition. I’ve been burying that guy for two years now he keeps poking out from time to time. I asked both members of my little family “should I open up another restaurant?” Both said they would support whatever I’d do but their eyes said “we’d rather you didn’t”

That wouldn’t have changed my mind in the past.

I think differently now

Chadcuterie wasn’t suppose to hang around if that makes sense. She’s like a person you only meant to hang out with for a little while and next thing you know you’re moving in together. We became compatible. In spite of ourselves.

When I started it I wasn’t very good at it. I’m being honest, you’ve seen the pics I’ve posted when I first started it. I felt like I was in the book “The Emperor’s New Clothes” everyone was telling me they looked great but gtfo they terrible. Not just by my standards. They didn’t look good.

I was the definition of fake it till you make it.

Well, I ain’t quite made it but I definitely got better

3.5 years I’ve been doing this. It pays well and gives me ample time to play. I didn’t have time to play for the last 20 years or so. It’s great to have some freedom but in the back of my mind I know nothing lasts forever. Especially in this industry. As time goes on there will be more charcuterie businesses. I can already count a few mimicking what I do and a couple of others doing bigger things.

And that’s ok.

I don’t mind competition it’s healthy. As long as you don’t directly copy my ideas

Some have tried. I’ve seen it. Doesn’t concern me I’ve seen your boxes. I do acknowledge that overtime if I’m expecting this little business to survive and thrive I have to keep up with some of the Joneses.

My business needs more accessibility.

More options

Room for growth

There’s always been more that I’ve wanted to offer but I haven’t had the access to the space or facilities. My kitchen at Birds was small but it fit what I needed at the time. Shawn and Lindsey were extremely kind and allowed me to do my thing.

Meadery has everything I need as far as space but at the same time it’s like living with a roommate. That is not a knock on them in any way. They are superb roommates and have been gracious with the space I take up at times and Adam is just a really good guy who works his ass off. It’s uncomfortable for me to use other people’s things. Regardless of the access to me it’s like wearing someone else’s clothes or driving another person’s car. You’re doing your best to make sure it comes back in one piece but in the back of your mind you’re always thinking “I hope I don’t scratch it”.

I gave myself a year to go with the flow of things once my mind settled after my partnership exploded

And then I added another year

The last year I’ve been planning my next move of expansion. No not more chadcuterie locations just adding a little more growth and responsibility. Taking my work a little more seriously.

I’ve had a good break but now it’s time to be a little more functional.

Christmas season is a busy one for my business and it pays off if I put my head down for 6 weeks and run that marathon. At the end of the year I analyze my finances and take a sizable chunk and put into reserve to invest into myself and then I give myself a little bonus that I purposely use for selfish reasons. Why? Because in my last business I wasn’t able to enjoy the rewards. There weren’t any to be had. In fact it was usually quite the opposite.

I also kept some to travel. To enjoy life because man I went a long time without being able to enjoy things.

Most goes into my “just in case” savings.

Just in case I try this one more time.

The perfect storm hit my shores when Covid collided with my impending burn out. It was the knock out punch. It was also the perfect opportunity for my partners and I to shake hands and fuck off. I essentially took the fall for Covid. Willingly I might add. I wasn’t sitting in the cockpit with two engines out screaming “what is happening??” I just handed them the yoke and walked off the plane. While I was in Maine eating a lobster roll they thought they had it all figured out. Even told everyone I didn’t get it. I’m sure after that 90 day LTO reopening they found out quickly just how much I didn’t get it..

Takes more than a new coat of paint and new partners.

I’ve taken some time over the last three years to really put into perspective what my future holds for me. For the sake of my mental health it’s paramount for me to have take on what I can control on a smaller scale.

I no longer want to corral 100 employees under my umbrella. Regardless of training standards the larger we grew the more inconsistent our product became. The more dams would burst and the less control I had as I would stick my finger in every leaking hole. The anxiety of looking at your watch at 8am Sunday morning with a little prayer of all your staff showing up for work. The odds were never in my favor. Sometimes I’d have to choose which restaurant would need bailing out over the others.

No one wins

It was the hardest when you’d sacrificed your body for 15 hours on a day you weren’t even suppose to work and read the reviews the next day on how your business shit the bed.

Chadcuterie? Probably 8000- 10,000 orders. Zero negative reviews. No that doesn’t make me perfect but it reflects my consistency and the fact that I have 100% control over my volume. This isn’t a business you want to get into a hurry in. It shows in the aesthetics.

I only employ part time employees for large caterings. And I hand pick those exclusively due to my past history with them and I trust them. Rarely do I pull anyone off the streets unless it’s an emergency. During Christmas I’ll cut back orders just to insure I maintain consistency and control. Three years ago I would’ve taken every order and ran with it. And then wonder why my body is beat to shit everyday. Not too mention the silent complaints of inconsistent orders and loss of customers

With patience and doing everything deliberately my craft gets a tad better everyday. High volume doesn’t necessarily make you better. It may make you faster and even adjust to a higher level of stress but eventually you’ll find yourself more focused on timing and speed as opposed to your plating and consistency. Don’t say your’s gets better the busier it gets. I’ve met enough of you guys to know you’re kidding yourselves. I used to be one of you.

So

Anyhow here I am looking over another cliff at the moment.

The anxiety is there but this one is a little different. I do manage to talk myself down when the build up of “here we go again” gets in there. It’s mostly financial for me. I’ve set aside three years of toiling to do this. Thousands of charcuterie boards and boxes. Thanksgiving and Christmas volume, bottled up into a small savings account. Every. Single. Day I took on the extra work load to build that capital up to do this little thing. Busy enough to want to quit it all by the end of the year. I even posted that I have one more year of this left in me. That was the sheer exhaustion of the last holiday.

It’s hard to describe how much work $40k worth of charcuterie in 6 weeks amounts to. It’s high volume arts and crafts. By the end of December it no longer looks like food to me. It becomes little geometric shapes and colors. In between the manufacturing of these boxes I’m prepping for them. I’m cutting, peeling hundreds of rainbow carrots, celery into tiny congruent sticks. Handmaking pimento cheese, shredding cheese by hand, spinach dips, beer cheese and other dips

I make around 20 gallons of pickles, English cukes all by hand and then add another 10 gallons of pickled cauliflower. Grazing tables I’ll pickle okra, red onions, cabbage and other veggies. I had six plus grazing tables all the while doing mass box orders. Most of these days during this time I’m already folding boxes at 4am.

You slice so much protein your slicer’s motor overheats and you have to let her sit and cool for awhile. And then you fold and roll it up into salami origami. 60 double folds per large box. You fold well into the thousands. If that doesn’t open your carpel tunnel then the cheese slicing will. Ever used a knife to cut through a block of cheese? I don’t mean hard cheese that snap with the blade like a solid reggiano. Cheddars, Gouda, Colby, Gruyère, havarti etc the knife has to be pushed down with effort the whole way. Your wrist don’t enjoy this. You’re also holding your blade tight because you’re trying to cut the cheese the same exact width with every cut. Thousands of times. I’ve never met a chef my age that doesn’t already suffer from carpel tunnel. This multiplies it. I’ll sit at home rubbing my wrists for hours during the holidays to lube them up for the next day. My first year I did my own crackers before I realized that I was burning 1000 calories a day just rolling out the dough to a nickel’s width to cut into rectangles.

I’m also my own purveyor. With the exception of Boars head I spend several hours a week hitting up Costco, depot, swamp rabbit, local farmer’s markets and grocery stores to get my stock. When I was big time they brought that shit to me.

The Meadery is 125 steps to the nearest spot to pickup. And then 125 step back. Doesn’t sound too bad until you do it over 20 times. While carrying boxes and boards. You’ve seen the food I pile on these. They aren’t heavy but over time they are. I’m also the cashier, I’m the delivery driver and if I forget something I’m usually hauling ass to the store in between box pickups. One box has 28 ingredients in it. It gets real easy to forget something when you’re shopping. It’s fun when you have 8 box pickups at 11am and they all show up 30 seconds after the other.

It’s a sprint. Weather can have an impact too. Cardboard and water don’t mix

These little equations go through my head in January while I’m analyzing my body and wondering why I’ve lost 10lbs and can’t even grip my phone to text. I remember some jackass commenting on my trade and called me a “middler”.

Come shadow me for one high volume day at work. I’ll hold your hand while you cry. I would’ve never in my 30 years of experience guessed how much this can kick your ass.

In all honesty I doubt I could do another holiday season solo again. Don’t get my wrong. My wife handles all email correspondence, most of my order scheduling and helps with deliveries. I absolutely could not do it without her. Not to mention she deals with my manic ass when I start to fold. That’s a full time job on it’s own. She’s like Burgess Meredith in Rocky. Bandaging my wounds, throwing water over my face and wiping off the sweat. All the while telling me “you got this” the whole time. Also, I have my two or three go to peeps who help me on the two big eves when we are pushing out up to 80 boxes in 10 hours.

I’m expanding to make things a little easier on me. Does that make sense? I need more space, so I can bring in help to assist. I can do it all but I don’t want to anymore. I use the goldfish in the fish bowl as an example. The goldfish will only grow to a comfortable size inside the bowl. Drop one in a pond and it grows within the parameters of the larger body of water. I’ve been that little fish in a bowl for three years. It’s getting crowded. Im also a little lonely. I find myself getting depressed when I work alone for too long. Its hard when you need help and there’s no one there to assist. I also miss the comradery.

I’m adding more depth to my craft. It’s getting monotonous and I need to see new shiny things to keep me motivated. So I’m adding deli, market to keep my mind sharp. My work life has become dull regardless of the volume. Dull makes me burnout. Can’t afford another burnout episode. So step that shit up sir.

Financially any business owner knows this is always the shitty part. I’m not involving banks, partners etc. I worked myself to the bone for three years to finance myself. I coming in under the radar and low budget. I’m frugal and creative. I can do a lot with very little. If you saw the size of my kitchen at Birds you’d understand. Throw out $3k charcuterie in a room the size of a bathroom. Not a master one either. I ran two businesses out of there for a year and a half.

Life savings. Didn’t take my whole life but every time I spend it sure fucking feels like it. Also when you do it in your 50s that’s my shitty retirement fund I’m throwing away on coolers that have gone up 200% in the last 10 years with shittier parts.

Yay.

Go big or go home is what I always say. I’ve gone home quite a few times.

After the fact.

Sorry yall these are the thoughts that go through my head while I wrestle with this. It’s predictable anxiety. I knew I’d have it before i got it.

So I get it.

Doesn’t make it easier. This is probably my last try at this level of business. The need to build a legacy will never go away but all I did was push it closer to the terms I like as opposed to “I’ll do whatever it takes” . No carrot to chase this time. I’m not as hungry. I just took a necessity and hopefully will make it comfortable in my lap.

There won’t be a hundred grazelands unless you want to borrow and franchise. My ass is staying put in one spot.

I will also maintain my lifestyle of balancing Chad things first and then work. While maintaining the highest quality. If I can’t do it the best in Greenville I won’t do it. It’s not about winning. I just refuse to be outdone. Pride? Maybe or just work ethic.

Anyways it’s already been announced and as long as I don’t get hit with something ridiculous it’s coming.

Come hell or high water here we go again.

Let’s climb that fucking mountain.