I had a vision a few months back while mediating before bed. It’s a standard practice for me to put on my fancy, rechargeable eye massaging goggles for a 15 minute session every evening when I go to bed. I’ll do some breathing exercises to maintain my concentration and man it does wonders for my sleep. On occasions I’ll space out and travel around in my memories, places I’ve visited, mountains I’ve hiked, conversations with my family from decades ago. It’s refreshing and the experience for me is therapeutic. It slows my mind down before bed and keeps the snakes in my head at bay. Sometimes I’ll fall asleep with them on which isn’t terrible. They’re comfy and not all that intrusive as long as it’s not too hot in the bedroom.

One evening as I was lying in bed I was slowly absorbed into a vision of an open field. A meadow if you want to make it sound more aesthetic. It was late morning judging by the direction of the sun. I suppose you could call it a dream, I may have fallen asleep although my dreams aren’t as lucid as they used to be and I can recall just about all of this one vision. I wasn’t really there or at least in physical form I wasn’t. I point of view seemed more like a small drone, floating, following my wife and daughter around.

My daughter looked to be in her 30s, long straight hair, style mirroring her mother’s. She stood a few inches taller than her mother (she is approaching that height quickly already). She was wearing heels while my Jessica, her mother, wore flats. She had her head on my wife’s shoulder, they were both smiling sadly. My wife had touches of gray in her hair but still looked as beautiful as the day we met. A spry little girl was playing while sort of trying to keep up with the mother and daughter. The little girl could only be my grandchild and nothing else. She had the striking resemblance of her mother walking in front and even had a big white bow my daughter wore most of her early days until she was big enough to pull it off her head. She was in a pretty little dress. They all were.

They were standing in that big open meadow under the shade of a giant oak tree.

It’s became obvious in my dream/vision that I had recently passed and I was witnessing either my memorial or the spreading of my ashes. I don’t wish to be buried in a box underground.

They were both dressed in black although my granddaughter was wearing little dress covered in flowers. I didn’t see the father of the child. Either he wasn’t a part of the family or he didn’t want to have anything to do with the memorial. Which leads me to believe she was divorced or widowed.

They seemed at peace which gives me the impression that my passing wasnt unexpected. The look on their face almost seemed like relief. I may have been in pain for some time. Maybe cancer, dementia or something that may take some time to put me down. As much as dying quickly in my sleep may seem the best way to go, I hope I get the opportunity to say goodbye to all the people in my life. Regardless I’ll be going down swinging.

For whatever reason two numbers were in my head- 78 and 83. I don’t recall seeing a headstone or marker. Judging by the age of my family it leads me to believe that would be the age of my passing. Not sure as to why there were two but I’ll take the higher one if I get a choice obviously.

Maybe it was a dream. Maybe it was the sushi I ate or the nerds rope gummy or combination of all three but I did cry for a bit that night thinking about it. Oddly not tears of sadness. Taking the dream to heart I would have 26 (or 31) more years to enjoy my time with my family. It’s odd how you perceive quality of your time as you get older. Yeah I want to hike a thousand more mountains and go on a thousand more adventures but in that dream/ vision my mind narrowed to those two. And maybe a little granddaughter so I can relive just a bit of my daughter’s little girl phase one more time.

78 ain’t so bad. 83 is obviously better. Maybe the two numbers represent when I’m sick and pass. I’ll gladly accept 5 years of sickness to have more time with them.